Dissonance
by togekissed
Summary: Who knows what you might have to face after years of absence and who knows what your absence can cause to the people you used to love?
1. Prologue

**A/N** : I feel like I should mention a few things beforehand (which I somehow always feel like) because of this fic being the first continuous one I have ever written. So it is basically going to be a complete shot in the dark to me since I actually prefer writing one shots. However, this fic is going to deal with some serious and sensitive topics later on. The rating is probably going to be changed to M due to that.

And as usual, I'm going to provide you all with music recommendations which are probably going to be the songs I have listened to while writing. I feel like every story needs music to add to the storyline but that is just my opinion. And I am talking too much again.

Music rec: BANKS - Beggin For Thread

* * *

Prologue

* * *

She was the type of person one would never fail to recognize in a crowd. Marvellous, magnificent even. A sparkling glimpse of sun light on a rainy day, a sight of light where there is only shadow.

She was something else, something one would never dare to reject, yet she was untouchable, inaccessible, a faint haze of smoke that would vanish eventually, no matter how hard one would refrain from admitting the truth.

She was different in a strange way - In a way one would never be able to understand. One would never be able to seek behind her facade, get to know the side she kept in the shadows.

Looking at her came with a rush of adrenaline, a pleasant and vibrant feeling that would spread throughout your body, that would leave you breathless. Looking at her differed from looking at one's surroundings, no appearance would resemble the elegance she had within her in the slightest adequate way.

And despite the unduly great impact she had on her surroundings, there was aloofness hidden inside of her, a hint of her distant attitude, her veiled emotions bottled up inside of her. A simple message of yet such a cryptic content, no one could ever translate its meaning.

And perhaps, it was a good thing. A good thing, no one could seek behind her facade because even the most marvellous woman to ever discover in a crowd, even she had her darkest secrets. A part of her was always hidden in a shadow where no sunray could ever shine upon it.

And perhaps, it was a good thing.

"Who are _you_ looking for?" Sometimes, her voice would shake her up, would make her tremble, would make her loose her temper. Yet, this time was different from every other encounter with Nishikino Maki; different, yet so familiar.

Her voice was raspy, coarse even. She could not tell: Was it because of her being around or had her voice changed into this husky caw that sent chills down her spine?

She gritted her teeth, keeping her gaze on a spot in the background as she turned around, concealing her hesitance with scorn sparkling in her rubies. Nothing could have ever prepared her for the situation she had gotten herself into and nothing could have ever helped her to smother the revulsion and disgust she felt rising inside of her at the plain sight of amethysts.

Amethyst that felt like a sheer stab into the stomach. Vivid violet that gazed at her with contempt as strong as her shaken feelings.

"Certainly not for you, that's for sure." She replied frosty, the voice coming out of her throat was not her own, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself of that fact. The derisive tone that mixed up with the softness of her usually melodic voice - It was not her own. It couldn't ever be.

Whoever the woman talking was, it was not her.

Forcing herself to remain focused, to remain collected although she could have punched her opposite in her beautifully shaped face in that very moment, she met glistening orbs, glancing at her with abomination and bittersweet mockery. Her pinks lips curved into a chuckle as she tilted her head slightly, causing crimson curls to fall loose onto her bare shoulders, each tip of deep red strands curled into a precise shape.

"I figured so far." She stated dull. "Then I get it you're here for the quality entertainment?"

"Not quite."

"Enlighten me then. What caused the _splendidly_ grand Yazawa Nico to come here? Is it because she has finally come to the realization that her dreams were a mere imagination of her delusion?" She spat her response and it felt like running one's hands through an ocean of shards where each letter left its individual cut behind. She kept her gaze on the black haired woman in front of her, knowing she had this intimidating vibe encircling her, an awfully daunting aura surrounding her presence.

Nico averted her gaze, feeling acrimony swallow her whole.

Those amethysts were cold and frosty, returning her taunting gaze would leave her frozen solid.

"I'm here with a friend." The black haired admitted brusque. She was not sure whether her voice had failed to break through the noisiness around them or not. Her head was spinning, the ground underneath her shaking immensely.

"Is that so?" The red haired asked amused. "Did you actually get someone to show interest in you? Must have missed out on that."

Nico's ears absorbed the words, but her mind was not able to convey the meaning of them. Everything was getting blurry, her vision failing to tell illusion from reality.

"Let me tell you one thing, Nico." Her opposite continued talking as her fingers ran through her scarlet fringe, "If you really think you can get through with this, you underestimated me. I know what kind of bullshit you are pulling with this and I'm not in the mood to be put up with it." Her voice was slow despite her complacency, the raspy tone of it causing endless shivers down the other woman's spine as she spoke; a careful whisper, yet so confidently said in its way.

The air around them felt heavy, heavier than the weight of anything could ever resemble. This certain kind of heaviness was not measured in such invalid aspects as weight.

"I'm not here to pull any shit." The black haired clarified, forcing a conceited smile upon her face. "I'm starting to believe you're the delusional one here."

Maki chuckled even brighter at her response than before it seemed, her soft featured face making space for the expression of the pretentious hypocrite she was to Nico.

"You've got nothing but empty phrases to back you up, Yazawa. And you know it. Say, do you still run away from your problems instead of facing them?" Nico hissed as a response, brow twitching in fury at the other woman's words.

"Thought so." Her opposite was quick to react and even quicker to bite holes into Nico's tediously built-up self-confidence. "I didn't expect you to change, so that's refreshing to hear."

"Whatever you're trying to point out, it's none of your business." Nico replied curtly, "If you can't handle me being back in the city, how will you deal with me having applied for _this_ specific job?"

The other woman's expression turned grim in an instant, the pretentious smile fading immediately, vanishing restlessly.

"What the fuck are _you_ even going to do here?" The fury in her voice was unavoidable to notice, her eyes were glimmering in wrath as her response cut through the air. "Aren't you too noble for a job like this?"

"I'm not working in _your_ preferred field, don't you worry."

"Oh right. Because that's only a job for underclass folks. _Filthy scum_ , if I remember your words correctly?" She paused briefly. Nico noticed her fingers trembling as she spoke, "I won't let you get through with this."

The black haired's mouth curved into a lopsided smile, fully aware of the effect her permanent presence had on the other woman.

"I'm afraid there's little you can do. I've practically got the confirmation to this job offer already. Reputation comes with perks and drawbacks, it seems. In this case, if you didn't notice, I would clearly call it one of the many perks my prestige as a celebrity has to offer."

"You're a joke of a celebrity. I don't care about your reputation, I'm gonna make it suffer as much as possible. Don't you think I would hesitate." The crimson haired replied, gritting her teeth.

If Nico didn't know better, she would be of the opinion that Nishikino Maki was fragile, way too fragile, to even exist in a world of such cruelty and injustice.

Fortunately, she knew better.

"Bring it on, Nishikino." She stared right into her amethyst eyes, noticing the piercing sharpness in their core, "I almost forgot what it felt like to live in your shadow."

* * *

"Who were you talking to earlier?" Kotori asked quietly, the softness in her voice as relaxing and calming as ever. The younger woman leaned forward in her seat, taking a sip of her drink before setting her eyes onto the black haired next to her.

"Nobody. Believe me." Nico replied curtly, making the lack of interest in delving into the subject clear. "Shouldn't you refrain from drinking alcohol though?" The older woman asked, changing the conversation purposely. She raised an eyebrow in anticipation, awaiting an answer from the brown haired sitting next to her at the bar.

The flashing lights gave Nico a headache, the conversation from earlier still running through her mind, restlessly and merciless.

The revulsion the red haired had clarified towards her made Nico shiver, yet, the feeling was mutual after all. Despite being aware of that fact, she still couldn't let go of it. The crimson haired had never been _this_ edgy and resentful.

Nico could not help but wonder what must have happened in all those years she had been absent.

"Well, I know I shouldn't," Kotori replied, expression astute, "that doesn't necessarily imply that I want to." Her slender fingers traced along the vitreous glass ware containing the alcoholic beverage, forming a pattern in a slow motion.

"Just make sure things don't get out of control." Nico demanded carefully, lowering her voice as she continued, "You know how things got out of control last time I was here." Kotori nodded slightly, seeming absent-minded. Her light brown strands covered her dark eyelashes for brief moments every now and then.

She smiled faintly when she spoke up, "Things have changed, Nico." She stated sadly, voice husky. Her amber eyes were still busy darting the content of the glass in front of her, glistening increasingly with each word that left her lips. "And as much as I'd like to think they haven't, they did. Everything changed, _everyone_ changed. Nothing's the way it was before you left."

The black haired noticed the other woman avoiding her piercing gaze by averting her eyes.

Quite frankly, she had figured that things had changed. Drastically. It had been a long time after all. But had things changed that far that even one of her closest former friends would not talk to her about her worries anymore?

Then again, she might not be as close to Kotori as she used to be anymore. She had said it herself, things have changed. Nothing had stayed the same ever since she had left.

"I sometimes wished you had called more often." Kotori suddenly admitted, chewing on the straw of her beverage as she put on a pensive expression. Nico knew, she was trying to change the topic of their conversation and she did not want to push the other woman. That was beneath her consent. The Kotori next to her was not the Kotori she had known back then. She had changed. Just like everyone else around her had.

Everyone but her herself.

She scratched the back of her head, smiling apologetic in a weak attempt to make up for the lack of communication between them. She had called the other woman every now and then, once in two months, perhaps. But once in two months just wasn't enough to catch up with a permanent changing process of someone.

"I know, I should have and I wanted to, honestly," she explained herself.

"But?" Kotori interrupted, setting her amber eyes onto the older woman.

"There's no but. I became detached from the world I used to live in." Nico frowned slightly, propping her elbow onto the bar's counter. "I wanted to detach myself from all of this," She gestured towards their surroundings, the noisiness being overly present, "so desperately. But there seemed to be a more powerful force that pushed me back into it."

The black haired's gaze focused onto the crowd surrounding them, everyone laughing, everyone chatting, everyone enjoying themselves. It was no use pretending not to be looking for her, she would always find her in a crowd, she would always be too remarkable, too significant not to be found.

And the moment Nico set her eyes onto the crimson haired, stared at her from the distance, watched her talk with people encircling her, she felt her heart clench inside of her chest. The way she laughed, the way she talked, the way she _stood there_ – With each action of hers, the revulsion Nico felt towards her increased.

And the more she stared at the other woman, the more she had to fight back the urge to empty the content of her stomach, to empty the content of her mind, to just leave this world behind again.

She had done it once already, there was nothing to lose.

Right?


	2. The Age Of Dissonance

**A/N** : At this point, I want to clarify that all of the characters in this fic are **grown adults**.

Other than that, I don't feel like adding anything more because I am afraid of you all wanting to kill me for putting Maki into this situation. I did mention the content of sensitive topics beforehand, whether you decide to proceed reading or not is up to you.

Music rec: Halsey - Gasoline

* * *

Chapter One

* * *

Nico should have known it would only be a matter of time until her reappearance would spread like a wildfire and with that, cause a lot of problems in addition.

Despite being famous to a decent grade, most of her fans were oversea ones due to her relocation in the past.

Of course, people would recognize her here as well, but barely anyone would dare to talk to her when they saw her passing the streets. She did not know whether it was because of the intimidating expression she had grown to carry on her features or not, and she did not care what it was that made it possible to cross a street without being interrupted in her thinking process all the time. She gladly appreciated her current situation.

She certainly wasn't afraid of fans recognizing her, she was afraid of meeting _familiar_ faces again. In a way, she was afraid of possible reuniting encounters with people she had wanted to avoid purposely. Running into Nishikino Maki had been enough to swallow already, an especially bitter pill to swallow as well.

It was exceptionally odd, being back. Everything was different, yet familiar in a mystifying way. Nico felt like absorbing the sight of once so familiar places for the very first time, it felt like seeing the world with an entirely new perspective.

And still, there was something deep within her that made her identify bits and pieces of the vivid part of the city she used to live in. Tiny bits and pieces that brought up many memories.

Too many.

Painful ones, happy ones, tragic ones. A potion of emotions, maybe even a lethal one.

She would be lying if she said she had not missed the city she had spent half of her life living in. Childhood memories were crawling their way back into her mind as she walked past buildings with flashing advertisements attached on the outside; memories of a life that seemed to have vanished into pale and sallow fragments of something that had once been so precious to her.

Despite of it being late already, the streets were still crowded. A city as big as this one did not have curfew. This city was awake at all hours of the day and in a way, it added to the factor of comfort. To Nico at least. Knowing that the city she had spent half of her life living in was still the same, was still as busy as she had remembered it to be all the time she had been away.

The sound of crunching branches underneath each of her steps followed her as she continued walking, trying to remember which way to go in order to reach her destination, the memory of having walked the exact same way the night before as blurry as her childhood and teenage years memories.

Nico hated how everything _seemed_ so familiar when on second look it wasn't. She hated how the feeling of familiarity would settle in her stomach each time she passed buildings and streets that she remembered passing by in the past as well because she knew, nothing had stayed the same.

And it was a shame. It was a shame that everything was changing due to influences, due to injustice, due to unavoidable matters.

She still had to fill out piles of paperwork regarding her several luxurious cars that still had to be transferred overseas, which resulted in her having to walk to her first official day at her new workplace. In spite of that factor, it wasn't an unpleasant occasion to her, in fact, it helped her getting adjusted to a life that seemed so familiar and yet, was so different from the one she used to lead.

Working in _such_ a business was something Nico had never been keen on, yet she felt like she had to recover from the exhaustion of being a full time celebrity. She needed tranquillity, she needed peace, she needed relaxation. _Desperately_.

To be quite frank with herself, she had not been aware of the well-known red haired working there. She had figured she would run into her one day, it was unavoidable after all. But she had not expected for it to happen so fast and sudden. And still, she had put on a masquerade to cover up the suddenness and astonishment of that particular face popping back into her life that soon.

Despite her intentions of detaching herself from the world she used to live in, she had been drawn back into it, having to realize the heaviness of unfinished endings. The black haired had done lots of things she certainly was not proud of and she admitted, they were too many to even be counted.

Quickening her pace, Nico diverted into an alleyway, darkness swallowing her silhouette whole. A cold and chilly breeze greeted her almost instantly, underlining the frightening and tense feeling that ate its way up her chest. She coughed as frosty air filled her lungs, eyes darting for the red-wooden door to the establishment she had entered just last night for the very first time. In spite of it being late spring already, it was still surprisingly cold outside and it did not add to the factor of snugness in the slightest.

As soon as she spotted the door, she knocked. Twice. The moment she lifted her hand yet again, intending on knocking a third time, someone opened up.

"Can't you _fucking_ creeps wait for one more hour, y'all know about the business h-" The woman standing in front of Nico paused her enraged speech in an instant, amber eyes widening in realization as they met ruby ones. She quickly glanced back inside before facing her again, eyes reflecting astonishment and – _Apprehension_?

" _Nico_? What are you doing here?" Her opposite almost whispered, hesitantly lifting her hand before letting it slide down almost instantly.

"Mind to let me in? I'll explain." Nico replied quietly, gesturing towards the inside of the building. The taller woman stepped aside, allowing Nico to enter – An action of hers Nico had not expected to be greeted with. At all.

The frown appearing on the other woman's beautifully shaped face did not go unnoticed, but Nico decided not to mention the concern she discovered in the expression of her opposite. The black haired could feel the questioning stare at her without having actually seen it, fully aware of the effect her reappearance had on everyone she used to know. She shrugged her coat off, hanging it onto the hooker as dimmed deep red lights greeted her inside. Her gaze drifted towards an enormous stage to her left side before averting itself to the bar opposed; quick glances, slight glimpses of familiarity from the day before. She turned around, facing the taller woman who was scrutinizing her, expression bewildered.

Nico hated to admit it, but her taller opposite had grown into a beautiful and fierce looking woman with an admirably striking body that accentuated her flawlessly shaped frame. But to be honest with herself, she had expected nothing less from the determined and yet so humble Sonoda Umi. Nico had known her since high school, just like Kotori, and she remembered her opposite having been part of an archery club as well as student council activities which ultimately had to result in such a remarkable appearance she was damned to face in that very moment.

"I work here." Nico said after a short silence of having inspected her opposite, the words leaving her mouth as heavy as the weight of a thousands tons. The other woman frowned at her response. Nico knew that wasn't much of an explanation, but spilling the truth was harder than covering it up. A sigh left her lips, "I thought Kotori would have told you." She said cloudy, returning the gaze of the taller woman who was now approaching the spot behind the bar's counter.

As soon as Nico mentioned the brown haired woman's name, she noticed her opposite wince. She raised an eyebrow, the shift of emotions whirling inside of the other woman surprising her.

"She didn't." Was the short reply, a mixed up expression of anticipation and a scowl greeting her soon after. The other woman propped her elbow on the counter, an awaiting glimmer in her amber eyes. Nico could not tell what her opposite was thinking; never had been able to.

"I'm not sure what you want me to say. I never mentioned leaving for good."

"You never mentioned leaving _at all_." The other woman interjected, voice delivering explicit judgement. Nico slowly took a seat on the same barstool she had been sitting on the night before, fumbling with the hem of her lacy red skirt before lowering voice, "It was too much. Too much pressure, too much guilt. I _swear_ to god. It drove me insane. I felt like I had to come back to make things alright again."

She did not dare to look up, frightened of the frosty gaze she would meet. She knew well, Sonoda Umi was merciless and despite having known her for a long time, Nico had always wondered whether the earnest woman was even capable of showing human qualities such as compassion or empathy.

"You seemed pretty happy to me." Umi said, voice filled with bitterness, "I guess prominence comes with a price? The price of abandoning everyone who cared about you, perhaps?"

"How could I have ever looked any of you in the eyes again after what I did."

They fell silent the moment Nico finished her sentence.

Sonoda Umi might lack compassion, but even she knew there were certain things unspoken, one of them being the words the black haired just had forced out of her throat.

Nico dared to look up for a brief moment, registering the other woman being busy with sorting glasses into several black painted shelves, dimmed red lights shining upon her darkish blue hair from above. Nico watched her slender fingers trace each glass ware in a careful, steady motion before putting it into its assigned place, noticing the similarity to Kotori's movements from the day before.

"I want you to know," Umi turned around, fingers placed on the pitch black tie around her neck, "I don't appreciate you being around. You will only harm this business, I can tell."

She gestured towards the empty room, spacious and well-arranged. Luxurious and expansive furniture in red and velvety design decorated the large interior. Across from the bar, there was a huge, _gigantic_ even, stage that sought for attention in any kind of way possible. The entire atmosphere seemed so voluptuously charged, it added special character to its apparent brilliancy.

"Is this your business?" Nico dared to ask.

Umi raised a perfectly shaped brow, "Do I look like I could buy the world?" She responded cynically, "I just work her as a part time job. As a bar keeper, of course."

"I see."

Nico wanted to ask why the taller woman seemed to need the extra money a part time job offered, but she remained silent in that regard, reminding herself of not being in the position to question her situation.

"Honestly, Nico." Umi added while inspecting the arrangement of alcoholic beverages beneath the counter, "I don't think this is the safest place for you to be around. Don't get the wrong impression, I am certainly not worried about your well-being. But I sure am about _Eli's_."

The black haired cringed at the mere mentioning of that certain name, feeling a shiver run down her spine.

"D-does she work here, too?" She managed to stutter, meeting glancing amber.

"Why else would I have told you." Umi reached below the counter, grabbing a fancy looking bottle of champagne and putting it next to a row of other neatly arranged bottles. Nico's eyes followed her movements, gaze kept on her ridiculously long shaped finger nails. Her lips seemed to move in a steady and elegant motion as she broke the silence that was encircling them yet again, "Let me get this clear, Yazawa. You work here. We work here, too. You do your job and you don't care about other people's business. Understood?"

"It's not like I want to-"

"And 'We' also includes Maki." Her opposite clarified blunt, voice coarse and harsh. A clear statement. It couldn't have been any clearer to express.

"Like I care about Nishikino." Nico was quick to respond despite having been interrupted before, settling her gaze onto the stage across from them. Avoiding the other woman's intimidating stare would be her best option if she wanted to put up a calm and collected facade.

"I hope I have made myself clear." The taller woman added and Nico swore, she could hear a pinch of threat in her voice. And it made her furious, yet she reminded herself to maintain calmness at all costs. An argument would only cause problems and it was pointless using up all her energy for it.

"I think you've heard me, Umi. I have no interest whatsoever in ruining the petty life of our little princess." She retorted sarcastically and as much as she had wanted the tone of her voice to sound stable, the irony in it seemed to be overflowing. Nico noticed the taller woman clenching her fists at her response and she bet, if the counter didn't separate them, she would have grabbed her by the collar for sure. Her brow was twitching in fury and as soon as Nico stared into glistening amber, the other woman's calm expression vanished, making room for an outrageous and utterly wrath one.

"Don't you _dare_ to talk about her like that." Umi spoke slowly, gritting her teeth, "You think you are in the place to judge? Look at yourself." She paused briefly in her furious speech, a bitter laugh leaving her pink lips. "Crawling back into this world like you're still a part of it. You make me _sick_ , Yazawa." She spat her words, loosening her tie as she spoke as if she was about to get into a fight with the smaller woman.

But Nico was not the person to sugar coat anything in this matter and she certainly was not afraid of stating her honest opinion, be it Sonoda Umi she was talking to. It didn't matter.

"That feeling's mutual." She replied assuring, "Kotori really knew what she was talking about when she said everything's changed." A chuckle formed its way upon her face, eyes twinkling before hopping off the barstool, "I'm gonna have to check on the lighting before rehearsing my performance in an hour." She gestured towards the enormous stage across from them, "You might want to clean up a little beforehand."

She paused shortly, pretending to be pensive for a few seconds, "Actually, don't bother cleaning up. This kind of business will always remain _filthy_ , no matter how you look at it."

* * *

"Did you know she was back?"

"Had no idea. Until yesterday." Maki replied monotonously, adjusting the stockings hugging her thighs. Crimson curls fell onto her shoulders as she leaned forward, surrounding her for a brief moment.

Umi sighed, sitting herself on a bench across from Maki in the backstage dressing room. The red haired did not seem to be eager on deepening the conversation, instead, she stood up, getting rid of her shirt before tossing it onto the armchair she had been sitting on before. Her thin fingers opened up a wardrobe before propping themselves against her bare hip.

"How are you feeling?" The taller woman asked softly.

Still in her underwear, the crimson haired turned around in an instant, glaring at the older woman from the short distance. Her amethyst eyes were glimmering in fury at her words and it was in that moment, that Umi noticed how thin the younger woman had become. Her once striking frame had been replaced by a slim, worrisome skinny one, if not alarming. Her bones were practically visible and resembled sharp edges that seemed to force their way out of her flesh.

Umi frowned. Maki had always been especially thin and well-shaped, but it had never been to such a worrying extent.

"I'm fine. I know what you're implying. I'll choke you with my bare hands if you speak it out loud."

"I'm just worried."

"I am pretty sure you have other things to worry about. Don't you waste your time on me."

"You are not a waste of time." Umi's voice was serious and almost a yell. Her words echoed through the room even seconds after. Defeated, Maki sighed, crossing her arms and raising a brow, "Since when do you even care about someone who isn't Ayase?"

Umi bit her lip in concern, "That's another thing to worry about. You two sure are a lot of trouble." The red haired's expression turned into a pensive one at the other woman's response.

"I'm not sure how she'll take this midget being back." Maki spoke, turning around again to set her eyes onto the rack of clothes she had neglected in order to face her opposite. Fingers working their way through several different pieces, she picked a red and lacy one that complimented her hair perfectly. Stepping into it and adjusting the straps, she continued thinking out loud, "It's probably for the better if we don't tell her though."

She faced the taller woman yet again, taking a few steps towards her. Getting on her knees, she gestured towards the strap on her left shoulder, "Help me out here."

"I'm afraid that's not possible." Umi muttered grim, fingers working on the tangled strap, "She seems to be here for performing live shows. She's probably the entertainer our boss was looking for."

Maki swallowed the bitterness rising inside of her, almost yelling as she replied, "As if that fucking brat has anything entertaining to offer besides money and lies!"

Feeling a painful snap of her clothing's strap against her shoulder, she looked up into amber eyes reflecting amusement.

"Untangled." Umi interrupted her fury, twinkling mischievously.

"That wasn't gentle at all." Maki pouted, rubbing the spot on her bare shoulder with a slightly pained expression.

"You didn't tell me to be gentle."

Maki stood up, feeling accrued blood wander down her legs again. She greeted her reflection in the mirror next to the wardrobe, locking eyes with a woman she couldn't recognize anymore.

"You workin' the entire night?" Umi asked concerned, registering the vitriolic glare the crimson haired was scrutinizing herself in the mirror with.

"Yeah." Maki nodded absentminded.

"Can't you let somebody else take your shift after 3pm?" The blue haired woman frowned as she spoke, the concern and worries she felt tighten up her chest were indescribable. The red haired seemed to lack relaxation and sleep in every way possible.

The woman standing in front of the mirror, the fragile and vulnerable person next to her - It wasn't the confident and vivacious woman Umi had gotten to know years ago.

Out of all the changes she had witnessed happening around her, out of all the people she had witnessed change in all ways possible – Out of all those, Maki had been the one to change most drastically and, unfortunately, most _tragically_.

The red haired woman raised a brow, locking eyes with her opposite from behind the vitreous surface she was staring at. A sharp and piercing glimmer spread throughout her gaze, making her seem distant and cold as she replied, "I don't know, can I? How about asking my clients if I can?" She paused, averting her eyes, "How about you ask my unpaid rents and insurance bills if I can?"

Umi couldn't help but discover the hidden bitterness in her words. Keeping up a masquerade must have been tough on the red haired. _Everything_ must be tough on her.

"Everything comes at its price, Umi." Maki continued speaking, covering the surface of the full-length mirror with a cloth before sitting herself next to the taller woman, "And I'm not going to lie, this job saves my ass each month. It might not be the most ethical one, believe me, I am aware of that." Her amethyst eyes were glistening as her words left pink, quivering lips. "Just as much as I am aware of the bad reputation it has on me. But honestly, can you blame me?"

She looked straight up into amber eyes, violet ones telling all of the worries the younger woman was afraid of speaking out loud.

"Can you blame me for wanting to lead a decent life?"

 _Could one blame her?_

"I can't. And I won't. And I didn't ever." Umi replied determined, wrapping one arm around the smaller woman and tucking her into a half-hearted embrace, "I never once judged you for the way of getting trough all of this. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression of that."

Umi stroked the back of the red haired gently, feeling her chest tighten at the proximity. Maki had never been a person to appreciate vicinity, but the older woman figured it was her fragility that caused her to loosen her usual attitude. Caught up in the emotionality of the moment, both women startled in astonishment as someone rushed into the room, letting the door click shut with an immensely loud clash.

"Sorry, I'm late." The intruder apologized harried, getting rid of her coat and blouse in an instant. Maki freed herself from Umi's embrace, observing the woman who had just entered the changing room with a frowned expression, " _Late_? Thought you had the day off."

"Change of plans. Figured I could use the extra money." Their opposite alternated between looking at Umi and Maki, raising a brow in disbelief, "Did you two just hug? Whose birthday did I miss?"

The red haired felt herself flush, explaining herself quickly while waving with her hands to clarify a misunderstanding, "W-we didn't hug. Umi just showed me-"

"How to accept basic human traits such as the need of having someone to rely on?" Her opposite interjected, smirking amused while unfastening the belt enveloping her hips, getting rid of her jeans soon after.

"Fuck off, Ayase." Maki muttered, registering the soft laughter of the blonde woman as a response.

"You've got ten minutes though" Umi mentioned blunt, "So hurry up. I don't want another customer to yell at me because of your unpunctuality and sloppiness."

The blonde grabbed one of the white button-down shirts piled up in a shelf and put it on in a hasty motion, black pencil skirt and matching tie following. Her slender fingers ran through her bright and silky hair, tying it up in a swift movement before turning around.

"Make that five, Sonoda." She twinkled triumphantly, storing her bag into one of the lockers in the room.

"Eli?" Maki asked insecurely, briefly glancing at Umi who slightly shook her head, signalizing her not to tell what she was about to mention. Perhaps, it was for the better. But she would find out eventually, it would only be a matter of time.

"Hmm?" The blonde replied humming.

Maki hesitated for a few seconds, deciding on refraining from informing her about the current events.

Yazawa Nico wasn't a topic to just chat about.

"N-nothing." The red haired stuttered, "I was just surprised to see you chose a black tie instead of the usual blue one."

The blonde turned around, locking eyes with the younger woman. Maki met frosty, icy blue eyes that seemed to paralyze her by just returning their gaze, "I'm not in the mood for blue." She stated bluntly and the hostile tone of her voice felt like a slap in the face. Maki exchanged knowing looks with Umi, feeling a chill run down her spine. She nodded, refraining from adding anything further.

 _Not in the mood for blue._

* * *

Blowing the dust off the microphone Nico had found between several instruments and amplifiers, she watched it vanish in the flickering moon light shining upon the faint powder from outside. She had opened the small window in the storage room beforehand, having felt a little dizzy after her conversation with Umi.

"Just for how long did they lack live musicians…" she muttered grimly to herself, floorboards creaking underneath each of her steps. She struggled with the weight of a carton containing required wires for the adjustment of microphone and guitar. Putting it onto the floor, she sighed heavily, voice grave as she continued talking to herself. "Where do I even begin with this mess? Does anyone here even care about order and cleanliness in the slightest?"

"What else to expect from _filthy human scum_?" Nico turned around, greeting amethyst. Her relaxed attitude vanished instantly, making room for a sombre and sinister expression. "Can't you get on somebody else's nerves?" She mumbled huskily, not in the mood for another argument.

"Shouldn't you be done with all of this already? Got hold up?" The red haired sneered bittersweet, a scornful chuckle forming its way upon her face.

Nico scanned her entire appearance from the distance, dust particles still flowing in the air as her rubies inspected the scarlet haired wearing a lacy, deep red dress-like piece that hugged her striking body tightly. Her gaze wandered down towards the see-through fabric of the stockings around her legs up to her thighs, feet embedded in a pair of red and velvety high heels. Nico remembered the expansive looking furniture from the main room, noticing the perfect match almost instantly.

"Shouldn't _you_ get going? There's still an hour left until I've got to go on stage for you lousy folks to perform." Nico noticed the red haired's brow twitch at her labelling, feeling her lips curve into a smug grin at the other woman's obvious reaction.

"I don't care what is that made you so bitter," Maki spoke hostile, "snd I don't even want to know. But you're just being pathetic."

"Who's being pathetic? I think you're confusing something here." Nico retorted, "I don't know about you, but I still remember your seventeen year old self dating _clearly_ older men for _money_. And honestly," She paused, rubies darting the other woman leaning in the doorway once again, "judged by your appearance, I don't think _dating_ is the proper term for your activities nowadays anymore."

Nico knew she had hit a sore spot and she knew the confirmation of her assumption would follow.

"Mind your own business, Yazawa." Maki struck back, crossing her arms in defence, "You're not in the position to demand reckoning." The black haired's chuckle increased, noticing the shift in the other woman's confident manners, the discomforting vibe she gave off by fumbling with the hem of her dress.

Actually, Nico was not even sure if the clothing that accentuated the scarlet haired's body so perfectly could even be referred to as a dress. The lacy fabric of it, the see-through texture – It was probably more of a lingerie than anything else.

Then again, what else would have been the case when it came to Nishikino Maki? Having expected her to change for the better had been an insanely stupid assumption of hers, she had to admit.

"You were the one to storm in like I fucking care about you being around." The smaller woman emphasized, each word of hers left her lips slowly and as gently as possible, driving the red haired insane fully purposely. "It's not like this could be referred to as a _business_ though. Even I expected you to, I don't know, move onto classier preferences? What a foolish thought." She turned around again, signalizing the crimson haired that she wasn't interested in a deepening of their conversation.

Fumbling with the wires in the carton she had set onto the ground just moments ago, she untangled them in a swift motion of her thin fingers, not realizing the sudden proximity between her and the scarlet haired soon enough who had closed the distance between them. Lowering her body, the other woman shifted her position in order to be at eye level with the smaller woman. Nico could feel her hot breath against her neck, a sudden wave of heat tickling her sensitive skin.

Her own body disobeyed her intentions, turning around to face the red haired again.

Locking eyes with Nico, her opposite chuckled sweetly, running her slender fingers through a pitch black strand of the other woman's hair as she spoke, "I'm sensing bitterness in your words and I'm starting to believe it's because you wished you were the one to be sleeping with me so desperately."

Nico froze the moment the other woman had spoken her words, feeling paralyzed. Abandoning all of her current movements, the wires in her hands fell onto the floor, the collision with the wooden floorboards being the only noticeable sound in the heavy silence that spread through the room. Maki distanced herself from the black haired again. Crimson curls stroked the older woman's cheek for a brief moment. A moment that passed in an instant.

"Good luck for your performance." The younger woman added, turning around once again before leaving, "Not like I care."

The moment the door clicked shut behind her, Nico let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, collecting the wires from the floor and plugging them into the microphone she had set up before the scarlet haired had interrupted her. Her fingers were shaking as she did so, though she could not tell why she was feeling so appalled by that encounter.

She did not know what Maki was thinking about her, and quite frankly, she did not care. If it helped her sleep at night, she could think whatever she wanted about her. Yet there was something deep within her, her heavily pounding heart, her ragged breathing that made her question her own sanity in that very moment.

Honestly, Nico had expected the other woman to work as everything but _that_.

Of course, she had known what kind of business she had gotten herself into, but to her, it had only been an option because of the well-paid offer as a _live musician_ ; certainly not for pleasing others in any other way than the enjoyment of her musical talent. She needed the luxury of being paid quite a good amount of money despite wanting to settle down when it came to her success in the world of celebrities.

If singing in a brothel business was what it took to be spoiled with such a luxury, then be it so. Then again, what might have caused the red haired to take such a job offer?

Nico wondered: Why didn't Maki take the job offer as a live musician? She knew well, the red haired was beyond talented when it came to singing and playing the piano. She could only assume the reasoning for it, but that would require her showing genuine interest in the taller woman. And that was something she would prefer to refrain from.

She shoved the thoughts aside, reminding herself to keep it together. She would only get in trouble if she started caring about her surroundings. Especially, if she started caring about _Nishikino Maki_.

It took at least twenty minutes to establish all of the requirements for tonight's performance and as soon as Nico stepped out of the room she had spent almost an hour in, she noticed the noisiness coming from the main room of the business, hitting her like a wave almost instantly.

She knew the business hours at her new workplace were quite strange arranged, the opening time being around 10 pm whereas the closing hours alternated between late morning and early afternoon. She did not question them nevertheless. She did not know the advantages and drawbacks one had to consider when choosing how to lead one's own business. Judging by the crowdedness she could discover from her position, it must be past ten already.

Struggling with carrying the amplifier for her guitar towards the stage, she absorbed bits and pieces of conversations as she walked along the hallway that eventually led her to said room.

Dipped into well-known red lights, everything had an intimate atmosphere despite the obvious lack of intimacy this entire industry had. Nico felt goose bumps cover her arms as she set her eyes on the crowded multiplicity of people; waitresses hovering around, serving drinks in a specified dining compartment, men sitting at the bar and fuddling themselves with high percentage beverages. The black haired shrugged at the mere sight, spotting Umi behind the bar who was laughing and chatting with customers as if she wasn't encircled by greedy hypocrites thinking they could buy everything with money.

Even _love_.

Her gaze remained on the crowd, searching for one familiar face in particular. She did not know why she was looking for her, she just did it out of an impulse. But despite of her flashing presence one would always recognize in a crowd, she could not find her.

And it made her wonder, what if Maki had lost her spark? Lost it along the way of her not being around?

She shook her head in an instant, not allowing herself to even give a second thought to it. Such a behavior would only imply her showing interest and concern which definitely wasn't the case. Maki could earn her living as a serial killer and she could not care less.

Nico fought her way through the crowd, bumping into several people and muttering apologizing words before finally reaching the steps to the stage. As soon as she had set a foot onto the radiant ground of it, she placed the magnifier onto its shiny surface, noticing curious stares.

Slow, voluptuous music was playing in the background already and Nico tensed at the intimidating bass solo that followed the melodic symphony of it. After plugging in all of the equipment, her fingers worked their way up to the microphone, tapping against its grid-like surface in order to create a high pitched tone spreading throughout the entire room, drawing the attention of the audience towards her.

The black haired took a seat on the chair that had been placed onto the stage, shouldering her guitar and adjusting it for a few seconds. The murmur encircling her did not go unnoticed to her sensitive ears, yet, she took her time for the perfect adjustment.

The moment she looked up from the instrument, ready to announce the reason for her presence, she met amethyst eyes.

Even form across the room, she could feel the vibrant aura of those violet orbs observing her. The scarlet haired was sitting on one of the luxurious looking velvety benches, the color of it blending in perfectly with the clothing accentuating her glorious body. She had crossed her legs and propped her chin onto the back of her tender hand, her gaze set on the stage that too was dipped in dimmed red light shining upon the smaller woman in that very moment.

Despite her revulsion of the sight, Nico noticed a man sitting next to her. She cringed at the proximity between them, scolding herself to _mind her own business_.

Averting her eyes from the piercing stare of the other woman, she forced herself to speak up, lowering the microphone in front of her lips, "I'll be quick with my introduction." She explained curtly, "Some of you might know me already, but for the ones who don't: I'm Yazawa Nico and I'm going to be around quite often from now on. You don't need to pay a lot of attention to me, just listen to the meaning behind my words." She clarified, fully aware of the effect she had on everyone around. The cold and distant tone of her voice was just the perfect way of expressing the reserved attitude she was striving to keep towards this industry.

She wasn't here to create matching melodies to their obviously crippling sex life.

She was here because of everything she had _abandoned_ and everything that had been left _unsaid_.

Making sure the adjustments to her guitar were fitting by playing a few simple and basic chords, she decided to just sing freely. She had not been able to rehearse after all, so improvising would have to work.

Fretting the first chords of a well-known melody she used to play quite often overseas, she closed her eyes for a brief moment, remembering the words to a song she had written just a few months after leaving Japan. After detaching herself from the mess she had left behind.

The words left her lips without actually thinking about them, different colored pairs of eyes staring at her in astonishment, wondering how such a hostile and grave seeming person could sing words of such heaviness and worry.

She avoided looking into amethyst eyes on purpose, focusing on playing the right chords and not slipping in her movements although she knew deep within, it was impossible. She finished off with the last verse, and she did not know why, but she felt something hot and wet run down her left cheek in that very moment, leaving a trail of bitter and salty liquidness behind.

As soon as her fingers ran down the open strings of her guitar for the last time, clapping seemed to swallow her whole, encircled her in the blink of an eye. Nico felt the heaviness on her shoulders vanish, the little moment of joy and the slight sign of appreciation overwhelming her. But said moment passed way too soon, being an appearance of temporarily matter only.

It was dead silent again when words cut through the air, sharp like knives, cutting into the black haired's flesh even from the distance. It felt like falling into abyss with a mess of shards on its ground.

And Nico knew, those words had the meaning of enormous contempt in them, despising and furious.

"I'm going to slice her up open, don't you worry!" Someone yelled enraged and as soon as Nico realized what was happening around her, it happened already. A blonde, tall woman stormed towards the stage. Her pace was quick and reckless, her expression filled with hatred.

Several stares followed her actions, nobody dared to say a word after the heaviness of the blonde's assertion seemed to hang in the air like an unspoken curse that left everyone around her to stay silent for their own good.

Nico was sure of it, her frosty blue eyes contained an amount of anger barely anyone would be capable of carrying in oneself.

Everyone was staring at her, murmuring and questioning the taller woman's sanity as she walked up the stairs in a hasty motion, each step enormously clamorous and uproarious before grabbing the smaller woman by her collar, causing the fabric to wrinkle due to her harsh grasp. "What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing here?" She spat, and the black haired felt the grip around the texture of her dress tighten, fists obviously clenching, "Don't you think you've damaged enough people already? Don't you think you've done _enough_ to push us into misery?"

Her words were too loud to be this close and as much as Nico wanted to close her eyes, to shut off everything that was happening around her despite it involving her, she could not dare to act ignorant. Not if she was facing Eli.

She owed her.

The black haired could not react. She did not know how to. She did not know how to find fitting words. Nothing would comfort the outraged blonde to a satisfying extent. _Ever_. She remained silent, returning the gaze of icy sapphires, and she swore, it made her blonde opposite even angrier. The piercing expression she had on her usually soft features sent shivers down her spine.

 _Just how much did everyone change?_ _And just how much was her fault?_

"Eli, that's enough!" Another familiar voice shouted, slowly walking up to them, a fierce, yet just as scornful expression on her face.

"Shut your mouth, Sonoda! It won't ever be enough for this _filthy_ bitch!" The blonde continued despising the black haired in the most humiliating way possible; in front of _everyone_ ,

In front of _Nishikino Maki_.

Her grip tightened even more, leaving Nico to wonder if she would choke her right in front of so many people. She knew the other woman was capable of such an action. _She had made her capable of such an action._ She did not dare to avert her eyes due to the intimidating vibe her opposite gave off, but she wanted to know so _badly_ what the red haired was doing right now.

 _Enjoying the sight of her getting what she deserved?_

"It's enough." Words repeated, more closely to her, softer than before. Nico had not realized the dark haired woman approaching them despite it being the obvious thing to happen. Everything was getting blurry and the ground underneath her seemed to shake and swallow her whole.

Soft palms touched her neck and then continued to wrap around clenched fists grabbing onto her collar, removing them in a soft and tender manner. "Not here." Umi whispered softly towards the blonde whose expression remained the same and Nico bet, her opposite would have loved to beat her up in that very moment, her ghastly expression informing her about that fact explicitly.

Wrapping an arm around the shoulders of the blonde, Umi accompanied her down the stage into the hallway that would lead her to the department for workers only, darkness swallowing them soon after.

Nico averted her eyes in the moment both women had trailed off her own, and everyone else's sight, looking for Maki. But she wasn't there anymore, the spot she had been watching her from on was empty. Only wrinkled, velvety cushions revealed that she had been sitting on it before.

The black haired frowned, clearing her throat before continuing as collected and calm as possible, "I am sorry for the inconvenience." She apologized coarsely, fretting the chords to another song already.

* * *

" _Eli_ , calm down!"

"Let go of me! I am calm!" The blonde freed herself from the tight and unsurprisingly harsh grip the other woman had on her, "I am calm! See!"

Exhaling deeply, she tried to remain as calm as her colleague wanted her to be, suppressing the urge to just storm right back into the upheaval she had just created. Umi closed the door behind them only for it to be opened again, a well-known red haired entering the room.

"What the fuck was that, Eli? Have you lost your mind?!" She immediately grouched, crossing her arms as soon as the door shut behind her. Her words echoed through the room, black painted walls absorbing the inclement and hostile sound of her raspy voice.

"Yeah. Go ahead and defend her. Didn't expect anything else from you." Eli retorted sinister, practically spitting her words in front of the younger woman who was scowling at her in fury.

"You really think I, out of all the people, would _defend_ her?" The red haired hissed, sitting herself onto an armchair in the private worker's lounge they had entered. She lowered her voice, dipping the harshness of her words in a concerned embedding, "I am worried about your reputation. If your reputation suffers, so does Umi's and so does mine. And so does the reputation of this entire business."

"Like I care about your reputation, Nishikino!" The blonde snapped furiously, brow twitching in anger.

"You should! I can't afford loosing this job and so can't Umi! You might be able to eat that up well, but we certainly can't. So stop being so self-centered and give your spontaneous aggravations some thoughts!"

"Fuck off, Maki! I am allowed to be selfish in this matter and you know it! You can be a prostitute everywhere!"

 _Words as sharp as knives._

"What did you just say?" Maki said slowly, despite the obvious anger that arose inside of her at the blonde's words. Her hands where shaking as she spoke, standing up from her seat in a slow manner to be at eye level with her opposite.

Umi quickly decided to meddle in their argument before the situation would get out of hand. She pushed Maki, who had stood up in order to face her opposite properly, softly back into her seat, registering her complaints, but ignoring them completely.

"Stop fighting about futile matters. This is going nowhere if you keep it up like that."

"Didn't you hear what she just said?" Maki interjected quickly, voice bitter and vitriolic, "Didn't you hear the _patronizing_ tone of her voice? As if she's any better because she's _just_ a waitress. Service is service. In the end, she still provides a service like I do." She alternated between looking at Umi and Eli, ending up at keeping her gaze on the blonde, "You are _nowhere_ better. And you have no right to judge me after all the things _you've_ done."

"Eli." Umi scolded before the latter could reply, glaring at the blonde who was crossing her arms in defence, "Apologize."

"Like hell. Nishikino knows exactly I've spilled the truth." She hissed, pointing towards the red haired, "You make me sick. Tolerating this brat being around after all she has done."

"I don't-" Maki was quick to react, but Umi interrupted her.

"She doesn't. We don't. If you had listened to us, you would have realized." She sighed, "Now apologize to her and we'll talk this through."

Eli hesitated for a few moments before sighing annoyed and approaching the scarlet haired, sitting herself onto the armrest of the chair the other woman was sitting on. "I didn't mean it like that. You got the wrong impression. I was just saying that all of us," She gestured towards her and her opposite, before including Umi, "could easily replace each job of ours. I wasn't implying-"

"It's fine." Maki shut her off, voice still distant and cold as to having been hurt nevertheless.

"No, it's not. I'm sorry, Maki." Eli apologized, squeezing the bare thigh of the other woman lovingly, "I just lost my temper."

"You always do." Maki muttered half-heartedly, "Just stop touching me and we'll let it slide."

Maki had never appreciated proximity. The proximity she had to provide for her living was not comparable to the proximity other - _normal_ \- people desired. There were no affection, no emotions, no feelings involved. Proximity was a bother. The closeness to other human beings would only end up spelling doom for her.

The blonde withdrew her hand and averted her eyes from Maki in order to look at Umi standing in front of them, "And now? What are we going to do?"

"Nothing. You are going to do nothing. You've done enough already." Umi clarified, expression grim, "Just bear with her. She might lose interest."

"Tch. As if. She's never gonna lose interest in ruining my life." She paused curtly, "Our. Our lives."

Maki raised a brow, exchanging glances with Umi, "What makes you think it's only your life that's affected? Look at us. Working here. Never thought I'd add that to my resume."

"It was just a slip of the tongue."

"No, it certainly wasn't. Stop lying." The red haired muttered fiercely, "You think you're the poor and pitiful little woman that will never learn how to be happy again. And it's you. Only you and nobody else. But you're wrong, Eli."

She stood up, legs shaking as she continued talking, "Did you know that I haven't even found the time to shower last days? Because I've been working my ass off. Now that's _filthy_ , isn't it? Someone with a job like _this_ lacking time for a simple shower? Lacking time to even think about what's going to happen next in their life?" She paused, closing her amethyst eyes for a short moment, "But you're right. It's only you suffering. Poor Eli."

The red haired walked towards the door, yanking it open in a precipitate and rash manner, "Now if you'll excuse me, I don't have the time to chit-chat about your childish plans of revenge. The faster you learn to accept the way things are, the faster you'll come to the realization that you're not the only one hurting."

Her words hung in the air, heavy and bitter, leaving a faint trail of anguish behind. The door clicked shut behind her crimson curls that waved due to her quickening pace, the creaking sound of high heels meeting floorboards trailed off the other women's perception in only a few seconds.

Umi darted a glance at the older woman remaining in the room, "You know she's not in her best state."

Eli sighed, crossing her legs on the armrest she was sitting on, missing the warmth of the younger woman who had been sitting next to her just a couple of seconds ago. She knew, she had strained the other woman's capacity of incorporating any more anguish than she herself had already been struggling to deal with and she knew she had been too insensitive and selfish in that matter.

But when it came to Yazawa Nico, she could not control her emotions and she certainly couldn't ever _forgive and forget_.

"She seemed pretty tense to me today anyway. Does it have to do-"

"With Yazawa?" Umi interjected blunt, "Of course it does. Honestly, I don't even know what caused her to move back into the city. She has enough money and she achieved success overseas. She could have been just fine away from us. Far away from us."

"I'm worried about Maki. I'm sensing trouble." The blonde smoothened her black tie, flicking the tip of the silky texture between her pointer and middle finger.

"She hasn't been herself lately anyway." Umi admitted with a downcast expression before sighing heavily, "It's no use guessing. We will see what's going to happen next. And judging from the current events, I'm predicting _you're_ in trouble."

Eli sunk lower in her seat at the other woman's words, conscious of the consequences her actions would have, "You don't have to tell our boss?" She asked, an unspoken plea hidden in her voice.

"I'm not going to mention anything. But I'm not the only person around. You should have at least threatened her in private."

* * *

Shaking off the oddly strange feeling of being watched, Nico packed up the equipment she had arranged earlier in order to put it back into the storage room she had found them in.

It was four in the morning and the black haired could neither spot Umi in the remaining crowdedness nor Eli. And it was a relief. She had known from the beginning, nobody would appreciate her being around for good. But she had to adjust herself to the hatred she would receive from now on and she would have to steel herself for it.

It was fine by her. She did not want to bond with her former friends again either. The feeling was mutual.

She felt revulsion rise inside of her at the notice of so many people still lingering around. She bet ninety percent of all present people were beyond wasted already. She shrugged at the thoughts, reminding herself to hurry. _Sleep was just what she needed right now_.

Back in the storage room, she put everything back into its assigned place, wiping the sweat off her forehead soon after. Having performed in the glaring and dimmed light for several hours had used up all her stamina for today. Of course, she was used to it. But considering the past occurred events, her exhaustion was reasonable. To her, at least.

"I don't know what it is that makes you so eager on working here, but do you really think it's the safest bet regarding your own well-being?"

Recognizing the melodic and earnest voice in an instant, Nico turned around, feeling the familiarity of her situation overly explicit. Except that it wasn't the red haired talking. And she was glad it wasn't.

 _She was probably occupied somewhere else._

The taller woman took a few steps forward, observing Nico with a blank expression. "I'm not concerned about you though. But you have seen the trouble you are causing amongst us."

Nico gritted her teeth, "I'm not responsible for Eli's aggravation problems." She immediately wished she had not spoken those words.

"You surely are responsible." Umi laughed bitterly and Nico hated herself for being torn in such a situation, for having to prove herself each time she faced a familiar face. "I'm not sure what it is that you are desiring. And I'm not interested in getting to know your motives either, as I clarified before. But I hope you are aware of the impact you have on _my_ friends."

Nico flinched at the emphasis the other woman put on Eli and Maki being _her_ friends, feeling her heart clench inside of her chest, "And if you dare to hurt them in any way possible again, I'll make sure you won't even risk coming back a second time."

"Uh, you almost got me hopping back onto a plane. Almost." The black haired retorted, feeling a chill run down her spine at the intimidating aura encircling them. Despite her complacency, she knew well she was walking on thin ice. Each action of hers could cause damage at this point.

"You surely have some guts to be this confident. We will see how that's going to look like in a few weeks." The younger woman turned her back towards the black haired, stopping just next to the doorway as she noticed Nico daring to reply, "Are you seriously threatening me right now? Sonoda Umi, the justice activist, is _threatening_ me?"

Umi turned her head to the side, glaring at the other woman from the corner of her eyes, amber flickering like fire as she spoke, "I am not the person you used to know." She averted her eyes and Nico bet she discovered a faint hint of regret in her voice as she continued retorting, "And I'm certainly not the one to stand up for justice anymore."


	3. Old Passions, Old Desires?

**A/N** : I am sorry, this chapter is kind of short, but I felt like adding anything more to it would only cause the ending to be less interesting. I don't know. See for yourself.

Music rec: Simon Curtis - Dead To Me

* * *

Chapter Two

* * *

Maki's pace was slow, her feet struggled with carrying the weight of her fragile body and with each step she took, she felt exhaustion creep up. Everything was getting blurry around her. Everything seemed to lose color, second by second. Sallow silhouettes hovered around, floated through her vision like faint images of absurdly vague surrealism. Nothing seemed real anymore, voices spoke a strange language, words were floating in the air and yet, they did not reach her ears to convey any logical meaning.

" _F-fuck_ ," she cursed coarsely, her voice only a frail croak as words left her lips and although she herself had spoken them, they did not echo through her mind, they did not repeat themselves, they held meaningless in an apparent meaning.

She did not know what was happening with her, but something seemed different.

Something _felt_ different.

She certainly was not drunk, she was sure of that fact. She was always utterly careful when it came to drinking during work. One drink, maximum. To loosen up a little. To _relax_.

Her head was spinning, just like everything around her was spinning. Dimmed red lights seemed to be more glaring than ever, people seemed to be louder than usual. Her shaking legs matched the tremble of her quavering hands, her sharp nails dug into her palms, causing them to feel numb due to the pain.

Nothing seemed to help reduce her nausea, her dizziness, the feeling of losing touch with her surroundings.

Abandoning all of her movements, she tried to gather her thoughts, _gather her mobility_ , but her own body disobeyed her intentions almost instantly. She felt like being an observer from the outside, having no control over anything regarding herself. Propping her arm against a wall to stabilize her ragged breathing, Maki felt a tender grip wrap around her wrist, in an exceptionally slow and gentle manner. Soft hands then continued wrapping around her waist, gently and carefully guiding her along the hallway, it seemed.

She could not tell. Her vision was failing to inform her about everything happening around her. Someone seemed to mutter something under their breath right next to her - Words she could not understand, words that could not reach her, words that did not hold any meaning.

Her finger tips only barely traced along the walls she had propped her arm against just a few seconds ago, and only the sound of scraping nails echoed in her ears before the blandness that encircled her turned into an imagery of black color only - As if an ebony curtain wrapped around her senses, causing her too lose touch with not only her surroundings, but reality as well.

Maki did not know how long she had been unconscious, and even when she felt herself registering what was happening around her again, she preferred to feign unawareness.

It had been a long time since she had felt soft cushions underneath her, since she had felt devoid of responsibilities, if only for a few minutes. Faint, whispering voices interfused with the sound of creaking floorboards; everything seemed to be overly noisy and immensely precise to absorb. Maki opened her eyes slowly, blinking hesitantly.

"Yes. I do have proof. Her face. Her personality. _Her entire being_." A familiar voice spoke in a discontented tone, causing shivers up the crimson haired's arms as she listened intently.

"You're supposed to be the mature one of us. You can't just jump into conclusions all the time and you certainly can't accuse someone of doing something when you don't have the evidence to prove your assumptions."

"Why didn't you become a fucking lawyer, Umi? You seem to be quite good at defending the guilty."

Maki shut her eyes in an instant. She didn't want to get involved in this drama that was going on right next to her. She decided to listen to their argument before drawing conclusions as to what was going on.

"Stop behaving like a child. You know exactly I'm just trying to keep it real."

"What else do you think happened? I'm far from assuming that she would drug her drink herself."

"Stop twisting everything I say to your advantage! I know she wouldn't do that." Umi paused briefly, "Anymore."

"How can you even question her fortitude at this point!"

"How _couldn't_ I, Eli?" Umi's voice rose with each word spoken, "Have you even _seen_ her last weeks? That woman has become a human wreck! I am just looking after her!"

"By thinking she's turned into a drug addict? Just the _perfect_ way of looking after her."

Realizing the urgency of clarifying her consciousness and with that, the awareness of their argument, Maki cleared her throat before speaking up as blunt as possible. "I'm not sure what you two are up to and I don't even care, because my head feels like it's about to explode. I'd appreciate it, if you could just shut the _fuck_ up."

For a moment, it was silent. Then, the crimson haired felt cushions sink lower, weight increasing on them, on the bed she was apparently lying in. She couldn't tell and she did not care. If it was comfortable, it would be enough. Enough to satisfy the exhaustion that had been creeping up for weeks.

Furrowing a brow in suspicion, she opened her amethyst eyes, facing her two colleagues who inspected her with concerned expressions.

The blonde of them was staring right _through_ her, it seemed – Sapphire, frosty orbs glimmering in the glaring light of a provisory lamp above. The proximity to her made it almost impossible for Maki to set her eyes on the other woman sitting behind her, only darkish blue strands made her presence clear.

"Did you–" Eli began asking, before averting her eyes in guilt.

"–Hear what you two had to discuss about me while _I_ was in the same room? Yeah." Maki replied cynically, rubbing her forehead with a pained expression. She looked around, noticing familiar furniture – Old-fashioned and uninteresting. She did not dare to call such an interior _vintage_. Those were just the basic facilities one needed to lead a decent life with. Nothing more or less. And she was aware of that fact.

"Did you seriously drag me home?" She asked surprised. Her throat felt dry, causing her words to only be a quiet whisper, "What the fuck even happened? I can't remember a single thing." Despite her conviction of being safe and sound when Umi was around, her being the only person she could slightly rely on, Maki couldn't help but panic. Her mind seemed to be completely blank, as if someone had replaced the content of thousands of diary entries with blank pages. As if anything after her argument with Eli did not even happen. As if she had been sleeping all along. And she wished it had been like that. A dream-like imagination.

Umi nodded slightly, exchanging a glance with Eli who then explained, "You passed out at work," the blonde spoke worried, while alternating between looking into Maki's and Umi's eyes, unsure how to continue.

Maki let out an annoyed hiss, shutting her eyes for a brief moment, the pounding of her headache causing her forehead to feel numb. She certainly had not forgotten the argument with her opposite from earlier, which made her even more sensitive to the other woman's insecurity and hesitation. There was no reason to euphemize things anymore, at least not for Maki.

"Just fucking spill already. I don't need you to sugar coat everything for me, I'm not seventeen anymore."

The shift in Eli's sapphire eyes did not go unnoticed, changing into a reserved – Distant even, gaze that made Maki feel satisfied. So her words still had an effect on her.

"Well," Umi spoke up after clearing her throat, voice suspiciously low, "Yazawa helped you back into the dressing room. She said she had been about to leave when she noticed you acting kind of weird. So she approached you and saw you struggling with even standing on your own two feet."

Maki did not add anything to the other woman's explanation, feeling frozen solid. She faced the ceiling in disbelief, avoiding her colleague's stares on purpose. She did not want them to see the astonishment her eyes must reflect in that very moment. She did not want them to seek behind her facade.

 _It couldn't be, right?_

 _It certainly could not be the truth._

"She helped you back into the dressing room and called me." Umi continued explaining, "And after that, she just left."

"Which leads us to the assumption that she's the cause for this incident!" Eli exclaimed sharply, gritting her teeth, "I don't believe a word that leaves a hypocrite's mouth."

Umi put a hand on the blonde's shoulder, before stating her opinion in a dull tone. "You don't even _know_ if drugs were involved." She averted her eyes, glancing at the red haired opposed, "Because I honestly do not think that's what happened here." She raised a brow in anticipation, propping her flat palm onto the sheets in order to lock eyes with Maki, awaiting her to agree.

Maki sighed, aware of the fact that Umi would always be able to seek behind her made up excuses, "I might have been feeling kind of odd lately."

"That is because you've been overworking yourself!" Umi exclaimed scolding, frowning slightly at the sight of the younger woman having exhausted herself to such a heavy extent. "If you don't stop draining yourself you'll end up in the hospital one day, woman!"

"I wouldn't mind, honestly." Maki muttered as a response, "It's not like I love my life the way it is."

They fell silent, the sudden heaviness of her words lingering in the air – Breathing in those words would have left anyone suffocating. Eli stood up, nodding towards Umi, who then did the same. Despite their worries and sorrows regarding Maki, there was little they could do at this point.

"You make sure to rest well." Eli demanded earnestly, "I don't want to pick up your dead body one day. I've seen enough of that concern in my life already."

"You two better make sure to leave right now or I'll push you out of the window. I don't need you two to treat me like a child. I'm an adult." The red haired replied scowling, turning her back to the two women, who were about to leave her apartment, facing the wall next to her bed as a result.

"A pretty crappy one, too." Eli retorted mockingly, grinning smugly as she noticed Maki hissing as a reply, "If you show up at work tomorrow, I'm gonna make sure _I'm_ the one to kill you."

"Can't wait for that."

The moment Maki heard the door click shut behind both women, a heavy sigh left her lips. Everything was quiet around her, _too_ quiet. She was not used to tranquillity. She had never imagined silence to be _this_ painful and misplaced, unfamiliar even.

She lifted a hand, reaching for the blanket her body was wrapped in and pulling it down to her ankles. She did not know how late or early it was and it did not matter. She had to treat the spare time available as precious as possible, she had to relish _every_ second of it.

"First thing's definitely going to be a shower." The red haired muttered to herself, the pounding of her headache not seeming to leave so soon.

* * *

Nico did not know how she had ended up getting carried away this easily, how she had ended up _caring_ nonetheless. Despite her attempts on detaching herself, attachment seemed to be the ultimate force working against her.

Then again, helping someone out was not a matter of attachment, right? At least considering the circumstances and the urgency of that situation. If someone was about to pass out _right_ in front of her eyes, she could not just leave them by himself, right?

It was common sense. Common sense and nothing else. It did not change anything regarding the extent of contempt she held. She bet Umi had not been happy about her being the one to help out in that very moment either. Perhaps, she had not even told Maki about it. It would be the best for everyone involved.

It was early in the afternoon when Kotori spontaneously showed up at her place. Nico knew before opening the door that it must be Kotori standing on the other side of it. Such a gentle knock could only be the brown haired woman she had known for so long.

 _Had_ known.

Nico was glad Kotori did not comment on that aspect anymore. It left her to wonder that it might have been the alcohol talking the other night when she had mentioned everyone having changed. But if she thought about what had happened last night, if she thought about Eli's icy sapphire eyes, burning with desire to just _hit_ her in the face, she had to remind herself of the painful truth. And Kotori's words had been the truth all along.

"Your house is amazing, Nico." Kotori admired as she stood in the doorway.

"You've only seen it from the outside." Nico replied dull, causing the brown haired to chuckle amused.

"I'm sure it's even more amazing from the inside." She gestured towards the inside and the black haired nodded, letting her step inside.

Kotori did not waste any time, heading straight to the living room, before yet another admiring sigh left her lips. Nico followed her slowly, "It's not that big of a deal, I'm still–"

" _Not that big of a deal_? Your living room is twice as big as my entire apartment." Kotori interrupted hastily, letting her finger tips trace along the fabric of lacy curtains, "Those are beautiful." She spoke yearning, "You need to tell me where you got these from! I was just looking for a fabric like this for my latest fashion line."

Nico raised a brow, despite knowing the other woman did not pay any attention to her facial expression, being too distracted by a, at least to her, so simple texture of curtains. She watched her slender fingers smoothen the lacy texture in a tender manner, as if she was touching an insanely precious artefact. Sensing a deeper meaning behind her appearance, Nico raised her voice, thinking out loud, "Why are you here, Kotori?" She asked straight up, leaning in the doorway of her living room, eyes darting the woman standing next to the window.

Kotori turned around, amber meeting ruby, before her hands finally let go of the curtains. The following sigh of hers sent a shiver down Nico's spine, who then sat herself onto a large, cream white lounge in the centre of the room.

Something was telling her that she would better sit down for this.

She did not want to push the other woman who seemed to struggle with revealing the reason for her appearing, but it bothered her nevertheless. The insecurity and secrets that seemed to be an unspoken condition of this entirely new world of her former friends – All of it made her sick to the core, the acrimony of it making her want to empty the content of her stomach right in front of everyone that acted so suspiciously shady and secretive around her.

Surely, everyone had their secrets, but just how much secrecy could one single person handle? Just how much covertness could a person be capable of until it would tear them apart?

"I'm not here to make you feel bad for the things you've done when we were younger." Kotori assured, voice slow and careful as she approached a bench opposed from Nico, "But I thought I should let you know about this."

Nico observed the cushions sink under her opposite's weight, the white surface wrinkling underneath her. Her tender hands reached into the grey suit jacket she was wearing, revealing a blank envelope. Nico discovered hesitation in her glistening eyes, but she remained silent, awaiting an explanation. Kotori let the envelope slide over the vitreous table separating her from the black haired, leaving a trail of her finger tips on the glassy surface of it behind.

"What's that?" Nico asked curiously, taking the object into her own hands, inspecting its surface overly explicit. However, there was not much to inspect – There were no letters, no address, no name written on it, which left her to wonder where Kotori got the letter from in the first place if it had not been the mail.

"I-it's from Umi." Kotori said quietly, averting her eyes to avoid the black haired's curious stare that followed.

"From Umi? Why didn't she tell you in person?"

The moment the words had left her lips, Nico regretted saying them almost instantly. She had gotten to know the distance that had grown between the two women, and although none of them had clarified it explicitly to her, it was obvious. The mere sight of the both of them, shrugging each time someone would mention the other's name, their reserved ways of explaining their lack of communication whenever she brought it up – It had been almost _too_ obvious.

And yet, it was none of her business. She could not demand a clarifying statement from her opposite. She was the last person in the position to do so. And she had to get used to the feeling of being almost irrelevant to every issue involving her former friends. They simply were not her friends anymore, they were _strangers_.

And one would never dare to dig in a stranger's history.

"I found it in a drawer of my nightstand." Kotori explained quietly, "I almost forgot about it. Umi must have forgotten it there when she–" She averted her eyes in wistfulness, her words only a silent whisper as she continued, "– moved out."

Nico felt her heart shatter into tiny pieces at the other woman's reaction, realizing that not only her unfinished endings seemed to be an imagery of regret and guilt, buried deep down in the backyard of painful memories.

"But why are you giving this to _me_?" She asked, gesturing towards the envelope in her hands. Nico did not know how to interpret the sudden silence that followed her words, but she was sure of the fact that it could not mean anything positive.

"Just open it." Kotori replied, yet again quietly, still avoiding her opposite's stare.

Nico's fingers traced along the outline of the envelope, before opening it carefully, revealing a piece of paper that seemed to have something attached on its inside. She unfolded the letter, eyes darting the words written down in blue ink.

She read them over and over, and everything seemed to blur around her.

The moment she set her rubies onto the smaller piece of paper attached to the letter, she could feel the ground underneath her shake – And she wished for it to swallow her whole.

Her mouth was dry as she gathered her thoughts, trying to find the right words, "Where did she get this from? She isn't seriously going to use this against me _now_ , is she? It's been years." Nico swallowed. "That's insane. You know it is, right?" She looked up from the piece of paper her trembling hands were holding onto, forcing amber eyes to greet her. She knew her voice had only been a shaky whisper; a whisper that revealed her emotions too well, a whisper she had wished to be a solid statement.

"I-I'm not sure how far she would go." Kotori stuttered, voice insecure and husky, "And I'm not sure what will happen if she really does press charges against you."

" _How_ can you be unsure? Didn't you live with her under the same roof for years? How can you _not_ be sure of what she's capable?" Nico could not help but raise her voice. Although she did not want to yell at her opposite, she could not maintain calmness, considering the urgency of realizing in what kind of situation she found herself being.

She would find herself in serious trouble, that was for sure. If Umi went through with the ventilations she had described in that letter, she would win this case. Nico had never been surer of a fact.

The taller woman was surprisingly convincing when it came to laws and principles – She was strict and guided by rules and policies, and on top of all, she had Eli and Maki to back up every single statement she would declare in court. They would not even hesitate to justify her arguments and they would chuckle at her from across the room, chuckle at the sight of her, drowning in the guilt and regrets of something the Nico in the past had done.

Something neither the Nico in the past, nor the one in the present was proud of.

Kotori winced at the latter's harsh response, eyes glistening as she tried finding a fitting response. "I don't know who she is anymore. And I'm not sure if I ever knew, Nico." Her eyes filled with tears as she continued speaking, "And I'm afraid I can't tell you what you want to hear."

The brown haired covered her face with her bare hands, silent sobs leaving her lips every now and then, the doleful sound of her statement causing the atmosphere to shift into an almost _tragic_ one.

Nico found herself feeling paralyzed. Her blood was rushing way too fast through her veins, and the room seemed to spin around her. She had tried to avoid pushing the other woman to satisfy her own curiosity, but now that the ink's been spilled, she did not know how to process the information. Her fingers reached over the table, grabbing Kotori's hand and squeezing it tightly , handing her the envelope back.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have forced you to tell me these things." She apologized truthfully, leaning forward a little before continuing, "Keep the letter. I will talk to Umi in private."

The black haired stood up and sat herself next to the younger woman, tugging her into an embrace, absorbing her muffled sobs soon after. Whatever it was that turned her into an even more fragile woman than she had been beforehand already, it could have been only something as bad as Nico's own actions.

And being aware of that fact made Nico shiver – As if this was yet another disaster she had caused before leaving everyone behind in her mess of shards.

* * *

"I haven't seen you in ages."

Maki chuckled, fully conscious of her having abandoned most of her passions, hobbies, and almost every once so usual all-day activity.

"I have been pretty busy, I admit." She replied, "I wish I had more time to visit."

"I suggest you take the piano over there?" The woman pointed towards an old-fashioned, yet marvellous looking, piano in the corner of the empty concert hall. The crimson haired did as she had been asked to, taking a seat on a red, velvety piano stool. _Red velvet_. She shrugged. Why did she have to be reminded of her work _everywhere?_

Her amethyst eyes darted the dusty piano keys with hungry, _greedy,_ eyes as if she was a hunter observing the prey from a distance; as if she had never desired to touch something more.

"How come you found some time today?" The woman asked from across the room, adjusting a few light settings as she spoke.

Maki stretched her arms, sighing heavily, "I have the day off. The first in ages."

"Seems quite tough." The woman commented pitying, an astute expression on her face as she glanced at the crimson haired for a brief moment, "What was it that you're working as again? Such a petite woman like you shouldn't overwork herself."

A shiver ran down Maki's spine at her opposite's question. She forced herself to keep a casual attitude, forced herself to deny her true self, "I'm a waitress at a restaurant." She lied bluntly, eyes set onto the dusty keys in front of her, finger tips tracing along the filthy layer, revealing a shiny surface underneath.

Hidden underneath all of the dust, there had to be a sight of something more beautiful than one could ever take in.

"I see. It's tough when you're living alone. I really hope you don't exhaust yourself."

"I'm fine." Maki said curtly, "From time to time, I just need to remember where I come from."

The other woman's pupils dilated in surprise at those serious words, but she did not add anything further, offering a wide smile as she spoke. "Feel free to spend as much time as you want to here. Just make sure you tell someone around to lock the room when you decide to leave."

"I will." The red haired assured, watching the other woman leave. As soon as she realized she was alone in the spacious hall, she let out an exhausted sigh.

It had been a long time since she had found the time to play on the piano again, in fact, it had been _years_. When she was a teenager, she used to come here quite often – A concert hall that was almost always empty during day-time. Most of the perfomances here happened around evening times and the Maki in the past had been beyond glad about that fact. It had been an enormously great opportunity to take, causing her to practice playing the piano almost every day after school due to the kindness of a few workers here.

Nowadays, she could not waste her time with such things anymore. There were bills to pay and food to buy, and no matter how much she twisted and turned it around, she would never get a decent amount of money per month if she worked a few hours only each night.

If it had to be that way, then be it so.

She had to live in the moment. She had to enjoy the few seconds of happiness before tragedies would take over. That was how life worked. How _reality_ worked.

Hooking her crimson hair behind her ears, Maki tried to remember familiar pieces she used to play a lot when she was younger. She tried to remember popular, well-known melodies she once knew in and out, by heart, but her mind seemed to be blank.

Pressing a note on the piano, her ears absorbed the sound that echoed through the spacious hall, but it did not add to her memory in the slightest – An irrelevant noise of unfamiliarity only.

Her pointer finger pressed yet another note soon after, causing another, more high-pitched, sound to echo through the room. It did not help either.

Nothing seemed to help her remember at least _something_ she used to play on the piano.

 _It could have been a song for children, for god's sake._

Clutching the fabric of her skirt firmly, Maki lowered her hands into her lap, leaving a trail of dust behind. She could have screamed in that moment, she could have _cried out loud_ in despair. Dust particles floated in the air around her. Glaring sun light from outside shone upon them, making once barely visible fragments overly viewable.

Her mind seemed to be numb, unaffected by any memories of her past; the past in which she had been _happy_.

Forcing back the tears that were about to leave the corner of her eyes, she decided to leave. It had been a mistake, a _big_ mistake to believe she could resort to former joys of life, thinking they would touch her soul the same way they had ages ago.

It was not meant to be. It had never been.

Stumbling out of the concert hall, the fresh air from outside felt stale to breath in, and Maki remembered _one_ thing as she quickened her pace through the crowded streets of Akihabara.

 _Tell someone to lock the door when you leave._

* * *

"Just tell me one thing." Nico spoke as she settled herself onto a barstool, "Am I such a huge threat to you and your two little puppies?"

Her opposite's brow twitched at the cynical statement, a hiss leaving her soft looking lips as the bar-keeper replied. "So Kotori told you." Her fingers worked their way up a container with rainbow colored straws, eyes set on the content of it as she sorted out a few specific colors.

Nico was surprised. The other woman knew what she was talking about immediately. Nevertheless, a chuckle formed its way upon Nico's face, knowing exactly how to hit a sore spot with the information she had. "Of course she did." She retorted sweetly, "I don't know what's going on between the two of you and it's honestly none of my business, but did you expect her to run to me right away? Pretty suspicious, if you ask me. Doesn't look like she's too fond of you anymore."

Nico knew, she was not playing a fair game, but if she wanted to participate in this game at all, she had to use the resources available.

Umi hissed as a response. Although she did not show it explicitly, Nico knew she _had_ hit said sore spot.

"What are you trying to do here, Yazawa? Tryna catch a fist?" Nico noticed a shadow hovering around her, just before the owner of such a daring and coarse voice took a seat on an empty bar stool next to her, slender hands placed onto the counter Umi was standing behind.

Nico stared at the crimson haired who had appeared so suddenly with disbelief, finding herself stunned for a few seconds. _What the hell was she doing here after what had happened the day before?_

Umi seemed to be of the same opinion, ignoring the black haired's presence and assumptions as she scolded Maki, who had crossed her svelte legs in an elegant manner, fully aware of Nico's gaze following each of her actions, a complacent smirk on her face as her amethyst eyes returned the gaze of Umi's.

"What the _hell_ are you even doing here?" The older woman asked scowling.

Maki propped her chin onto her palm, red colored lips curving into an insidious smile. Nico watched crimson strands fall loose onto her bare shoulders, shining in glaring red light from above, making them seem even redder than they already were. "I'm _fine_ , Umi." Maki stated coarsely, "I told you I don't need you to two to take care of me, I can do that myself."

 _She could do that herself. As if anyone would buy that._

Nico snorted, not only because of the statement of the crimson haired, but rather because of the ridiculousness of their situation. The three of them sitting together like in old times. As if nothing had ever changed.

"What's the deal with you?" The red haired asked annoyed, "Don't you have things to do? Things that don't involve going on my nerves."

"I was first here." Nico retorted dull, but her opposite was quick to snap back.

"You so _definitely_ weren't."

Nico knew Maki was not referring to their current situation. And she knew that she would be inferior in this argument as well. She had expected anything to happen, but she certainly had not expected Umi to defend her for once.

"You really aren't in the position to judge her when you shouldn't be here." The blue haired interjected, raising a perfectly shaped brow as her fingers smoothened the tie around her neck. "If Eli sees you here she'll chop your head off for sure."

"Like I care about Eli. Those decisions are not hers to make. Not when her bathroom is twice as big as my entire apartment."

Nico watched Umi's expression turn into a concerned one, the calmness in her features vanishing at Maki's words. Realizing in what kind of situation she was and realizing that this issue seemed to be none of her business, she stood up, her eyes darting the taller woman behind the counter nonetheless.

"I'm going to leave you two alone so Nishikino can pity her life in peace. But we aren't finished talking." She stated towards Umi, noticing the offended and, surprisingly curious stare the red haired gave her from the corner of her eye.

Umi waved with her hand before adding sarcastically, "Bye Yazawa. That letter wasn't directed towards you, thus I don't have to explain anything to you."

"We'll see about that. You all," she spoke slowly, alternating between looking at Umi and Maki, "talk about ' _not letting me get through with this_ ', yet you are the ones to pull shit behind other people's backs." She paused briefly before turning her back, walking towards the backstage compartment, "But what else to expect from a bunch of hypocrites."

Her voice had only been a whisper, and as much as she had wanted it to sound convinced, she could not help herself. It happened almost instantly – Sliding in from a complacent tone to shaky whispers. She had never known this side of herself and she had never known she could have been capable of feeling _compassionate_ for Nishikino Maki either.

Stumbling towards the dressing room opposed from the storage room for her equipment, her ears absorbed muffled whispers that seemed to be an argument from behind. She forced herself not to care about what both women had to discuss so eagerly after her clarification of the disgust she felt towards them. It did not matter. It wouldn't ever.

Closing the door behind her, she sighed heavily, walking towards a full-length mirror with its surface hidden underneath a cloth. Her small hands removed said item, revealing her own reflection. She had decided on wearing a simple piece today; a white lacy dress. But looking at herself in the mirror now, she felt like white had been the wrong choice of color.

White was pure. Pure and innocent. This place was nowhere pure or innocent. The people here were not pure or innocent. They had lost their innocence at young ages, and it probably did not have anything to do with sexual activities.

 _And it probably had been her fault._

Perhaps, Umi's accusation was only the right thing to do. For her. For the people around her. For everyone she had harmed with her actions. Perhaps, she deserved everything that would come along with the sentence of being found guilty. Having hurt the people one used to love came with a bitterness nothing ever could resemble in an adequate way. It came with guilt and regrets that would devour her one day for sure.

And sometimes, she wished for it to happen already.

What she didn't wish for to happen was a familiar blonde to storm into the room, but as proven several times before, her life had chosen to spell a curse onto her.

"Sorry, I'm late again, I know, I just don't–" Eli stopped speaking immediately, her hasty motions that had followed each of her actions turned into slow, careful ones. Her sapphire eyes narrowed at the black haired's sight, yet she did not say a word. And Nico knew she found herself in an iffy situation, because sooner or later, the blonde would lose her temper, no matter how hard she would convince herself of the opposite.

"Now if that isn't iconic." Her opposite finally decided to break the silence, voice delivering utter disdain. It sent shivers down Nico's spine, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to punch you in your face right now. But thanks to you, I should refrain from doing so if I want to keep my job."

"I didn't ask for you to humiliate me." Nico retorted sinister. Despite of her intentions, she couldn't help but talk back. There was no other way around, although she knew, she should avoid provoking the blonde.

Eli laughed bitterly, inspecting the black haired with a despising expression as she replied. "Your entire being asked for it. Don't be a fool, Yazawa. You can't face your problems if your problem is your face."

"And I can't face _my_ problems if my problem is both of your faces." Someone interrupted, stepping in soon after. The heated tension that hung in the air vanished at the sight of crimson curls that, once again on this day, interposed any conversation Nico had with her colleagues.

"What is it that you folks say?" Nico asked pretentiously, settling her gaze onto the red haired, "Mind your own business?"

"I would love to, but if you two don't get going, I'll have to undress right in front of you and," Maki paused, a smirk forming its way upon her face as her amethyst eyes stared at the black haired from the short distance, "I'm not sure if you are capable of that particular sight."

Nico hissed as a response, conscious of what the younger woman was implying. As soon as she wanted to respond just as sarcastically as her opposite, the red haired continued talking, this time, directed towards Eli who had stayed silent in the meanwhile. Nico noticed the discomforted vibe her frosty eyes gave off nevertheless, and judging from that, she knew exactly what the blonde was afraid of. What made her _tense_ just by watching their superficial argument.

 _She was afraid of Maki getting carried away._

And it made Nico wonder, _would she be afraid of such a possibility if she was sure of the red haired being able to resist_? Being able to resist _her_?

"Actually, _you_ can leave right away." Maki spoke furiously, "Don't you think just because you showed up at my place and acted all worried and shit, I'm compensated already."

Eli raised a brow in disbelief at the red haired's assertion. "I see. You would rather be together in a room with this brat," she pointed towards Nico as she spat her response, "than with me? Talk about having changed." She clutched the fabric of her coat, causing it to wrinkle underneath her harsh grip. Her vacant gaze wandered through the room, staring at Nico in fury, before setting itself onto Maki once again, "Fine. I'm gonna leave for _now_. Have fun getting it on." The cynicism in her coarse voice was almost unavoidable to register and Nico shrugged at the mere mentioning of any sexual interaction the blonde seemed to be implying.

As soon as Eli had left the room, Maki let the door click shut behind her before turning around, darting a glare towards the black haired remaining in the room. Nico did not know how to comment on their situation and she certainly did not know how to _think_ of the situation she found herself being in, but gladly, the red haired seemed to know _exactly_ what so say. "What were you and Umi talking about earlier? What could _possibly_ be so secretive that she wouldn't fucking tell me?" She asked frustrated, her voice was almost a yell as she spoke.

Despite of her legs trembling in nervousness, Nico managed to take a seat on a bench opposed from the mirror she had been standing in front of. She couldn't tell what was worse: Being _alone_ in a room with the red haired or being forced to inform her about everything she wanted to know, because, being honest with herself, if she didn't tell her, Maki would find ways to make her tell. _Ways she did not even want to think of._

"You know exactly what it was about, don't you?" She tried avoiding delivering a satisfying answer. Nico looked at Maki whose arms wee crossed in anticipation, "What makes you even think that she knows something you don't? You, out of _all_ the people, are the one to know most about me. And you are aware of that fact, aren't you?"

"I _used_ to know you. There's a difference." Maki replied, voice suspiciously low. She distanced herself from the door, taking a few steps towards Nico before taking a seat on an armchair opposed from her, her violet eyes staring _right_ into ruby ones as she continued speaking. "Did it ever occur to you that your actions had an effect on others? Did it ever occur to you that you _hurt_ people?"

Nico did not know whether the anguish hidden in the red haired's words was a purposely threaded factor or not. In spite of that, she could feel herself wince at the proximity, knowing full well that Maki only ever used proximity to her own advantage. _And she knew how to play her cards right._

"Why did you even care about me? Why couldn't you let someone else take me backstage?" Maki continued speaking, and asking, and blaming and it drove Nico _insane_.

All of it – _The vicinity, the intimacy, their conversation, her voice, her appearance._ She wanted nothing more than to escape, feeling trapped in a situation she couldn't seem to flee from.

"Why did you have to make it complicated again?"

Feeling a shiver run down her spine at the sudden accusation; so dolefully in its said way, Nico dared to lock eyes with Maki once again and she wondered – _Had her eyes contained this glistening glow from the beginning of their conversation? Had they always been this enormously gleaming?_

Nico noticed the other woman's lips quiver slightly. Her slender fingers were trembling as she settled them into her lap, unsure how to maintain a collected masquerade after having spoken those incriminating words.

She gathered her thoughts, forced herself to do the _right_ thing, forced herself to speak words that she knew deep within her heart, weren't true. So Umi must have told her nevertheless. And it was a shame. A shame that everything had to get complicated again.

"I don't care about you. If I did, I would have stayed there until I saw myself that you were safe. But I didn't. So stop obsessing over a matter that your mind seems to have made up." The hostile tone of her voice was overflowing, the distant and reserved way of telling a lie had always been Nico's best suit.

But every advantage had its drawbacks, and if one could tell a lie this easily, handling the truth was even harder as a result. Fully aware of the effect her words would have on Maki, she continued, "But if I am honest with myself," she paused briefly, "And honest with you, I _do_ want to talk things through. I do want to explain myself. I do want to give you less reason to hate me."

"Don't you think it's a little late for that? A little _too_ late?" Maki interposed cynically, the fragile glimpse of her personality Nico had witnessed just a few seconds ago having been replaced by the usual reserved one; the one that could _burn_ her sensitive skin so easily.

"Later's better than never." She replied monotonously, observing the constant shift in the red haired's confident manners with satisfaction, the hesitation that flickered in her eyes too pleasant to be ignored. Nico shifted her position, conscious of the sudden quietness of her opposite, who seemed to be overwhelmed by her offer, too stunned to even reply in such a situation. And it was a relief. A relief to know that even the most confident seeming woman could be insecure at times. Could be insecure because of _her_. Propping her chin onto the back of her hand, Nico leaned forward a little, only a few inches apart from Maki before thinking out loud.

"I'll pay for a night."

The red haired's eyes widened in astonishment, before the soft features of her face turned into an utterly wrath expression. "You wish." She spat, and Nico could feel her hot breath close to her lips, _too_ close.

The crimson haired stood up, making the lack of interest in a deepening of her offer clear, walking towards the wardrobe across from their position. Nico watched her slender fingers run through several pieces of clothing; red, long shaped finger nails tracing along different kind of fabrics. Heavy silence surrounded them – A silence to heavy not to be broken. "I don't have Japanese Yen to offer you yet," Nico spoke slowly, "but I don't think that matters. Money is money."

Maki turned around yet again, facing the other woman with a furious, outrageous even, expression as she clarified her statement. "I told you, I'm not–"

But Nico was quick to interrupt, aware of the effect her following words would have, "I'll pay ten thousand Dollars for _one_ night."


	4. Thin Broken Line

**A/N** : Oh my god, I have _so_ many music recommendations for this chapter. I'll try to reduce them to an amount that fits the length of this chapter.

Music rec: Billy Talent - Bloody Nails and Broken Hearts , Dillon - Texture Of My Blood & Billie Marten - In For The Kill (La Roux Cover)

* * *

Chapter Three

* * *

It never occurred to Nico that once spoken words were not as easily taken back as they had been said. And it never even occurred to her that once spoken words had an effect – An unspoken condition that followed its melodic promise.

And money – Money had always been a heavenly promise to make, heavenly in its imagination – devilish in its consequences. Human beings were guided by their instinctive greediness, because, being honest with oneself, what else could be more glorious than having privileges? Privileges were advantages in themselves, advantages that would automatically prove a person to be better than other people and it was, needless to say, the most fabulous form of apparent appreciation – A kind of appreciation that would end up meaning nothing if one relied on their surrounding's opinions of oneself.

Nico had known, and she was still aware of it, that her offer had been beyond immoral. She had known it well. Offering such a large amount of money was unfairness in its discourtesy. Being aware of the red haired's difficult situation, taking advantage of it –It was simply a cruel and enormously unjust way of getting what she wanted.

And the moment her lips had spoken those words, the moment she had managed to make the greatest offer of injustice and _superiority_ , she had already known that Maki would _never_ reject such an offer.

 _Never_.

And Nico did not dare to say it was her greediness that had caused her to agree. She had gotten to know the complicatedness of the red haired's situation, if just in the slightest. And yet, something deep within her told her she should not have made such a heavy promise in the first place.

It certainly wasn't the money that portrayed a problem in this issue. She had more than enough to pay Maki a decent amount. An amount of which the other woman could only _dream_ of.

But – Was taking advantage of her financial problems the right thing to do? Even if it promised her to get her way?

She could not tell. The moment she had met Maki's violet eyes, the moment she had noticed the hesitation flickering in them like fire, she had known she had done something horribly wrong. Had spoken horribly wrong words. Had thought horribly wrong thoughts.

And the moment Maki had agreed to it had been the moment to make her feel like the most disgusting person to exist in such a greed driven world. She herself had judged all those people thinking they could buy anything and yet, here she was, thinking she could buy her way through the difficulty of gaining trust back.

If she thought about it further – Was gaining the red haired's trust back really what she wanted? What she had been aiming for all along when she had decided on coming back?

She could not tell either. She could not tell anything anymore at this point. Her heart and her mind seemed to be conflicted in their oddly coherent way. She wanted to clarify misunderstandings, that was for sure. She wanted Maki to _listen_ for once.

Nico knew she had left without telling her. And Nico knew, too, that Maki had never forgiven her for leaving her behind. She was not sure if she would ever be able to do so. And yet, she found herself thinking of having done the right thing years ago; in a weird way. It had been for the better. For both of them. For everyone else.

As soon as Maki had accepted the black haired's offer, Nico had known it was too late to back out now. The red haired needed the money she had to offer and she seemed to be willing to do anything for it. And it caused a shiver down Nico's spine – Knowing how desperate the once so vividly shining person she used to know had become.

Maki had told her to wait backstage the following night as soon as her performance would be over and now that Nico found herself in said situation, the air felt stale to breathe in, as if such an essential thing could smother her just by filling her lungs with it.

Nico did not know how things were going between Maki and Eli, but judging from their argument the day before, and judging from the information that they had had another argument beforehand, she was quick to draw the conclusion that both women seemed to be quite estranged nowadays. She did not know what might have been the cause for it and she could not bring herself to care about it. It must have been the blonde's entirely different attitude she had witnessed several times since she had returned, the cold and square way of her communication _must_ be the cause for it. Yet another thing that had changed – Eli had never been the person to lose her temper easily. She had been elaborate and sincere, seeming reserved on the outside only. Deep within, Nico knew she had had a golden heart. _Had had_.

Then again, having known Maki for such a long time, her distinctive attitude probably did not add to a cozy friendship atmosphere either. In the slightest. But could she really pass judgement on Maki when she had been absent for such a long time? When she had been away, far away from her, _too_ far away, to even register something changing within her?

Regarding Umi, Nico did not have the chance to talk to her again. She would have to catch her in an unexpected moment. She needed to wait for the right opportunity to _make_ her talk.

In the meanwhile, she had other things to worry about, such as being about to become one of the greedy hypocrites loafing around the establishment, pockets full of money, minds emptied.

She was sitting on the exact same spot she had been sitting on during their conversation the day before. Her legs were quivering, her heart was pounding painfully. She thought her rib cage would explode any minute. Seconds seemed to pass by in an utterly slow circulation, as if the concept of time had been devoured by her own anxiety and apprehension that guided each of her thoughts and worries like an unspoken condition to the pledge she had made.

She could only imagine the fury she would greet when Umi and Eli would find out about their arrangement. They would kill her for sure. Umi had said it herself, if she dared to hurt Maki in any way possible, she herself would make sure the black haired would never set a foot into this town again.

Then again, would Maki tell her?

And more importantly, _hadn't she hurt her already? By caring nevertheless? No matter how hard she tried to work against that force?_

Her thinking process got interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Nico felt like she had been caught doing things she should not have done. Yet, it was a slow and careful manner, a silent sound that seemed to echo through her mind in a quiet and soothing way, an immensely strong contrast to the mistake she was about to make. Maki entered the room soon after and the cautious way of her taking each step did not go unnoticed. Nico inspected her appearance from the short distance, not daring to say a word as heavy silence captivated her senses.

The red haired took a few steps forward, floorboards creaking underneath her steps. Nico noticed the exhaustion her fragile bode gave off, an awfully hideous sight to take in. Hideous in its cruel way.

"You are not allowed to take anything with you besides the money." The red haired mentioned bluntly, "Those are the regulations. Leave your bag in the locker and follow me."

Nico shrugged at the harshness of her words, but she reminded herself of the fact that she herself held contempt in a strangely odd way. It was better if they kept if casual. After all, she did not pay for the sex. She paid _ten thousand_ Dollars for a _simple conversation_. But she doubted Maki was aware of that fact. She must think of this arrangement as any other arrangement her work required her to agree to.

Nico did not add anything to the red haired's gruff explanation, standing up and stuffing her bag into one of the lockers in the back of the room. As they walked along the hallway, they remained silent. Their steps led them to an elevator. Maki pressed the button, remaining mute as they waited for iron doors to slide open.

Nico had never seen this compartment of her new workplace, let alone entered the compartment upstairs. She had preferred to stay as far away as possible from those departments, but now, that she found herself standing there, it added to the factor of nervousness. _Intensely_. Maki's casual attitude did not help reduce the apprehension that settled in her stomach either. Nico was aware of the fact that this was nothing but routine to Maki. Something she knew in and out. Something she did everyday. Something she had gotten _used_ to.

As soon as the elevator brought them up, Nico's eyes absorbed the sight of a long hallway, several red painted door to each side, golden badges with printed numbers decorating each of them. The black haired faced the ceiling for a brief moment, noticing splendidly glamorous chandeliers shining from above, dipping the entire atmosphere in a prestigious ambience. The deep red carpet underneath her feet seemed to stretch throughout the entire hallway, making it seem like an enormously fashionable, _posh_ even, department to enter.

It felt odd. Entirely. Being encircled by such a fancy interior, knowing that the activities that happened around here were nowhere noble.

Nico followed Maki along the hallway, hands in the pockets of her cardigan to avoid the other woman noticing their tremble.

Eventually, the crimson haired stopped walking, pointing towards the door to her left side, refraining from adding anything to said gesture. Her slender fingers moved down towards the lacy, see-through stockings around her thighs, and it was in that moment that Nico noticed a little slot in them. She revealed a golden, just as fancy looking key, and Nico wondered how and why everything was so fancy-looking in here. It made her feel like she was about to witness beauty in an almost glorious way; as if she was about to witness something she would never forget in her _entire_ life. Perhaps, that was exactly the strategy of this business – They way how things worked here. Making the customer feel like he was about to enter the gates to paradise.

Maki opened the door, entering the room and awaiting Nico to follow her. The moment Nico entered the large suite, she felt nowhere wealthy anymore. She felt inferior and small and irrelevant.

The entire interior was simply breathtaking in its voluptuously charged way. Nico could _feel_ a certain tension without said tension having been created yet. Maki turned her back to the black haired in order to lock the door behind her, and the moment Nico's ears absorbed the sound of said action, she felt her heart drop to her knees.

The red haired sighed heavily, putting the key onto a mahogany shelf next to an unnecessarily large bed, remarkably enough, in Victorian design, before speaking up. "No kissing." She spoke assertively, "I don't kiss. _Ever_." She crossed her arms to clarify her statement, leaning with her back against the shelf she had put the keys onto, awaiting Nico to agree with her condition.

Nico nodded silently, registering Maki stepping out of her high heels, sorting them onto a rack as she continued talking. "I hope you have a bondage fetish though. I'd _love_ to have my eyes covered throughout." She turned around again, facing the black haired with a complacent smirk, "But if I remember correctly, you are not into being the dominant one."

The suddenness of such a self-confident assumption caused Nico's mouth to feel dry, but she forced a response out of her throat nevertheless. "I don't expect you to–"

But Maki was quick to shut her off, a dismissive gesture following her actions. "Yeah yeah. You are not the first person to indulge in my service. I know how to do my job." She assured snappily, as if Nico had been about to criticize her.

"What's with that face?" Maki commented on Nico's astonished expression, frowning. "You better aren't having second thoughts. You get what you want, I get what I want. Nothing more or less. And I sure as hell want your share in this."

Nico winced at the clearness of the red haired's statement, trying to remain calm as Maki sat herself onto the large bed in the centre of their suite, gesturing towards the spot next to her.

"I'm not here to–" Nico tried to explain again, but Maki raised a brow in anticipation. It made her legs tremble even more. Stumbling towards the spot next to Maki on the bed, she managed to somehow sit next to her, upper arms and hips pressed against each others. She did not know how to interpret the enormous heat that seemed to surround her in that very moment. It made her anxious, it made her nervous, and it made her afraid of what would _follow_.

But, as expected, Maki knew exactly how to continue from this point on, and it made Nico even more insecure. Even more aware of the fact that everything happening at this moment was _wrong_.

She took advantage. Nothing more or less. She took advantage of a woman in need.

 _Disgusting._

"I expect you want me to take the lead in this?" The red haired assumed and it sent a shiver down the smaller woman's spine – How she could talk so casually about this matter, as if she was talking about doing the dishes.

"No." She managed to say, locking eyes with Maki, "I don't."

Maki furrowed a brow in surprise, however she settled with the condition, "Fine. I don't care what it is that you desire. Your wish is my command at this point." She sighed, leaning back onto the sheets, crimson curls covering them consequently. Nico did not know what was worse: Her heavily pounding heart at that sight or the expectations the other woman seemed to have.

"That's not what I meant." Nico clarified, "At all."

Maki propped her elbows onto the sheets underneath her, tilting her body up a little. Nico swore she discovered a challenging glow in her violet eyes. "Can't even keep your promises _nowadays_?" She closed her eyes for a brief moment, "I can't believe I cancelled another appointment for _this_."

The bitterness of her voice had an almost patronizing sound within. Nico looked down onto her shaking hands, settled in her lap, as Maki continued her enraged assertions. "You really think you can mess with everyone, don't you? I am being as blunt as possible right now, so even _you_ can understand it. If I'm unable to pay for my rent in the next fourteen days, I will be homeless. Now that might be something you would love to see, and as much as I hate pitying myself in front of _you_ ," she averted her eyes, "I have no place to go to if that happens. So you can either back out _right now_ and never talk to me _ever_ again, or you can hurry the fuck up, so I can get this other with."

Nico remained silent for a few seconds, unsure how to reply to such a rugged ultimatum. When she found the right words, she hesitated with letting them leave her lips, deciding on taking the daring step of stating her honest opinion.

"How can you talk about yourself like this?" She asked blankly, finally looking up to lock eyes with Maki, "How can you talk about your _own_ body in this way? As if you're talking about a puppet?"

Maki narrowed her eyes at those questions. "How is that relevant to this matter?"

For the first time on this night, Nico knew exactly how to find a fitting reply. "I pay _more than enough_ money for you to answer my questions."

The red haired sighed, a brief moment of silence following before she managed to reply. "Don't you know yourself that most people enjoy nothing more than having their own puppet to play with? To hassle? To toy around with? Until they're _satisfied_?"

The black haired felt a shiver run down at the Maki's response, her words hanging in the air, heavier than any weight could measure. Nico did not know what she had expected. Maki to open up? That had never been an option from the beginning, she should have known.

"Mh, now you're speechless? Unusual." Maki interjected, shifting her position in order to lean forward a little, "Kinda stiff from all this _judgement_?" Nico knew well what she was trying to get her to do by teasing her so enormously embitter, and she was trying hard to convince herself of keeping her fortitude.

"It's no use then." Maki sighed yet again, standing up from the large bed. She looked over her shoulder onto the black haired, "Once a coward, always a coward, I guess."

She averted her eyes, making an attempt to reach for the keys on the shelf across from their position, but her last statement had hit home. Nico could feel the anger at her blunt statement rise inside of her in nanoseconds. It made her act almost in an instant, impulsively, standing up and grabbing the crimson haired by her wrist, darting a glare towards her eyes that reflected gratification – Gratification as in, she had _provoked_ her to such an extent that it had made her get her way. And Nico wondered – Had she really been the one to take advantage when Maki acted in just the same way she had?

"Sit back onto this _damn_ bed." She demanded imperatively, noticing a shift in the red haired's complacent expressions. Nico had _never_ known that her legs were capable of such a heavy tremble. She only came to said realization when Maki leaned forward to her, hot breath tickling her cheeks, as she whispered challenging, eyes glowing in apparent preeminence, " _Make me_."

And Nico had never been surer of a fact; she would make her so _definitely_.

Tightening the grip she had on the red haired's wrist, she used little force to push her fragile body back onto the sheets, crawling upon her only seconds after. The moment she locked eyes with amethysts underneath her, she had never felt more satisfied with the astonishment flickering in them than in that certain moment.

"Trapped." She commented masterfully as she held the crimson haired in place, "Bet you didn't think I could pull that off."

"And what did it feel like?" Maki asked suspiciously quiet, "Being in control of pulling the strings?"

And it was in that moment that Nico _realized_. Hesitantly, she let go of the crimson haired's wrist, lifting her body into a sitting position again, registering Maki's intent stare following each of her slow and cautious motions.

"Point proven." Nico spoke, lowering her voice at the sordid feeling that spread its wings inside of her.

"I know what I'm talking about, Nico. I have seen everything I needed to see in this world. I know the cruelties of human kind and I've witnessed them first hand. And honestly," she paused briefly, "It's not a big deal anymore. I don't care how people treat me anymore as long as the pay for the humiliation."

"How can you be this _desperate?_ " Nico asked in return, "How can you think so poorly of _yourself_?"

Maki winced at her words and it made Nico feel uncomfortable. Furthermore, she knew exactly she was digging in buried sorrows and thoughts, and despite the obvious insolence of her square questions, she wanted to know their answers so _badly_.

She wondered – Was such a behavior the first step of hurting someone? The first step of doing the same mistake twice? The first step of showing genuine interest? Of having high hopes?

"How couldn't I be?" Maki asked rhetorically, the bitterness of her raspy voice overflowing, "Money is power. Call me _filthy_ all you want, it won't change a thing."

"What's the deal with you clinging onto a meaningless word I said _years_ ago?" Nico raised her voice, clutching the fabric of the sheets underneath her and she swore, she met fury in Maki's lavender eyes.

"If it's that _meaningless_ ," the red haired emphasized, eyes narrowing, "then tell me what you think of me. Tell me. Tell me that you don't think of me as a filthy whore."

Her demand took Nico by surprise. She could not gather her thoughts right away. Her mind seemed to be blank the moment such a heavy command had left red colored lips and as soon as Maki noticed the speechlessness numbing the senses of her opposite, she continued speaking. "Thought so. I know you're good at lying. But when confronted with the truth, you don't dare to bite holes into it."

Maki sat herself up, leaning with her back against velvety pillows, and Nico knew it was only a movement of distancing herself from her, wanting to be as far away as possible from such a contradictory person that paid for her service, yet judged her for it.

"I don't think of it in _that_ way." The black haired forced a response out of her throat, but before she could finish her assertion, Maki interrupted her.

"Yeah. You're right." She said, "You wouldn't use such vulgar language. Because that is, surprise, yet another thing preserved for people like _me_. You wanna know what made me think of myself so poorly? You really wanna know?" She paused, knowing full well that she would get no response to her rhetorical question, averting her eyes only seconds after having spoken them. She seemed to be discontented with her sudden outrageous clarifications. Nico could feel the discomforted vibe she gave off just by looking at her from the short distance.

"Forget it. It's not like you care anyway." She whispered. Nico wondered if she had imagined Maki saying those words almost immediately, not being used to such a husky whisper in her voice.

"I told you, I set this up to explain myself." Nico spoke quietly, ignoring the other woman's enraged outburst in order to avoid an argument. It would end up causing too much damage, "So stop talking about yourself all the time and start shutting up."

Maki made an attempt to snap back at her words, but Nico was quick to shut her off, pressing her pointer finger against soft lips. "No talking. It's my turn." And to her surprise, she met no resistance.

"I know you don't want me to explain things. I know you want to live in a world where I'm the villain. And you want it to stay that way for eternity. You don't want to hear my side of the story because you are afraid of sympathizing with it. Of realizing that," she paused briefly, "I'm only human, too."

Nico waited a few seconds for her words to sink in before continuing just as hoarsely as she had begun, "And I know how horribly wrong things went. I know I've hurt Eli. I know I can never make her forgive me. I know it!"

She did not know how she ended up getting carried away with her narration, how she ended up raising her voice with each word, how she ended up feeling a tear run down her cheek, "I know I've hurt Umi. I know I've hurt Kotori, and worst of all," she paused yet again, suppressing a sob that was about to leave her mouth, wiping away the single tear that had left the corner of her ruby eye, "I know I've hurt you."

Maki tilted her head, crimson curls falling onto her shoulders, a confused expression on her face as she noticed her opposite shedding tears _right in front_ of her; something she had thought she would never witness again. But Nico was quick to recover from having revealed her emotions too well, wiping away the remaining of salty liquidness on her flushed cheeks, only slightly swollen rubies remembering of the little glimpse of fragility.

"I cannot take any more of this." Maki spoke sombre as her response to their situation, "You are wasting my time here. I could be somewhere else right now, earning money for tomorrow's dinner."

And it made Nico furious, _so furious_ , to listen to her unaffected attitude, causing the anger that seemed to devour her in that certain moment to increase.

"You want to fuck so desperately? Fine." Nico said after a moment of having steeled herself for what would follow. It made her uncomfortable; having cried in front of the red haired, having revealed the fragile side of her, feeling forced to prove her audacity due to her own foolishness.

She leaned forward, flat palms placed onto the bare thighs of her opposite, "Let's do it then. If you want me to take advantage of you so desperately, then be it so. I certainly won't complain having you kneel in front of me."

"We'll see about that." Maki retorted, pushing Nico with her back onto the sheets before crawling upon her, slowly and carefully, a fully paradox manner regarding the circumstances. "You're gonna complain to our boss about how I treated you unfairly? Gonna complain how I didn't play along? I would love to know what he thinks of his precious new live artist being so eager on fucking a co-worker." She spat her words, placing her finger tips onto the side of the black haired's neck. Nico shivered at the constant touch of scraping nails wandering down to her collar bones, each movement precise and _so_ experienced.

"You're simply poisonous. There's no other way around," Maki continued speaking, burying her head in the crook other woman's neck, teeth scraping against sensitive skin, just like long-shaped nails had done a few seconds ago, blowing a faint puff against the exposed skin, registering an instinctive flinch with ease. "But even the most poisonous venom isn't resistant against every remedy."

"F-fuck off." Nico stuttered uneasy as tender hands wandered towards the fabric of her cardigan, removing said item and tossing it carelessly onto the ground, "I-I didn't pay for _this_."

"You didn't? Tell me to stop then."

Nico could feel soft finger tips working their way under her shirt and each touch of them resembled the friction of electricity against her sensitive skin in an oddly _pleasant_ way. As much as she wanted to think of her situation as repulsive, her body seemed to be of another opinion. And Nico knew she would be on the verge of giving in if she remained mute in this regard. Maki would know how to _keep_ her silent.

There might be stronger forces working against her intentions at all times, but she had to remind herself of showing her capacity of willpower. She had to prove that there would never be a time when _Nishikino Maki_ would be able to make her give in.

"Stop touching me." She spoke huskily after gathering her thoughts, bringing up a hand to wrap it around the red haired's arm underneath her shirt, removing it from its spot before smoothing the wrinkled fabric soon after. Her skin felt hot and she bet her cheeks were just as hot in that certain moment.

"I told you I'm here to talk. And only to talk. Yet, you accuse me of wanting to sleep with you when I haven't even done anything to give you the impression of such an intention."

Maki raised a brow and the black haired did not know how to interpret the facial expression that met her – A mixture of rage and stun.

"You paid for _me_."

"No." Nico replied determined, "I paid for a _night_ with you."

"Where's the difference?" Her opposite interjected furiously, "People don't come here to chat about their lives! They don't come here to have a _talk_!"

Her voice had an enormously sharp and bitter connotation in each of her words, the raspy tone of it causing Nico to shiver. An acrimonious melody replaced Maki's initial self-confidence. Nico could feel herself flinch at the harshness of the red haired's words, the gruff and bold statements that left so soft looking lips; contradictory in itself.

"And what makes you think that I'm no different?"

"You've never been different." Maki spat coarsely, "You are just like the people you despise so contemptuously. You try to fix something that's been broken for years, thinking that _your_ patch won't leave cracks behind."

It felt like a slap in the face, being confronted with the _truth_. Being confronted with facts, uncovered, unconcealed, blunt.

"I was really making an effort here." Nico admitted contritely and suddenly, the sheets underneath her did not feel soft and comforting anymore. The air around her was thin and filled with unspoken accusations; toxic in their way of disdain. And it felt heavy. Heavy, knowing that she would always be walking on thin ice. "I didn't walk into this wanting a close combat."

"I didn't either." Maki responded monotonously, "But you know exactly, I've only agreed to this because of the money you offered me. Which is why I need to deliver. You are nothing else than a customer in this very moment."

Nico knew that their conversation seemed to go nowhere, aware of the fact that she should have known the devilish consequences of her spontaneous actions beforehand. She should have known that in a world like this, reciprocity was a natural matter; one would give and receive in return.

"You just don't get it." She spoke hostile, standing up from the large bed and gathering the cardigan Maki had tossed onto the floor, locking eyes with Maki who had remained in the same position on the exact same spot after. "You just don't get that people can change for the better just as easily as they can for the worse. And you don't want to accept the fact that I'm really trying here." She paused shortly, busy with putting her jacket back on, aware of violet eyes following each of her movements, "There are people I've hurt more than you. There are people that deserve this effort more than you do. Because I've made terrible decisions that caused their entire lives to fall apart."

"And mine didn't?" Maki interposed quickly, voice sharp and aggressive, "You think mine is still whole? Well, don't you be surprised if you see the scars and cracks in it."

"You're right." Nico confirmed brittle, "But not all of the reasons for it are my fault. Just like they aren't yours. And sometimes life isn't all fair. While some are born with gold growing in their backyards, others have to settle with copper." She paused, letting her words sink in, letting the air around them absorb the heaviness, "You can't deny the fact that I've hurt other people more than I've hurt you. And yet," she disrupted her speech in order to set her eyes onto Maki again, having noticed the intent stare of her amethyst eyes before already, "If I'm being honest with myself, I've only came back for you. And it has always been like that. There had always been this force towards you. It's magnetic in a way. And I have always failed to work against that force."

Maki did not add anything to her words. It left Nico to wonder what could have possibly made her slip into this tragedy of revealing so much of herself. Of letting her opposite know about the feelings she had suppressed to explain. Now that they had left her lips in such an awfully misplaced situation, it felt like a slip of the tongue.

It felt wrong on all levels of discourtesy, secrecy and conceit. Telling the truth would always be a slip of the tongue, would always leave a trail of anguish behind, no matter how simple and blunt it seemed.

"There's a check inside of your locker in the changing room." Nico added, feeling drained and frazzled, "Do whatever you want with the money. But honestly," she turned her back to the red haired, taking a few steps towards the still locked door, "it might be a thrill in the first days, but money doesn't promise you happiness. I know what I am talking about."

She gestured towards the door, eyes asking a question Maki was quick to detect. Her well-shaped silhouette seemed to hover around the room, a flimsy image to Nico's vision. The conversation between them had left her to feel dizzy and nauseous. Her eyes wandered towards slender fingers that had moved closer to her, feeling the warmth of the red haired's body ultimately next to her as a result.

As soon as Maki had unlocked the door, she remained standing next to the black haired, awaiting a reaction, it seemed. Nico turned around to meet flickering amethyst before speaking, "Aren't you coming downstairs?"

Maki shook her head in an instant. Nico had noticed her sudden quietness, it had been almost unavoidable to notice how the usually snappy and defiant attitude of hers had shifted into this discomforting vibe of unusualness.

"I'm not your lap dog to follow you around." Maki stated her blunt response, "I still have other things to do."

The moment her words had left her lips, Nico knew _exactly_ what kind of things she was referring to. It made her cringe, if only internally.

She entered the hallway, golden lights greeting her ruby eyes, the door of the room behind her closing. There was nothing left to say anymore. Everything had been said. Everything had been stated. And yet, nothing had been told.

Nico could hear awfully hideous noises from the inside of the suite she had been in just a few seconds ago and she swore, it sounded like the noise of someone slamming against something. She was quick to collect her facade again, reminding herself of having to keep up a casual attitude if she wanted to avoid unpleasant encounters after such a disastrous one.

Her pace was quick as she walked along the hallway, ending up in front of the iron doors of the elevator that had brought her up to this department in the first place.

The moment the doors in front of her slid open, flat palms placed onto her shoulders, pushing her in an almost instant movement, causing her back to meet the surface of the wall behind her. It was an enormously painful clash that resulted in an utterly rough ache to settle throughout her entire body, leaving a constant touch of pounding behind. Before she could complain, before she could _yell_ at her opposite, flat palms got placed yet again onto her shoulders and they did not feel soft or tender or warm. Their movements were rough and had a harsh grip on her and almost instantly, Nico knew what must have happened.

"Is it true?" Her opposite yelled at her in fury. The other woman's face was only an inch away from hers, blonde strands rippling due to the hasty motions. The grip around her shoulders tightened, flat palms wandering downwards to peg onto the sides of her arms, pressing aggressively against her flesh.

"I think you need to be more specific." Nico dared to reply. Her opposite was quick to react to her assertion, letting go of her immediately, pulling a piece of paper out of the pocket of her suit jacket.

"You better have a fucking _good_ explanation for this." Eli snapped and without even looking, Nico knew what her slender fingers were holding onto.

And she could have hit herself for making such a huge mistake. For having been so naive.

 _How did one explain handing a check worth of ten thousand Dollars? How did one explain such a thing? And more importantly, how did one clarify that sex had not been involved in this arrangement? Had not been part of her intentions? Despite the obviousness?_

"Where did you get this from?" She asked instead, avoiding the blonde's question on purpose.

"If you're implying that I schemed my way through getting this, then I suggest you better prepare for a broken nose." The taller woman exclaimed sharply. "The fact that you can't even put your secretive arrangement letters into the right locker leaves me to wonder how such a shallow person had even been able to make it this far in life."

"You can't just keep on threatening me, thinking I won't bite." Nico retorted cynically, the proximity to the blonde making her feel uncomfortable nevertheless, especially since, with the wall in her back, she did not have any possibilities of fleeing if the situation would get out of control. Which would eventually happen, knowing the blonde. Knowing that she had been quite discontented for days, knowing that she held contempt in a way nobody could be capable of.

"Sure I can. Especially if you take advantage of one my _friends_. I can't even look at you. You're _disgusting_ , Yazawa." She paused briefly, but Nico had noticed her voice having lowered in spite of that. "Say, did you force her into this? Of course you did." She answered her own question almost immediately, lifting a hand in an attempt of grabbing the smaller woman by her collar. However, she let it slide down seconds after. Nico knew she must have remembered the bad position she was in, being on the verge of loosing her job if she would lose her temper yet again.

But she knew exactly how to leave the blonde bewildered. "I didn't. She took the offer in the blink of an eye." She admitted bluntly, "Feel free to ask her yourself, she's in there." She pointed towards the door of the room she had just left, leaning forward a little. "But I'm not sure if she'll appreciate you in there. And honestly, I am not sure if she'll appreciate you spreading the word about this matter either. You know she's fragile. So _I_ suggest you better keep your mouth shut, put the check into her locker and let it slide."

For once, Nico felt in control of the situation, felt superior in an argument with _Ayase Eli_. Each word of hers left her lips in slowly, wanting each letter to have an _effect_ on the other woman.

And to her surprise, the blonde remained silent, gritting her teeth as her eyes shut for a brief moment, realizing the complicatedness of the situation.

"I knew you only came back to make things worse. Because wherever you go, you cause damage. Everything you touch turns to dust." She spoke, trying to remain as calm as possible. "And as a consequence, she'll do so, too. Now that your filthy fingers have touched her." Eli pointed towards the door behind them, "Watch her fall apart in only a few months. Enjoy the show of the mess your selfishness has created. Once again."

Having spoken those words, she averted her eyes, taking a few steps back to distance herself from the black haired. Her frosty eyes darted the smaller woman's appearance for a few seconds before walking away along the hallway opposed from the elevator, passing by the door of said room in which Maki was still in, darkness swallowing her silhouette soon after.

Nico remained in her position, feeling the cold wall against her back, letting out a ragged breath. She did not know if she could rely on Eli keeping this matter to herself, but if she thought about if further, the blonde had no other choice.

Maki was still beyond furious at her and although Nico did not know the reasons for the distance that seemed to continuously grow between them, she could draw the conclusion that Eli would not dare to hurt her in this state. She would not dare to make it even more complicated, to let the distance grow even faster.

It was a relief and a burden at the same time, and to be frank with herself, Nico did not know how to continue from this point on. There were still matters to discuss with Umi, but would the dark haired woman ever settle with having an actual conversation with her?

She had witnessed just right now how well a conversation with a former friend had gone.

Then again, it was Maki.

And despite of having hurt many people in her younger years, despite of having hurt other people even more – She knew deep within, when it came to Maki, it was different. There were different angles and perspectives to examine when it came to her.

She knew she had been playing with fire, with lambent flames that flickered in the shadows, waiting to spread like a wildfire. And said flames had turned into a forest fire.

And she could only pray for it not to burn her.


	5. Sacred Fire

**A/N** : I am sorry it has been quite some time. I have been awfully busy these days and I barely had any time to write. I hope you don't mind.

* * *

Chapter Four

* * *

It had been _days_ since Nico had talked to _anyone_ at her work place. Eli had avoided her on purpose. She had noticed it – Discovered it in the hostile gaze that had coated her usually sparkling blue eyes.

Umi had avoided her. And Nico could conclude that it must be on purpose, too. She did not want to talk about that letter Kotori had shown to her and deep within, the black haired knew that she would never get an explanation from the taller woman. At least not a proper and sarcastic-free one.

And Maki. Well. Maki hadn't been around ever since _that_ day.

And Nico could not tell whether to think of it as a good or a bad thing. She had been conflicted ever since, insanely insecure and so absurdly unsure how to continue at this point. But as always, she feigned a certain distancing towards her surroundings, knowing full well that it was the only way to get by.

However, her guts told a different story. And the absence of Maki seemed overly odd.

 _Too odd_ , if she was being honest.

Then again, her money must have been enough of an excuse for the red haired to take a few days off. After all, it has only been five days of her being absent. Nico reminded herself of not being the one to question the other woman's decisions. It was none of her business nevertheless.

And yet, the acrimony of bittersweet and tangled feelings devoured her whole, made her wonder _why_ she cared in the first place. Reflecting on what had happened, everything was a mess. Nico had nobody to rely on, nobody to talk to, nobody to listen to what she wanted to _say_ \- What was sitting on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be _spilled_ like ink.

And it wasn't until today, that Nico dared to exchange a few words with the blonde again, deciding on standing up for herself. Standing up for herself, and being bold, and having the guts to bite back. For once at least.

"Where is she?" She asked as soon as she discovered remarkably blonde strands on that evening, narrowing her ruby eyes as she noticed her opposite wince at her words. Nico took advantage of the other woman's astonishment her sudden approaching had caused, inspecting her appearance with a quick glance. She had a blue tie hanging around her neck, not even tied up properly, matching the sloppily buttoned shirt underneath. Her lips twitched in displeasure, opening slowly to think out loud,

"We're running on low on interest today, mind to back off?" The blonde replied dull before adding, "There's an hour left until the room's gonna be filled with customers, you really think I have the time to chat with you right now?"

Nico could not tell whether it was the exhaustion or the contempt talking, though the other woman's shift hadn't even begun. She figured it would most likely be a mixture of both.

"Answer my question." Nico demanded, feeling herself shiver at the bluntness of her own words. Though she knew, Eli Ayase was not the best person to pick when it came to messing around with.

"Are you fucking deaf? I won't repeat myself so I suggest you record our conversations the next time."

"Fine. If you won't tell me, Umi will. I just need to mention _one_ name to make her walls crumble."

Eli's eyes narrowed at the other woman's remark and Nico knew immediately, she would win this argument. Eli might not be a person to mess around with, but when it came to Sonoda Umi, the blonde would cross oceans to make sure she was alright. And Nico was aware of their strong friendship, just like she was aware of how easily one could take advantage of their connection. Her opposite's words were slow, yet careful, as they left her lips to respond, fingers fumbling with the collar of her button down shirt,

"You should be glad that Maki isn't around. She would have sliced you into pieces if she had been. She wasn't in the best mood when I had confronted her."

"So you did mention the topic? Even though I _clearly_ told you not to do so." Nico remarked bitterly, frowning as she realized. She should have known that a simple threat wouldn't be enough to prevent the stubborn Ayase Eli from spilling. Nevertheless, she wondered about the blonde's audacity – Being daring enough to confront the red haired with such a matter when they clearly weren't in a good position to chat about immoral offers and agreements. And still, Eli was quick to snap back, propping her elbow onto the bar's counter,

"I'm certainly not the one to listen to your orders. I don't know where she is. She was more than just _angry_ when I had asked her about your arrangement. I haven't seen her ever since that night."

Nico was surprised about the honesty of the blonde's words – Of course, she couldn't know whether they were just as honest as they sounded or not, but Eli had always been bad at lying. Compared to Nico, she was just cut from a different cloth. Then again, compared to the black haired, everyone seemed to be cut from a different cloth.

And without actually realizing, Nico admitted to herself, that she had decided on acting as reckless as she could possibly be.

"You might not know where she is right now, but you surely know where she lives nowadays, don't you?"

Furrowing a brow in suspicion, Eli made sure to put emphasis on each of her syllables as she replied,

"I know your words are just as empty as the content of your brain. And I know that you wouldn't even dare to talk to Umi disrespectfully since she has _proof_ ," She paused briefly, "and the evidence she has should be enough to put you in your place, shouldn't it?"

"You're wrong," Nico responded certain, "Kotori has it. After all, Umi is just too stupid to gather all of her belongings before moving out."

Eli's eyes widened in surprise at the black haired's words,

"How did you-" She wanted to ask, but she got interrupted by someone approaching the two women in their argument, a sharp and hostile sounding voice interjecting,

"Am I?"

Nico set her eyes onto the fierce looking woman approaching them, each of her steps confident and striking, each of the letters leaving her lips filling the air with electricity as she stopped in front of Nico, amber eyes flickering.

"Am I?" She repeated and despite her assertive way of speaking her words, Nico noticed her lips quiver. And she knew, as much as Umi wanted to conceal her insecurity, she failed miserably.

"It seems." Nico spoke slowly, taking a few steps back, "And if you won't tell me where Maki's at, I know who will."

She forced herself to avert her gaze from the two women, walking towards the wardrobe next to the exit and taking her coat from the hooker. She wanted her words to have an effect, to sink in, to make them wonder how she could act so impossibly out of line. She looked back one last time as she put on her coat, briefly glancing to Umi and Eli who were too bewildered to even say a word.

* * *

As soon as Nico found herself on the main street, chilly air greeting her sensitive skin and making her shiver instantly, her fingers worked their way down her coat's pocket, grabbing her cell phone tightly in her hand. She quickly dialled a number, waiting for her call to be accepted. The moment Kotori's soothing voice became clear to absorb, Nico did not bother to maintain small talk.

"I need you to tell me something." She spoke slowly, "Do you know where Maki lives nowadays? It's," she hesitated shortly, "urgent."

"I haven't talked to Maki in ages." Kotori admitted and it made Nico lose any sparkle of hope almost immediately. And more importantly – It made her realize how much she seemed to care.

 _When she had wanted to detach herself so bad._

However, to her surprise, Kotori added,

"I don't know if she still lives at the same place she used to live a year ago. But if that's the case-"

"It doesn't matter! Give me the address!" Nico interrupted the brown haired impatiently and Kotori did as she had been told, if only in surprise regarding the black haired's compulsion. When Nico had ended the call, thanking Kotori properly, she was quick to head straight towards the car she had driven to work with – The only one that had been transferred overseas so far. Then again, who cared about having an insanely and unnecessarily high amount of different cars? The only reason for buying them in the first place had been boredom. Nico hated to admit it, but that was the only explanation for having wasted her money in the past. Nowadays, she found herself thinking of abundant money as pointless. But one only came to said realization when they had experienced living in abundance.

When Nico had reached her destination it was past the opening hour of her work place already. She reminded herself of being as quick as possible, of rushing back to work as fast as possible as soon as she would be other with whatever it was that had caused her to come all this way. She would find a credible excuse for being late anyway.

Thinking about it, she did not know _why_ she was here in the first place. She was certain of the fact, the reason for caring nevertheless could not be explained – It wasn't her tangled emotions and feelings. A magnetic force would always find a way to break through a barrier;

Those were the simple laws of Physics.

Nico entered the apartment building soon after. She did not want to say so, but if she was honest, the entire atmosphere was hideous to look at – As if everything around her was about to _decay_. The color of the walls to each of her sides seemed to splinter, carelessly painted in a brutally ugly shade of grey, making her feel as if she was walking through a monochrome picture. The inside of the building had several name plates attached on mailboxes; the black haired quickly glanced at each of those, searching for the red haired's last name. And she found it eventually. So she did live here.

 _And it made her shiver._

But when she had ended up on the right floor in front of the right door, facing the name plate to it, she hesitated. How would she explain showing up here? After what had happened?

Worrying about said matter turned out to be needless. There was nobody to open up, even after the fourth time of ringing the bell. Nico did not know _why_ she knew exactly where to look next, but she did. She decided on heading upstairs, floor over floor, just to end up on the roof top of the apartment building. And just like she didn't know why she knew exactly where to look, she didn't know why she had been spot-on with her assumption. Her ruby eyes took in the sight of scarlet curls waving in chilly spring evening air, a graceful figure sitting on the edge of the roof top, gaze set onto the scenery in front of her. Nico figured, because of it being dark already, the red haired probably hadn't noticed her standing on the stair access so far.

To her surprise, her conjecture was proven to be completely wrong, the raspy tone of a well-known voice breaking through the tranquillity from the distance, "I know you're here."

Despite of talking to the black haired, she did not face her, keeping her gaze set onto the spot in front of her, watching the clouds part on the darkish night sky.

And just like a magnetic force, Nico took her words as an offer to take a few steps forward before throwing her hesitation over board, sitting down on a spot next to the red haired; quite a distance between them. And yet, her lips felt dry, too dry to even say a single word - Instead, she focused on the sight in front of her just like Maki; watching the stars getting covered by grey clouds only to be revealed underneath again minutes after.

And for once, it was a comfortable silence. A silence one wanted to be surrounded with, a feeling of warmth and security that spread through one's veins at an insanely high speed, settling soon after.

And Nico wondered how long it had been for the both of them to sit like this together, as if years of absence had never been between them. As if nothing had changed; everything had stayed the same, everything had been consistent and at its right place.

But it took only a few minutes of tranquillity for Nico to realize that said changing process _had_ happened, that _nothing_ had stayed the same, that nothing would ever _be_ the same. And as soon as said tranquillity got broken again, said realization seemed to arise.

"I don't even want to know how you got here. I'm not surprised Eli told you." Maki spoke quietly, still not looking at the black haired. Nico admitted that the way her amethyst eyes contained this sparkling glow within in them made her want to get carried away so _bad_.

"She didn't." She managed to reply despite the dizziness that arose inside of her.

Meeting astonishment in glowing violet eyes, the black haired noticed Maki finally caring to face her and Nico noticed only now how _different_ the usually so soft features of her face looked. Must have looked all the time.

"She didn't?" Maki repeated questioning in surprise before averting her eyes again, "It doesn't matter," she stated coarsely, "One way or another, you got here. Tell me what it is that you want to say."

"I don't have anything to say," Nico admitted, "I don't know why I am here."

Her words caused the red haired to turn her head towards her direction yet again, eyes reflecting wonderment, and before she would get interrupted, Nico added, "You tell me."

"If you're here because of that complication with Eli," Maki replied, "I didn't take the money. I didn't take _your_ money."

Nico had expected a lot of things to leave the red haired's soft looking lips, but she certainly had not expected _those_ words to be spoken. And her eyes must have asked a question already, leaving Maki to continue talking, a sigh escaping her lips,

"I cannot take your money without having provided any service. First of all, that is strictly against the regulations," she paused shortly, "And secondly, I cannot do such a thing. It feels wrong. I don't want to take your money just to be in your debt at all times. I might be desperate at this point, but I am not naive."

"And where's the money now?"

Maki clicked her tongue before narrowing her eyes in disbelief, "I should have known that would be the only thing for you to care about. Right now, it's probably at the garbage dump. Waiting to be pressed into a tiny piece of meaninglessness."

"And how are you going to pay for your apartment now?" Nico asked in return, and it was strange – Talking to each other as if the wall between them could be crossed so easily.

"I don't know actually," Maki said quietly, _too_ quietly, taking her time to continue, "I'll see about that. I would ask Umi if I could stay at her place, but her apartment isn't big enough for two people."

"What's with your parents?" Nico inquired, meeting a stare of the red haired woman that seemed to paralyze her just by returning it. She regretted having asked about that concern immediately. After all, she was only looking after her.

Wait.

 _Was she looking after her?_

"I would rather die than crawl back to my parents," Maki spoke, an extent of contempt in her voice heavier than she had ever clarified it towards Nico, "they are the cause for this misery in the first place. I know you think I've lost it. I know you think I'm insane - Accusing my own parents of pushing me into my wretchedness. But I didn't make my bed to lie in. This isn't my fault."

Nico could feel each of her nerves twitch in disbelief, each of her rapid heart beats increasing their steadiness, wondering how such honest words left the redhead's mouth when she was talking to _her_. Despite all of the contempt she held – Had held? –, despising her parents seemed to be bigger of an issue to her. And it made Nico wonder even more; if she accused them of being the fault for her miserable situation, how could she have been held accountable for it all those years?

"So it has never been _my_ fault," She asked, demanding clarification.

"I should have known that, once again, all you care about is yourself." Maki replied, a bitter laugh following, "You aren't. If that makes you feel better, you aren't and you have never been."

"It doesn't make me feel anywhere better."

"Good. Because, while you aren't the cause for it, you surely are the reason for making me _feel_ miserable about it in the first place." Her fingers wandered towards the hem of her skirt, clenching its fabric firmly, "For making me feel _worthless_ when you knew exactly why I had done the things I've done. You knew in what situation I had found myself in when I was seventeen. And you knew why I needed the money. And you didn't even care to _understand_ what it felt like to be in my place."

Nico knew their conversation would go nowhere, ending up exactly the way it had ended up on _that_ night, and because of that, she made sure to change the subject decisively,

"If you didn't take the money, then why aren't you showing up at work?"

"Because I am _sick_ of it!" Maki yelled as a response, the echo of her words lingering in the chilly air, as if absorbed by the darkness of a starry night sky above. Nico could feel a shiver run down her spine at the other woman's words; so assertively spoken in their way. And Maki continued her furious speech, looking flush into ruby eyes as she did so,

"I am sick of doing the same shit everyday, of barely getting by, of having others take advantage of me just so I can pay for continuing a crappy life! I am sick of being nothing more than a toy in the hands of others when I had wanted to be so much _more_!"

She stood up in an instant, causing Nico to flinch instinctively; her svelte legs trembling as moon light shone upon her silhouette.

"You think it's funny for me to hate you?" She asked rhetorically and Nico looked up to her in awe, hating how fragile her opposite seemed despite her uproarious behavior - _how fragile she must have been all the time_ -, "You don't know anything about the things that happened after you had left. Because once you had spoken those words back then, once you had made me feel so miserable, I had come to the conclusion that I really must be as filthy as you had said. And it made me act so damn needy – I didn't even really realize what I was doing."

"What did you do?" Nico dared to interrupt, locking eyes with the other woman.

"If you wanted to hear that story, you would have to grab a seat."

"I'll listen." The black haired pledged truthfully, and she swore, she met a glimpse of surprise in the red haired's amethyst eyes, knowing full well that the other woman had not expected her to _stay_.

 _How could she have when she had left once already?_

"I don't feel like talking anymore," Maki said suddenly, voice suspiciously low after such an outburst, "Don't you need to work tonight?" She continued impatiently after a quick glance to the watch around her thin wrist.

Nico shook her head almost instantly; contradictory in itself. She had to. But she did not want to.

"Those people won't even notice when there's no music to underline the lack of excitement in their sex lives. More importantly," She paused shortly, setting her eyes onto violet ones again, "What are you going to do now?"

Nico knew, her constant questions must be an enormous bother to the scarlet haired, but she knew too, that it was the only way of making her talk. If only out of anger.

"Why do you even care?" Maki asked in return, crossing her arms defensively, "I'll find a way to get through this. I've always did before."

"You only have roughly ten days left." The black haired stated blunt; it wasn't a fair play, but it was the only way of being part of such a game at all. She needed to make the red haired's walls crumble in order to seek behind their facade.

"I _know_ that," Maki responded sharply, but Nico could have sworn there was a hidden glimpse of despair in her voice, just like in her violet orbs, "That's none of your business anyway, so get going. And _don't_ come here again."

Despite the redhead's command, Nico did not move a single centimetre from the spot she was sitting on, still on the edge of the roof top, being aware of the inferior position she had in that certain moment.

"I'm not going anywhere," she spoke determined, "you said I made you do things you normally wouldn't have done. So it certainly isn't _none of my business_."

"Then how are you going to solve this?" Maki asked challenging, "Are you going to buy a mansion for me? _Yazawa Nico, the splendidly generous idol, helping those in need_ – That would be just the perfect headline for the next issues of all gossip magazines, wouldn't it be?"

"I wasn't thinking of an entirely new mansion for you, my own should be just fine."

"You aren't seriously offering me to live at your place."

"I am. I'm barely at home anyway. Plus, there are so many empty rooms available, you can pick the one farthest away from mine."

"I'm not going to do that." Maki responded hesitantly, loosening her strictly crossed arms before letting them slide down to each side; the shift in her emotions crystal clear.

"Why not?" The smaller woman asked, "It's going to save your ass. You won't need to contribute to paying the rent. You would have your own room with your own bed. You can eat at my place. Doesn't sound too bad to me."

"How do I know I won't die of food poisoning?" The red haired asked cynically, yet, in spite of the tone of her voice, Nico could have sworn the other woman's lips curved into a faint chuckle.

"I'm excellent at cooking, if that's what you're worrying about," she responded, "it's honestly the best option for your own good." Nico did not know how she could say such things, how she could offer such a huge promise, when she _knew_ that Umi and Eli would make sure to let her pay for it. _For helping out_.

Because, admitting to herself, she had never been resistant against Nishikino Maki and she doubted that she would ever be. All of her pretending, all of her desperate tries of erasing a past that has been etched into her memory had been a pointless effort; a waste of stamina and energy in all perspectives.

"You really shouldn't tell Umi or Eli about it though." She added, making sure to put emphasize onto both of the other women's names to clarify the urgency of keeping their conversations hidden in the shadows. She stood up to be at eye level with the red haired, "Think about it." She burrowed her hand into her coat's pocket, reaching for her wallet in order to grab one of the business cards her manager had printed for her as soon as she had moved into her new house – Their plain cause being the application to other agencies; something that Nico had not wanted to do in the first place. But she had not informed her former agency about that matter, letting them think that she was still eagerly looking for a new contract now that she had her residency overseas - Back to the roots.

She handed said item to Maki, wrapping her own hands around the scarlet haired's as she did so, her own warmth enveloping the coldness of the other woman's insanely thin fingers.

"My address is written on there."

Those words spoken, Nico made sure not to look back when she left the roof top. She simply continued setting her gaze onto a blank space in front of her, taking two steps at a time as she walked downstairs, leaving the apartment building in a hurry.

* * *

"What exactly is it that we need to worry about?" Eli asked discontented, the noisiness surrounding her and her conversation partner as they talked to each other during a short and extremely rare moment of having a break, if only for a few minutes.

Umi raised a brow in disbelief, fingers wrapped around a champagne glass in order to fill its empty container with an enormously expansive alcoholic beverage, "Who knows what she has told Maki by now?" She exclaimed frowning and despite the loud tone her voice had within, nobody around them seemed to notice. It was way too crowded for the dark haired woman's exclamation to even be registered.

"Do you think she asked Kotori? And do you think Kotori has told her where she lives?" Eli mentioned, trying to sound as relaxed as possible as she watched the other woman's fingers clench around the neck of a bottle she had grabbed, the mentioning of the brown haired woman making her tense.

"I'm sorry," the blonde added concerned as she noticed.

"It's fine," Umi gritted her teeth before her amber eyes watched light red liquid change its location, being poured into the glass her other hand was holding, "I am almost certain of that fact. Kotori and Nico have always been close. And I am just as certain that Kotori has forgiven her. She has a pure heart. _Too_ pure, if you ask me."

Eli nodded slightly, registering the harshness of the younger woman's words with displeasure. Noticing a customer waving with his hand for her attention, she sighed annoyed before saying, "I'll be back in a second. Just how much alcohol can one single person even take in before their body shuts off? That man has had like six drinks already tonight."

"Serve him water then? As if he's gonna notice in that state." Umi answered dull, handing a glass of water to the blonde to underline her statement, "There you go. Actually," She paused, glancing towards a clock on the wall opposed, " _I'll_ be back in a second. Can you take care of my place behind the bar for a moment?"

"Me?" The blonde asked surprised, "How am I gonna manage serving drinks at the tables _and_ at the bar? I don't have five hands, Umi."

"Fine," The dark haired complied, letting her gaze roam through the crowd before discovering another waitress and gesturing her to come closer, "You need to be the bar keeper for a few minutes. Can you do that?" She asked the other woman, a pleading tone in her voice. As soon as the other waitress had agreed to it, Umi made sure to wipe the dust off her tie and suit jacket before rushing into the backstage compartment, not noticing the curious stare of narrowed sapphire eyes that followed her movements.

"Pretty suspicious, if you ask me." Eli mentioned towards her co-worker, "Mind to take care of my job too? I'll be quick."

"How am I going-" The other woman interrupted desperately, but Eli did not care to listen to her complaints, following Umi almost instantly. Her steps were slow and careful - She did not want the other woman to notice. There must be something secretive she had kept hidden, not wanting anyone to know about. But Eli had never been the person to settle with vague explanations. If someone wasn't honest with her, she would make sure to find out the truth herself.

Umi walked towards the back exit of the establishment, glancing to each side of hers before opening its door carefully, lowering her voice as she apparently talked to someone Eli couldn't spot from her position on. She dared to take a few steps closer, carefully seeking from behind a corner. The words that left Umi's lips were quiet, but Eli could understand bits and pieces nonetheless.

"You said you'd hand it to me. I need it."

"I'm sorry, Umi. I can't do that. It wouldn't be fair to any of you. I don't want anyone to be harmed." Eli froze. She would always be able to recognize such a gentle voice, even after such a long time of not having heard it.

"How can you be so blind!" Umi's voice rose, an aggressive tone within its coarseness, "There are people who have been harmed already!"

"It has been _years_ ever since, Umi," Her opposite responded calmly, "You need to _let it go_. It was an accident. And it has always been one."

"I don't care whether it was one or not! It happened! And she needs to be held responsible for it! Just like she had been years ago!"

"I am sorry, Umi. I am not going to give it to you. I think it's best for everyone involved if it stays at my place. You all seem to be blinded by your greed of revenge."

"You don't _understand_ , Kotori. Imagine if it had been you – Imagine if-" _Kotori._ Since when did they talk to each other again? Was this an exception? Because Umi wanted something from her that she obviously couldn't get herself? And what was it that she desired?

Eli's head was spinning, too many questions were floating in her mind, spilling like an overflowing sink. She forced herself to remain focused, to listen attentively and intently.

"Even if it had been me," Kotori spoke quietly, and it was in that moment that Eli finally discovered a glimpse of brown strands from behind the steel door of the back exit, "I don't understand how you can be concerned about that. There is no 'us' left, thus, even if it had been me, there would have been no reason for you to mourn for me."

A silence followed her words, only to be broken by the brown haired yet again, "If that's all you wanted to talk about, I would like to go now. I can't stand standing in the doorway of the back exit. It reminds me of things I would like to finally forget."

"I don't recognize you anymore." Umi replied, her voice only a faint whisper. Eli wondered if she had only imagined her saying those words.

"I am not sure if I have ever known who you are in the first place," Kotori spoke slowly, yet accusing, and Eli wondered how she could maintain her calmness so casually, as if she wasn't affected by the dark haired's words _at_ _all_ , "I need to move on, Umi. And I can't move on if you keep popping back into my life. I can't let go if you keep holding on. I am not responsible for destroying this relationship. You are. And you _only_. And it is selfish of you to keep pushing me into a corner when you know that _I_ am the one who _deserves_ to finally get over you."

Eli was not able to understand anything further, only the sound of the door clicking shut made it clear that Kotori must have left.

"You can stop hiding now." Umi mentioned coarsely, her amber eyes roaming through the area before setting themselves onto the blonde who had taken a few steps forward as a consequence to her words.

"Care to explain what that was about?" Eli asked her colleague, arms crossed as she watched the other woman's expression turn grim.

"I'm leaving for today. I don't care if my shift isn't over yet, someone needs to take over. Just tell them I haven't been feeling well," Umi said discontented, avoiding a satisfying answer to the blonde's question and shutting her eyes for a short moment, "I need to get out of here."

Eli observed her opposite for quite some time before nodding in agreement. There was only so much she could do. And as much as she would have loved getting to know what their conversation had been about, she did not want to push Umi. She had pushed her luck regarding Maki already. She wouldn't screw up that one as well.

"I'm starting to believe that I'm the only one sane around." She sighed, a dismissive gesture following her words.

"You aren't," Umi replied earnestly, "you lost your sanity way before already."

 _Spot-on._

* * *

It took some time, but eventually it happened. And Nico had expected no less, if she was being honest. Another five days went by, another five days of the red haired being absent at work. _How in hell would she ever be able to pay for all the bills she had neglected if she kept it up like that?_

And just on the sixth day, early in the morning – or maybe even in the middle of the night; she couldn't tell -, Nico's sound sleep got interrupted by the whirring sound of the door bell, causing her to open her eyes with a displeasured grumble. She figured it would have to be mailman, though he could have left the daily newspaper on the doormat just fine. She cursed as she walked towards the door, hair undone and messy, still in sweatpants and a slack shirt; opening it soon after to greet amethysts.

The red haired seemed to be out of breath, causing Nico to wonder why she had been running through the streets at such a time when she could have showed up in the afternoon instead. In less of a hurry.

"This might not be the worst idea after all." Maki spoke breathy.

 _Might not be the worst one indeed._


	6. Avalanche

**A/N** : Yeah, it has been some time again. I try to write on a regular basis, but that has become a pretty difficult thing to keep up lately. Please be patient with me. Another thing I want to say: I am thankful for everyone that is keeping up with me and this story. However, I always appreciate constructive criticism, especially since I am not a native English speaker. I am actually majoring in English language, so it's always useful for me to improve. As a side note, I am very thankful for the positive feedback nonetheless (of course). I hope you stick around until the end. Whenever that is going to be.

* * *

Chapter Five

* * *

Maki might have lied. Though she did not know.

 _"This might not be the worst idea after all."_

Thinking about it further, it actually might be the worst one indeed. Nico did not know what she had been thinking offering shelter for a stray so generously when she knew her hospitality could be mistaken for romantic interest so easily.

And on top of the entire mess, she wasn't entirely sure if possible romantic interest really was such a futile aspect in their current twisted situation that seemed to be tangled all over. A string of fate could be cut into pieces just like a piece of paper, and furthermore, its stability could be weakened just as easily.

So when Nico found herself in the hallway of her - well, she was not trying to exaggerate though - _mansion_ , next to a certain red haired whose hands were plunged into her coat's pocket, she felt like running away from the awkwardness her stupidity had created.

"I. Well, you see- I'm…God damn it. You know, I don't feel like," the red haired fumbled with a series of beginnings before shrugging her shoulders helplessly, "You know what, forget it. This was actually a stupid idea and I don't even know what I was thinking jumping back onto a train that has departed already."

She glanced over to the black haired, curiosity in her violet eyes as to how the other woman would react.

Quite frankly, Nico wanted to say that she was unaffected by the red haired's words, but seeing her so insecure and unsure of how to behave, she caught herself thinking of her as cute even. Cute as in cute like a kitten one wanted to pet and stroke and cuddle all day. Only that even the cutest kitten had sharp claws.

"You aren't jumping anywhere," Nico replied certain, glancing towards the clock on the wall, "It's four in the morning and you showed up here. There _has_ to be a reason for it."

The red haired sighed lowly and Nico could tell she was biting the inside of her cheek as she stood there in the hallway, hands still buried in small pockets, feet still embedded in a pair of rough leather boots, legs covered in the fabric of stone washed jeans.

Her entire appearance was so completely unusual to look at and even more, so totally different from what she looked like when she was working. It made Nico realize that this woman in front of her, the woman that was _stuttering_ because of her nervousness, was the same woman that had eloquent and sharp comebacks up her sleeve at all times. She was the same, if dressed in lingerie or jeans, she resembled the same imagery of a red haired woman with scarlet curls and deep violet eyes.

Just how many facets could one single person contain?

Maki frowned every now and then, obviously struggling with finding a response before letting out a ragged breath.  
"It doesn't matter, does it?" She looked aside as if in shame, "You said yourself you've got enough space here."

"Yeah, I did say so. And I'm not going to send you out into the cold either, but you have to at least tell me why you felt the need to interrupt my sleep. I worked tonight. I don't open up for just anyone when it's not even afternoon."

"I can leave if you don't want me here," Maki tried avoiding an answer to the black haired's question. One of her svelte hands greeted light and as soon as it had freed itself from the insides of her coat's pocket, it wrapped its slender fingers around a small bag that had been placed onto the floor before. Nico made sure to observe her movements of lifting said item.

"You didn't answer me though."

"I," the red haired hesitated as she spoke, obviously feeling uncomfortable, "had a bad dream and I kinda panicked and didn't know where else to go. What does it matter anyway? What matters is that I'm here." She hurried the phrases as she replied, her usually confident voice only a hasty mumble.

A…bad dream?  
That…was…it?  
That was why she felt the need to rush into her house in the middle of the night?

Nico did not know whether to push the other woman so she would tell her more or to just let it slide. It was tricky anyhow, since either way there would be something Maki would not tell. It was in her nature - Keeping things in the shadow so no one would dig in her private business.

The black haired did not realize she had put on a sceptical expression. Only when Maki mentioned said fact, she tried returning to a somewhat neutral one.

"You don't think I'm lying, do you?" She asked discontented, "I can still read you like an open book." The reference to the black haired's skepticism being practically _written_ on her facial features made Nico feel uncomfortable, as if the other woman was indeed able to do so. It was concerning, to be frank. Maki might have become _too_ good at interpreting.

"I don't. And you shouldn't be so sure about that fact." Nico stated coldly before she turned her back to the red haired, gesturing her to follow.

Stopping in front of a row of several doors, she turned around again.  
"You can pick one. If you want to, you can go upstairs too, I don't care." She pointed towards a circular staircase across. Maki hesitated with answering and Nico could tell she was just as insecure as the trembling of her fingers had revealed to her minutes ago already.

And she sure was good for a surprise at all times. Has always been. Will always be.

"I'll take the one opposed from your room." Maki clarified before lowering her voice, "If that's okay."

The black haired found herself bewildered for a few seconds. Despite the lack of sleep in every single one of her bones, her mind seemed to make up for that lack, taking in each perception with abnormal clarity.

"You…what?" She asked astonished.  
"You heard me," Maki replied almost instantly, "Just show me where to go, I won't get lost. I still remember what it feels like to live in a house too big for your own good."

Nico could not add anything to those words of the other woman, the bitterness in her voice leaving her to wonder if the scarlet haired had always thought of wealth as a drawback. And would she think of it as a disadvantage even in her current position?

After all, Nico did not know why and how the red haired had ended up in such a miserable living situation. And knowing that she wasn't the cause for such a thing having happened did not make anything regarding that matter any better.

"Sure you can…I guess…" Nico complied stunned, "Why is it that you suddenly want to be so close to me?"

Such an inquiry might be quite a rude assertion but didn't she _deserve_ to know? Didn't she deserve to know what made Maki change her mind? What made her follow a path she normally would have never taken again? The path of getting attached to her again?

However, wondering about the reasoning for the red haired's actions would always be a shot in the dark. She was unpredictable. There was no other way around.

Maki neglected answering the black haired's question, only when Nico had guided her to the room that had its location opposed from the one she herself usually slept in, she made an attempt to reply.

Maki walked into the spacious room and put her small bag onto the surface of neatly arranged bed sheets. For a few seconds, she seemed to be busy with emptying the content of said item, revealing a little amount of clothes and a few other things Nico could not properly spot from her position. Nico decided to wait patiently, back leaned against the wall of the doorway.

When Maki turned around, an infinitesimal glimpse of gratitude in her violet eyes, her lips moved slowly as if she was still thinking about how to put her thoughts into words.  
"I don't want to be close to you in specific," she said carefully, "I just want to be close to anyone."

That had been enough to swallow for tonight.

* * *

Nico could feel it deep within - The following days would be a ride on a roller coaster with constant ups and downs. She had a certain feeling of uneasiness when she woke up the following day, very early in the morning too. Although her precious sleep had been interrupted so impolitely the night before, she needed to be awake earlier than the red haired. She did not know why she felt that way. This was _her_ house, thus, everyone living under its roof, if only temporarily, had to adjust to her schedule. Though Nico had to admit that she had always been the person to wake up early anyway.

 _Unlike other people._

A crack of the other woman's door was open. Even though Nico did not dare to walk in, she moved a few steps aside in order to seek into said little void. She had expected to see no less than the other woman, still asleep, tightly even. If she remembered correctly, - well, she _always_ did - Maki had never been a person to wake up early in the first place. Opposites attract each other after all.

 _Hold on._

Such a thought was the first step to attachment.  
Such a thought was the first step to returning to a former consistency.

A consistency that did not exist anymore.

As soon as she had shoved the thoughts aside, Nico found herself wondering whether she should prepare breakfast or not. That was, of course, kind of an iffy situation.

Normally, she would have prepared breakfast for herself. And for herself _only_. But now she wasn't alone anymore. If she prepared it for herself only, that would be just selfish. And she had promised the scarlet haired that she could eat at her place just like she could sleep there.

But honestly, how awkward of a situation would that be? Preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner for the two of them at all times as if Maki was her _lover_.

She did say she would do so, but now that her offer had turned into reality, the black haired realized that she hadn't really thought things through.

"Were you standing there all the time?"

Realizing that she had been standing in front of the other woman's room, Nico took a few steps back as the sleepy voice of said woman greeted her, causing her to startle instinctively. Nico was quick to catch herself nevertheless, shaking her head almost too obviously quick.

The red haired, who had stepped out of the spacious room behind her, only a few inches apart from her opposite, raised a brow in disbelief. Nico looked at her from the short distance, noticing that her skin was almost flawlessly soft looking even without any make up on. Her hair was tied into a side ponytail and the loose shirt she was wearing made Nico recognize that she was _way_ too thin and way too fragile. The fabric of it had wrinkles everywhere and additionally, it wasn't even tight around her shoulders or upper arms. And suddenly her fingers weren't slender or svelte or beautifully shaped anymore just like her waist didn't add to a striking frame in its glorious appearance anymore. A shiver travelled down the black haired's spine - Such a sight had never been beautiful from the beginning. Such a hideous sight of an over exhausted woman; a woman that barely resembled the image of a red haired vivid teenage girl Nico had tried to hold on so tight all of these years.

"You don't have to look after me all the time, Nico," Maki said lowly and it felt odd, being addressed with her first name without any satirical meaning to it, "I don't come with strings attached. And if you thought so, you can cut them off now."

"I don't...I mean…" Nico struggled with finding a fitting answer, taking a few steps back as to feeling intimidated by the other woman's intent stare.

Meanwhile, Maki did not seem to bother with awaiting an answer though Nico could have sworn she had noticed her trying to reply.

"I think I'm going to work tonight." The red haired said quietly as she turned her back in order to close the door properly. As she turned around again, she explained why she had come to such a decision.  
"You were right. One way or another, even if I'll sign an agreement to" she paused shortly, scraping her nails against her palm as if in fury, "getting kicked out of my own apartment, I'll still have to pay for the rents I haven't paid before. And those are a lot."

She buried her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants, just as loose as her slack shirt, before frowning a little as a consequence to the lack of communication she received.  
"I know it sucks that I'll stick around a little. But you have to at least _try_ to contribute to making this entire thing less awkward."

Now that she had loosened her crossed arms - And Nico had not even noticed she had crossed them beforehand in the first place, said action became perceivable - It practically seemed to call attention to it, especially with the sight that it revealed.

"I-I'm really trying to make it less awkward," Nico stuttered, "but did you really have to wear a see-through shirt?" She tried taking even more steps backwards, desperate for as much distance as possible, but she hadn't calculated the wall hitting her back so abruptly and fast. After all, a hallway in between rooms wasn't the biggest space to set foot onto, no matter how big and marvellous your house was.

Maki seemed to be, to say the least, unaffected by the black haired's nervous behavior. She looked down onto said see through fabric before shrugging her shoulders half-heartedly.  
"I always wear that shirt at home. What's the matter? You've never seen a bra before?"

A grumble left Nico's lips as those words had been spoken. What an assumption. An insanely stupid one of course.

"You _aren't_ at home." She emphasized, throwing her head back in defeat. She should have at least remembered that the wall was in her back now, unlike a few minutes ago, causing the back of her head to meet the surface of it. Needless to say, it did not only hurt like hell, in addition, it was absurdly embarrassing. Acting like a little child in front of Nishikino Maki.

Suppressing the urge to let out a whimper of pain, she tried playing it off coolly by rubbing the back of her head in a circulated manner as if geometry was a matter to reducing the pain that the clash had caused.

"Yeah, I'm not. But I'm trying to feel like I am." Maki replied certain, a little glimpse of disappointment in her voice. Nico could not tell what it was exactly that made her voice sound so different from the way she usually spoke. Was she always this different when she wasn't surrounded by people?

"Fine. If you really want to feel like home, you can go upstairs and put some clothes on that are a little more _appropriate_ ," she stressed each syllable of the last word, making sure to ram some sense into the other woman, "in the meanwhile I'll-"

"I don't want you to cook for me." Maki interrupted clarifying, an earnest expression on her face. _As if she had been able to read Nico's mind all along.  
_  
"I am an adult. I can do that myself. You just need to show me where to look for ingredients and it will be fine."

Nico nodded absent-minded. As far as she could remember, Maki wasn't the most reliable person around.

Though she tried listening to Maki's words, her thoughts trailed off into an imagery of her kitchen being burned down.

* * *

"What do you mean she wasn't there?" Eli asked frustrated, clenching her fist as she spoke.

"She wasn't at home. I know it's far fetched, but I even went up to that concert hall in the city."

"She hasn't been there for years. Why would she be there now?"

"Yeah, she wasn't there either. I am starting to worry," Umi placed her flat hand onto the steering wheel in front of her, grumbling annoyed because of the traffic jam on the main street.  
"Why did I have to pick you up again?" She questioned frowning.

" _Actually_ , I wanted to spend some time with you since that's your first day off in…I don't even know, three months? By the way, you are one to talk about Maki when you are working just as much as she does."

"Why won't he use his fucking turn signal, it's there for a _reason_!" Umi yelled absent-minded, gesturing to the scene outside of the car's interior. She lowered her voice again as she realized what Eli had said before.  
"I don't work the entire day like she does though. _You_ only see her when she's working at night. But she doesn't work at night only, though the establishment is officially closed during day time."

"I _know_ that. You don't need to tell me." Eli ventured, the earnest response of the other woman plucking her nerves.

"You obviously don't. She is there during day time too. She has clients that request arrangements at early hours. God damn it, she is _always_ there! You all can't see it and maybe you don't even want to see what she has become. But I can't blame her. And if you blame her, you _better_ get out of my fucking car."

Eli frowned. She had never recognized how dedicated the blue haired woman was when it came to defending Maki, but now that she did, she wondered what it was that had caused them to be so close to each other. Eli had always figured that Nico leaving Maki without telling her had been the reason for the red haired to turn into a whole other person. Because loss was heavy and loss hurt and even at the delicate age of seventeen, even then, loss could change a person so _easily_. But right now, she wasn't so sure anymore if that had really been the reason all along. A few weeks after Nico had left, Maki had acted unusually reserved and snappy. Of course, those personality traits had always been a part of her, but she had never shown them to such a heavy extent than back then.

The blonde wasn't trying to sound self-absorbed, but honestly, if anyone, _she_ was the one to be affected by Nico's returning the most. She had always been affected by her actions the most. And nobody could convince her otherwise.

Yet, Eli was sure of it - There must have been something else that had made the red haired change so drastically. And Umi knew about it along. It must be like that. Eli could see it in the way her amber eyes flickered, the way her fingers trembled in fury as they got placed onto the sides of the steering wheel, turning it around almost aggressively just to stop in front of a red glowing traffic light.

"What I _actually_ wanted to say was that I wanted to spend some time with you again. Like in old times, you know." Eli tried changing the topic in order to avoid an unnecessary argument.

Umi's gaze was focused onto the traffic lights, her long shaped finger nails scratched the texture of the car's dashboard as she put one hand onto it.

"I can't. I was just on my way to the grocery store."

"Can't you do that later? We should look where Maki's at and after that, we can do something toge-"

"Didn't you hear what I just said, Eli? It seems to me that you don't want to listen to me," Umi replied sharply, "she is nowhere to be found. And maybe she doesn't _want_ to be found. You need to give her _time_. She needs to process what is actually happening right now. I don't think she wants to have a ladies night at this moment, Eli."

The blonde sighed lowly. Umi was right after all. But she couldn't let go of it. She knew Maki was mad at her, even madder after she had confronted her with the issue of the money, but there must be at least _some_ way to return to a certain normality of their friendship. Though, at this point, knowing that Umi seemed to know so much more about the red haired, she wasn't entirely sure if they had ever been friends in the first place.

"I need to pick up Yui from preschool afterwards. Unless you want to play my wife and follow me around all the time, you should find someone else to spend your spare time with." Umi added, an impatient mumble leaving her lips as she continued waiting for the traffic lights to turn green.

As much as Eli knew that it was in Umi's nature to push people out of her private life, she knew as well that she sometimes needed someone to make an effort to actually fight against her push. She had known Umi for too long. And she wouldn't give up on her just because things became complicated. Yet the blonde knew that things had only become complicated because of Nico returning. And she had known that it would happen as soon as the black haired would set foot onto well-known territory again. Eli remembered the several times she had sat on the couch in her living room, forced to watch the face of a hypocrite being plastered onto the screen of her television due to the advertisement of a silly new fashion line. She had hated how Nico seemed to be everywhere though she had left. She had hated how she got a reward, success even, after what she had done.

"I'll play your wife then," Eli spoke amused before adding more quietly, "You know very well that there isn't anyone else I can annoy." She had wanted her sentence to sound somewhat funny, instead, she found herself thinking of it as tragic. It was indeed. Even Umi noticed, shrugging her shoulders slightly as a quiet "Fine" escaped her lips.

 _Yeah. Everything was fine._

* * *

"Hasn't it been twenty minutes already? It doesn't take twenty minutes for water to boil." Nico sighed after entering her spacious kitchen. She had taken a shower though she had known beforehand that leaving the red haired alone could end up being a disaster very easily. She had imagined all kind of bad things having happened in the short time, but to her surprise, she found Maki in front of the stove. She had leaned forward a little, causing her scarlet curls to ripple every now and then. As soon as she noticed Nico walking in, she startled instinctively.

"Y-yeah, I just got in here five minutes ago." She spoke unconvincingly, averting her eyes almost instantly. _Suspicious_. Nico raised a brow in disbelief, adjusting the collar of her shirt as she took a few steps towards the red haired, tiptoeing in order to look over the shoulder of the taller woman.

"It's not even turned on though." She stated after a quick glance to the buttons that regulated the temperature. A sigh escaped her lips yet again on that day.  
"Move aside," she ordered, "you are useless in here. You can leave. I will bring you something upstairs."

Surprisingly, Maki didn't say a word. She left without a witty comeback or explanation. Nico figured that she was ashamed as to having lied about her abilities of getting through the life of an adult. Honestly, if Nico was being honest, Maki was still a child in a way. She had grown up way too fast, she had had to learn to be responsible at such a young age, and it caused her to fall back into a childish behavior now that she _actually_ was an adult. And Nico doubted that she knew how to take care of herself. She did not even know how to turn on a stove, how could people leave her by herself?

Adding to that impression, she always tried to be as mature as possible, or rather, act as if she was. Nico could not tell whether to think of her behavior as amusing or tragic. She came to the conclusion that Maki wasn't as tough as she always pretended to be and it was enough of a conclusion to convince her that Maki actually needed someone to _care_. Nothing more or less. She was looking for attention though she made a secret out of said desire.

When Nico walked up the stairs to their rooms afterwards - _their_ rooms (as if this wasn't _her_ house _only_!) -, a tray in her hands, she wondered why she even cared. Why she even made an effort to make this work.

That is a question she had asked herself many times already, _too_ many times. What was it that made her so enchanting? What was it that made her so _magnetic_?

Nico wasn't sure if she would ever get an answer to that question. Science wasn't explained in emotions or feelings. It was explained in proof and evidence. And a magnetic force was practically a matter of science, even in this regard. Right?

Shaking off the thoughts, the black haired made her way to the room opposed from hers, knocking first. _Why did she even knock_? This was _her_ house. Coming to said conclusion, she entered the room, athletically handling the tray on one hand while pulling down the handle with the other. Such an effort turned out to be needless since there was nobody in the room. Nico figured Maki would be taking a shower to distract herself from the embarrassment of not being able to turn on a stove. She put the tray onto the large desk; she remembered having it picked out for the interior too well. This room was supposed to be the room where she would write the lyrics for her songs. Ever since Nico had become an independent musician that was all her work was about. She did not need to worry about outfits and make up and performances. Usually, her agency had handled those things. And they had offered to hire a song writer too. But Nico had wanted to write her own songs, she had wanted them to _mean_ something. She did not want to sing meaningless words written by other people that knew little to nothing about who she _really_ was.

To sum it up, she had wanted to impress and inspire and get things off her chest by singing instead of being yet another shallow artist in the world of celebrities. However, since she had moved here only recently, she had not been able to test every room of her new location on its usage purposes. She could not tell whether the large window next to the desk actually added to her inspiration for writing a song or not. How could she know when she only ever performed at that lousy place she called her new work place?

Quite frankly, Nico had not even touched a pencil ever since she had returned.

She turned her head a little, looking around in the spacious room. She wasn't astonished as to finding several pieces of clothing of the red haired in the most misplaced locations, such as underneath the bed or hanging from the handle of the French door. Maki had never been an organized person from the beginning. Though Nico wondered how she could have brought only one little, small bag. How could a bag this small possibly contain all the items she needed to lead a decent life with?

Wondering about those things was futile, Nico would never get proper answers to her questions. Even if it was about a silly bag. When she returned to her own bed room, ready to sink into the distraction of filling out paperwork again - There was so much paperwork to fill out just because of a simple relocation and quite frankly, Nico did not really understand everything that was written on ivory paper - she was more than just bewildered to find Maki in there. Her gaze was set onto a row of framed pictures Nico had hung onto the pink wall above her large bed. Maki had not even noticed the black haired walking in, her violet eyes kept their gaze focused onto one picture in specific.

"What are you doing here?" Nico ventured slowly, taking a few steps towards the other woman who turned around as a consequence. She obviously felt caught, perhaps trapped even, as to having been noticed digging in other people's business when she apparently valued privacy so much.

"I was…I mean. It's not what it looks like!"  
"To me it looks like you've been feeling a little bit _too_ home."  
"Are you wearing my necklace in this picture?" Maki asked instead of deepening the issue, pointing towards the picture she had inspected so intently before. The red painted nail of her pointer finger scratched the glassy surface of the frame as she did so. Nico took even more steps forward, keeping a short distance to the red haired nonetheless. She did not even have to look at the picture Maki was referring to, she knew well what it portrayed.

It was a picture that had been taken on the day of her first live show overseas, a concert in the heat of mid-July, shortly after she had left Japan. _After she had left Maki._

In the foreground, there was the silhouette of the Nico that had tried forcing away regrets by offering a wide smile to the audience, living in the moment. She was wearing a short dress in a peach-colored shade of orange, matching the ribbons that held her hair in place. She used to wear that hair style quite often back then; it probably became the essential thing for people to recognize her. Nowadays, Nico did not care about such things anymore. She preferred her hair down though she could not tell why. Perhaps, it made her feel like getting rid of the idol-like imagination people had of her. There was nothing to admire about her. There was no reason for people to idolize a person that couldn't even stand behind their foolish - _who was she kidding actually_ \- insanely irresponsible actions.

The Nico in the picture had not changed a bit. She was still there, she was still a coward. Maki had been right. She had been right and she would be right at all times when it came to this matter, even Nico realized now.  
There was a golden necklace around the pale skin of her, slightly noticeable on a closer look. Its golden color seemed to fade a little due to the glaring lights in the background of the picture, yet the small charm attached on it could be spotted - A star.

"Yeah," Nico admitted coyly, "When I had packed my things back then, I had found it underneath my bed. I figured you wouldn't miss it, but perhaps that was just something my mind had made up so I wouldn't have to face you again."

Maki turned her head almost instantly at the other woman's remark, a few strands of her side ponytail had found their way out of the grip of the hair tie, making her appearance seem… _lost_?

"What made you think I wouldn't miss it?" She asked accusingly, "What made you think I wouldn't ever miss it!" She raised her voice, causing the black haired to flinch a little due to the suddenness.

"It's just a necklace and I-" Nico tried defending herself, but Maki was quick to shut her off.  
"It's _not_ just a necklace!" She interrupted furiously, her violet eyes glowing aggressively as she continued, "That necklace _meant_ something to me! Believe it or not! You can't just take away the things people care about, thinking they won't miss them!"

Before Nico could reply, the red haired stormed out of the room, shutting the door behind her with a fast and uproarious behavior.

Eventually, it occurred to Nico that Maki hadn't actually been talking about the necklace in the first place. And she wondered if not realizing sooner had always been her worst mistake from the beginning on.

Maki did not go to work that night. She might have lied. Again. Though she _did_ know this time. She did not leave her (" _her_ ") room afterwards on that day either. Nico had wanted to ask if she was okay but honestly, she knew the answer already. The hand she had lifted in order to knock on the door slid down hesitantly. For the rest of the day, there was no interaction with the red haired and Nico continued with her life as if she had never offered her to live at her place, _as if she wasn't there_.

It felt awkward. But there was no reason to be pushy or genuinely interested, _unless_ …

Yeah. Unless. Nico did not dare to finish the sentence her thoughts had made up.

Late in the evening, almost around midnight, the black haired could not hold back anymore, the uncertainty and insecurity that arose inside of her too heavy not to be satisfied and replaced with certainty and security.

Ironically, Nico knocked on the door yet again as if this wasn't her house, but she did not get any answer. She figured that Maki would be as stubborn as she had always been, engrossed in keeping the solidity of her anger. However, to Nico's astonishment, just like some hours before, Maki wasn't there. The window was open, curtains waving because of the chilly night air that had filled the room.

She was gone.

Without any second thoughts, Nico hurried. She wasn't sure why she did so. But nowadays, she wasn't sure about anything anymore.

* * *

It was a relief - Knowing that she was "only" at work. That was the first place Nico had went to when she was looking for the red haired. There wasn't anywhere else to look for her anyway. Nico did not know anything about her anymore, how could she know where she would go when life seemed to be too much of a burden?

After all, Maki had not lied. She had gone to work, though Nico did question her way of doing so. When she spotted the red haired in the dressing room, sitting on a red armchair, face buried in her tender hands, she felt her heart shatter into million of tiny pieces.

She looked around carefully. Since she had been able to walk into the establishment without any problems, Umi must be here too. She must have unlocked the door beforehand and forgotten to lock it afterwards again.

After making sure that nobody seemed to be near, she ventured to walk into the dressing room, closing the door behind her as quietly as possible. What did one do when confronted with a crying person that did not pay any attention to their surroundings?

Should she speak up? Should she leave? Should she take the seat on the arm chair opposed? Should she comfort her?

What in hell was the right way of taking care of a person that was in denial?

And honestly, wasn't she herself in denial?  
Because what kind of situation could be any more _obvious_? Obvious regarding a matter she tried to force away, as if burying her feelings would erase them for sure. Actually, she was unsure regarding every matter in this exact moment, she wasn't sure what was right and what was wrong anymore and she wasn't sure if love had always been so complicated.

 _Love?_

With trembling legs, Nico took the seat opposed, her ruby eyes focused on the red haired. The other woman's elbows were placed onto her thighs, her flat palms pressed against her face, denying access to the sight of her amethyst eyes.

Nico could not tell for sure, but judging from the way she hid it, she really must be crying. Though she did it very silently, only the slight tremble of her wrists called attention to it.

For a long time, Nico did not do anything. She just sat there, eyes set onto the scarlet haired, wondering when exactly it was that she had fallen in love with her for the first time, wondering why exactly she never realized that she had never really let go of what they used to have.

"Please," Maki suddenly spoke up, still not looking up, her voice faint and broken, "Just leave, Umi. I don't feel like talking." From time to time, it was hard to understand her words. She swallowed some syllables because of the sobs that left her lips. Her confidence seemed to have vanished and it was in that moment that Nico realized she had never been confident in the first place. She had been fragile all along. There was no way that the confident facet she had built up was the real self of hers, Nico realized only now.

"I'm not going leave, even if you want me to." She said quietly, leaning forward a little as she noticed Maki moving her quivering hands aside. She wanted to look her straight into the eyes, she wanted to see the _real_ Maki.

However, Nico regretted doing so when she saw the face of a person that had been through too much to even handle one single step forward anymore. She must have been walking on the same spot for years, afraid of going back, frightened of moving forward. The make up she had put on was smudged now, her hair messy and unkempt.

"Why did you leave?" Nico asked as sensitive as possible, "And why didn't you use the door?" As a response, she met a short glance of challenging amethysts, so short that Nico thought she had imagined it.

"What does it feel like?" Maki replied, a faint trail of cynicism in her still shaking voice, "What does it feel like when people leave without any explanation?"

"Why are you mad at me?" Nico asked in return. She avoided the rhetorical question of her opposite on purpose, knowing full well that she was angry and full of bitterness.

Nico looked her right into the eyes as she spoke and even though she was so close to the red haired, it did not bother her. It's insane how much could change in just a few weeks. And it's even more insane how much could change in the time span of minutes only.

Nico had expected a lot of things to happen. She had expected Maki to yell at her, to accuse her of being a hypocrite, to blame her for having left her behind. She had expected the red haired to stand up and leave without a word; she even had expected her to slap her into the face.

Because her question was just the worst. There was no reason to sugar coat anything in this regard. Asking why Maki was mad at her when she had _every_ reason to be.

But the red haired didn't do any of those things Nico had imagined. For an eternity, she stared at the black haired with a certain vacancy in her gaze and Nico had expected her to just hit her in the face in that exact moment. The silence was almost too unbearable.

And she still did not do anything Nico had expected, instead, she leaned forward, closing the short distance between them. She rested her flat palm on the thigh of the black haired, her crimson curls brushing the other woman's cheek for a short moment.

Having expectations usually led to disappointment, right?

Nico's mind was too blank and numb to even react, to even _realize_ what was happening when Maki leaned forward even more, captivating her lips in an instant. Her lips were soft, yet the kiss that followed her sudden movements was a paradox to it, demanding and certain. The hand she had placed onto the black haired's thigh wandered towards Nico's neck as she applied more pressure to the kiss as if she was holding onto her life.

Nico wasn't sure what kind of reaction would be the right one in this situation. Her insecurity caused her to feel almost frozen, too paralyzed by what was happening so _suddenly_. Though she had closed her eyes, though she had tried returning the kiss, she wasn't content with such a hesitant reaction of hers. But wasn't hesitation the right emotion to befit such actions of the red haired?

She only did it out of an impulse, right?  
And she did it because she was angry at her. Because she wanted to show her what she had missed all those years, right?

It was nothing more than provocation acting.  
 _Right?_

When Maki pulled away, her violet eyes flickering like fireworks, Nico was not even sure what she had been thinking all along. Why she had left. _Why she had ever let go_.

" _That's_ why I'm angry at you."


	7. Chess Move

**A/N** : TOOK ME SO LONG, I KNOW. I'm hanging in so poorly these days, I alternate between dying and sleeping only, basically. Exams are coming up soon and this semester is especially important to me, as I'm in the middle of graduating from further education. You can imagine that I am pretty short on time and even when I do have some spare time, I'm too tired to even write a sentence.

I decided on changing the rating to M since things are getting quite sensitive in this chapter. Warning for emotional abuse in a way. Honestly, I did plan on finally letting the ice melt and I did intend to make the newer chapters less sombre, but Crossroads threw me right back into the Nicomaki emo pit. I promise the next chapters will finally contain a little _happiness_. Who knew I was capable of writing such a thing.

So anyway, I hope you aren't mad at me for turning everything even darker and if you are, just yell at me in a review.

* * *

Chapter Six

* * *

Maki couldn't sleep the entire night. Knowing that she was sleeping in Nico's house, in one of her _beds_ , after what had happened – It made everything worse. Everything was crashing and burning and there was nothing she could do to prevent this disaster from unfolding.

The room was dark, the French doors ajar as she lay on silky cushions, head turned to the side to watch the starry night sky through the opened windows. At this point, she wasn't even sure what to wish for if she saw a shooting star. Financial stability? The past six years to have never happened? Nico to _leave_? Nico to _stay_?

It has been three days since the kiss. Maki knew because she was counting days ever since. Honestly, she did not know what her conflicted mind had been thinking doing such a thing. She was mad and furious and horribly torn between a head versus heart combat.

She didn't kiss. _Ever_.

Generally, this regulation applied to her work only. But right now, she wished she had chosen it to be a policy regarding her personal life as well. Last time she had kissed somebody had been years ago. Now, it was a matter of days. Ironically, both times had been the same person to kiss. Nothing seemed to be more discomforting than the thought of not being able to detach herself from one certain person.

Though the red haired knew she was behaving beyond childish, she hadn't left her room the past days when Nico was around. When she was at work on the other hand, just like she was now, Maki only ever left the room in order to go to the bath room. She didn't even feel like eating, let alone working. She would find an excuse for her long absence. It's not like there weren't enough other people to satisfy those greedy customers. It's not like anyone appreciated her for _who_ she was there.

There was little to do from here on. Maki didn't know how to act. How to behave. What to think. Around and about anyone.

There were moments she could feel her heart clenching in her chest when she looked at Nico. It reminded her of the many years they had missed, it reminded her of what had happened shortly before Nico had left.

It had been an awful time back then. A few days before Nico had decided to leave without telling anyone, she had broken up with Maki. As a consequence, she apparently hadn't felt the need to tell her that she was going overseas. She hadn't even felt the need to talk to her anymore. Maki remembered how she had been waiting for a text message to arrive, waiting for the screen of her phone to finally lighten up. She remembered how she had been only seventeen, newly graduated from high school. The reasoning for their relationship to end was simple, yet complicated. Everything was a paradox when it came to their connection. It was a special yet toxic one. Nico had not even hesitated one second to destroy two years of being together in the blink of an eye.

When Maki was sixteen, she had gotten to know the difficult financial situation of her parents. Back then, she had led a life in which she never had to worry about money in the slightest. Her parents had owned a hospital. They had had more than enough money, if not abundant.

But by the time she had turned seventeen, the hospital was in enormous existential problems. Her parents couldn't keep up with paying all of the workers anymore due to the lack of incoming patients. As a consequence, the constitution didn't get permission for continuation. The hospital didn't receive any subsidies from the state anymore, practically forcing her parents to finally recognize the urgency of the crisis. In such a situation, it was better to give up completely instead of trying keeping something alive that didn't have any chance of survival. Her father sold the hospital to another medical company. And from there on, everything went downhill.

It was difficult for Maki's parents to find new work since the downfall of the Nishikino Hospital had had a bad reputation on them.

Looking back onto it, Maki knew that her teenage-self had made awful decisions. However, it had been the only solution her younger self could come up with. It offered enough money - More money than working in retail would have provided her and her family with. And after all, without sugar coating it, it had _only_ been dating. Unlike nowadays.

Maki grimaced at the thoughts, reaching for the blanket and pulling it over her head. She couldn't bear the sight of the beautiful night sky anymore. All those stars were shining so bright on the darkish horizon, it made her wonder what had caused her own star to end up defunct.

Dating older men in exchange for money was indeed disgusting in a way. The red haired was aware of that fact. But they had paid huge amounts of money for simple _dates_. Without such a kind of job, her family would have never been able to pay for rents and bills. Maki had made sure her parents would never find out. She had told them that she was working at a café to support their financial stability and save some money for college. Of course, even her seventeen year old self wasn't that dumb to hand her parents all of the money she received. She had kept a part of it every time, knowing full well that they would suspect something otherwise. No café in this world would pay such huge salaries to their workers.

It was ironic. Ironic how she had cared so much to be useful when it had only ended up spelling doom for her. Nowadays, Maki wasn't even sure where her parents were at. That aside, her provisory income had ended up being quite helpful nonetheless. After some time, Maki had grown to be rather distant to everyone around her. And eventually, her parents gave up on searching for a job as they realized her income was enough, although they had been living on the edge of existence with that. Maki never forgave them for what followed. They had had a _daughter_ to take care of.

And there was nothing more careless than drowning one's misery in the apparent comfort of alcohol on a _daily_ basis _in front_ of their _child_ when they could have just as equally been looking for another activity to earn money. Maki was sure of it, if they hadn't paid off their house before this entire disaster had occurred already, they would have ended up in the deepest corner of some rotten alleyway where the rats would be fighting over the last pieces of fast food leftovers in the trash bins. In a way, she could understand her parents for their careless actions as they had indeed put their entire time and effort into the hospital only for it to be sold. She could understand them on the one hand, but on the other, she didn't feel like ever forgiving them.

Of course Nico never got to know the entire background to this story. She only caught the red haired on one of _those_ dates and it was enough for her to come to a conclusion. Maki had tried hard to be careful enough not to be caught. Nico had _meant_ something to her. And she hadn't planned on loosing what they had had. But in the end, her effort to keep it a secret had only ended up causing exactly what she had tried to prevent.

Maki's stomach was turning just thinking of everything. Her head was pounding, her legs felt heavy as if she had been wandering restlessly for days. Even the blanket on top of her body felt heavy. Nico had been right. Some people were born with gold growing in their backyards whereas other had to settle with copper. And Maki had seen both sides of it. She had seen both – The rise and the fall.

After their kiss, everything had been awkward, too. Maki felt unable to clear her mind as if every memory of hers had been replaced by blurry pictures. She had leaned forward and…

What had followed had not been part of the plan. The plan had been to get away from Nico. When Maki had ended up at her work place on that night, she had felt like her mind had been numbed completely. Fortunately, Umi had been there already. She had asked a lot of questions and Maki had known it was because of her being on the verge of crying which was rare enough. But she knew well that everything would become even more complicated if she told Umi what was going on. After Umi had finally let go of it, Maki had found herself crying in a room back stage and then Nico had appeared. It wasn't really that much of a feat to figure out that the red haired would be found at work. Where else could she even go after all?

Suddenly, it was way too hot underneath the blanket. Pulling said item down again, Maki sat up in the bed. She avoided looking out of the window nevertheless. The situation afterwards had been awkward all over, actually. Maki remembered now. She had forced the thoughts away, knowing that affection wasn't an emotion she should be feeling right now.

When she had clarified her reasoning for actually being mad (more or less), Nico had stayed quiet for a while. She had looked at the red haired with such curiosity in her eyes as if she was observing a completely new discovered species. After that, she had stood up and stretched out her arm, offering her flat palm for the other woman to hold onto while standing up. And Maki had done so. She had felt the warmth coming from the older woman's grip immediately, but she had let go of it just as immediate.

"If that's why you're mad at me, then I guess I'll be fine with you staying mad at me."

Without further ado, Nico had left after having spoken those words. If Maki remembered correctly, she had even left the establishment in order to knock on the door afterwards so Umi wouldn't suspect anything. Surely Umi wasn't pleasured to see the black haired standing in the doorway nonetheless, but this way she wouldn't question how and why she had gotten in there. Though it had indeed been Umi's own fault not to lock the door. Maki even remembered thinking of such cautious behavior of Nico as...well…was it too soon to say _cute_? In a way, confirming even.

The rest of the night had gone by as usual. Thankfully, neither Umi nor Eli had asked her why she had been absent for so long. But now that she wasn't at work for days again, the red haired knew that it was only a matter of time for one of them to ask. Though she wasn't so sure about Eli being daring enough to even speak to her again.

It felt odd, knowing that Nico just let this kiss slide as if it didn't matter.

Did it matter, actually?

 _Did it matter?_

Regarding herself, Maki wasn't sure. She wasn't sure what that kiss meant. She had done it out of an impulse because Nico had been so close to her and-

Suddenly, the red haired felt overwhelmed with every infinitesimal thought spinning inside of her mind. She needed answers. Tonight might be just the right night to get them.

* * *

It was past opening hour when Maki arrived at work, shrugging her coat off as she fought her way through the crowd. Her eyes roamed the area: The stage was empty, but there was a microphone set up already. She spotted a hint of blonde hair hovering around, but she did not bother to look twice. Umi was behind the counter as usual, laughing and chatting with customers that were beyond wasted already. Maki knew that this was part of the job, but it was disgusting nonetheless. Nico was right. All of this – It was _disgusting._ Now that she was looking at it with the perspective of a customer, she felt nauseous just by looking.

"Well, if she isn't here she must be…" Maki muttered to herself, certain that nobody would hear her regarding the usual noisiness. The red and glaring lights coming from everywhere only added to the pounding of her headache, the sight of red furniture with velvet cushions made her sick. As the red haired hurried through the multiplicity of people, she felt a grasp around her wrist tighten. Out of an impulse, she tore away from the grip, turning around in order to face the person that was keeping her away from her intentions.

Unsurprisingly, said person turned out to be a middle-aged man – Dark hair, dark eyes, dark suit. Maki wondered why so many people were dressed so fancily when their clothes would come off anyway.

Out of decency, Maki tried to put up a somewhat neutral expression instead of showing her annoyance so obviously.

"Can I help you, Sir?"

Maki knew _exactly_ what this man was mistaking her for and actually, he wasn't even mistaking her, as this kind of business was indeed her only income. But not today. She wasn't here for satisfying someone else's needs. Not today. And she wished not ever again.

"Yeah, of course you can," the man answered with a pinch of aggressiveness in his voice, "what else would you be here for?" Once again, he made an attempt to reach for the red haired's arm, but Maki made sure to step back soon enough.

"I'm not working today." She clarified harshly.

"Not working today?" the man repeated incredulously and Maki could smell his bad breath from the all the alcohol as he spoke, "Aren't you the red haired that's so well-known around? I'm sure you can make some time for a _customer._ "

Maki raised a brow in disbelief. Either this man was too wasted to even understand what she was saying or he just didn't _want_ to understand. Before she could reply, her opposite moved closer towards her again, ignoring the complaints of a few people as he ignorantly bumped into them. Within seconds, he was way _too_ close. Maki tried pushing his gigantic body away from her, but there was little she could do when she weighted a quarter of his weight.

"You surely now how to have a little fun, don't you?" He whispered disgustingly as he lowered his body, his breath tickling the red haired woman's ear. It certainly wasn't a kind of pleasant tickle. Maki couldn't really react as she was used to this kind of treatment, but today was different. Today, she wanted to let go of everything that had ever happened these past years.

 _Everything._

"Let go of me." She stated consequently as she felt a grip tighten around her wrist again, trying hard to suppress the disgust she felt arise.

"No. You're coming along with me." – A familiar voice. "And this guy here is getting the fuck out of here or I'll make sure Umi shows him the exit _personally_."

"Nico?" Maki asked surprised as she realized the grasp around her wrist didn't belong to the customer who was slowly walking back to the bar, cursing and muttering under his breath.

"Yeah, yeah. Save your accusations for later. We should go backstage." Without further ado, Nico made her way through the crowd and surprisingly, she didn't let go of the grip she had on the other woman. Maki wasn't sure if she only imagined it – But it felt even tighter than some minutes ago.

When they were somewhere private, in one of the rooms for workers only, Maki spoke up.

"You didn't have to help me out there. I can handle such customers. I always did."

"Sure." Nico confirmed and it wasn't even a bitter or sarcastic confirmation. She was serious. "Why are you here anyway? Are you done locking yourself up in _my_ house?"

Maki looked onto her feet. She couldn't explain why she felt ashamed, but the feeling was present. "I came to talk."

" _Now_ you want to talk? It's been some time."

"You rushed out of the room as if that kiss didn't mean anything to you!"

Being square on purpose wasn't the red haired's strongest suit, but it turned out accidents could reveal emotions just as well.

"I wanted to give you some time. _Some_ time, and not an eternity." When Nico noticed Maki being speechless for once, she complied. "If you want to talk, it's for the best if the both of us talk. I'll tell you what you want to hear, but so will you."

Maki didn't need to think twice about it. Though, looking back onto it, she should have.

"Why did you leave?" She asked and it took some guts to digest the nervousness that followed the silence she received at first.

"I didn't want to remember what I've done."

"But-"

"It's my turn. Wait for your next one." Nico interrupted before sitting down on an armchair. Maki wondered if this conversation felt draining to her.

"What happened after I left?"

Maki laughed. "What didn't happen? You need to be more specific."

Nico gritted her teeth. This damn woman. Small steps first, then.

"What happened to Umi and Kotori?"

Maki stayed silent for quite a while. Nico could tell she was struggling with revealing reasons for things that weren't Nico's business, but justice came with injustice. If she wanted answers, she had to deliver.

"They broke up. Kotori couldn't bear the thought of raising a child that wasn't hers. I mean, it can't really be hers either way, but I think this one's clear."

"Wait, she was-"

"My turn." Maki interrupted, deciding on taking the seat opposed. It felt odd. Every single time they found each other in of these rooms they were close too each other, sometimes even too close for their own good. Familiar situations repeated frequently, too often, too unbearably.

"What did that kiss mean to you?"

"What did it mean to _you_?" Nico asked in return, eyes narrowing. "To me, it meant nothing. You don't know what you're doing. You act out of an impulse and you have no clue what your own actions mean. And as long as it stays that way, it won't ever mean anything to me. It felt like kissing a drunk person that can't even tell up from down."

"I _know_ what I am doing!"

There was no way Maki would ever admit that she was indeed confused. There was no way she would ever admit she was insecure. No way. Not in an eternity.

"Then why did you accept my offer, thinking you had to sleep with me? Why did you accept my offer to live at my place? Why did you come here to talk? Why do you reach out for me when you _hate_ me so much?" Nico knew she was spot on with every assumption of hers, she knew it within, and yet she felt sorry for pushing it so far. But she couldn't help it. And since it was her turn, she decided on pushing it even more. "What happened to you after I had left?"

Maki didn't answer for a long time. She sat in silence, so did Nico. For some time, Nico thought she would build up walls again, but surprisingly, Maki didn't seem to think of avoiding an answer. Desperation didn't come out of nowhere. This woman had enough of fighting against her own stubbornness. She had enough of fighting in a world that had conspired against her. Nico could tell it from the way she was looking aside, pensively so.

"Give me one good reason why I should tell you. Give me one good reason to _trust_ you."

"I used to love you."

"Honestly, don't get the wrong impression," Maki replied, "But 'used to' isn't enough for this."

Nico wasn't sure what Maki had expected. Had she really expected a love confession on the spot? They were far away from such things.

"Did you even tell _anyone_ about this?" She asked. Nico had a feeling Maki never talked about whatever it was that apparently made life so miserable to her. But it seemed she didn't know much about the red haired anymore as Maki nodded in confirmation. And suddenly, she began talking. Up until this point, Nico had wondered if they would ever be close to each other again. Up until this point, she had believed there would always be an invisible wall to separate them.

She had never expected Maki to open up. Especially not after saying that a 'used to love' wasn't enough for her to spill.

"Umi knows about it. I don't know if she told Eli, but she knows. She was there. Or, let's say, she was there some days after."

"Some…days after?" Nico inquired curiously. She didn't know why she was so damn interested and she didn't know why the pained expression of a certain redhead made her feel so many emotions she shouldn't feel at once.

"Yeah. I guess it's no use sugar coating it. You probably still remember _why_ you broke up with me. After you left, I didn't quit this…well…job, in a way. Whether you want to hear it or not. You didn't even know how much I _needed_ the money."

Nico hated how pitiful she sounded when she talked like this.

"You could have-"

"What? Worked at a fast food restaurant? At a department store? That wasn't _enough_ money, Nico. But I don't expect you to understand. You didn't care to understand back then, why would you now?" She paused for a few seconds, "Either way, this job ended up being the cause for…whatever you want to call me these days. I was young and naive and money makes you do insane things. So when one of my clients asked me if I would accompany him to his apartment in exchange for more money, I said yes. It wasn't my intention to do anything more than dating. I was seventeen after all. But apparently, my age didn't really stop him from-"

"Don't say anything further." Nico interrupted as she was s _ensing_ something already, "Dont."

Maki laughed. "Now that I'm talking you want me to stop? That's not the way life works. You wanted this question-answer things and here you have it. You better listen carefully since you probably want to know what kind of filthy person I was back then already."

"You were-"

"What?" The red haired interrupted once again, "not responsible for his actions? Yeah, I wasn't. You are right. He never had my consent for what followed. But do you really think everyone in this world is as good-hearted as you want to believe? He didn't need any consent. It had been my mistake to agree. It had been my mistake and mine only."

Nico's head was spinning. If all of this was true, if all of this was what had really occurred, she wished she had never left. If she had talked Maki out of this entire thing, she could have prevented such a disaster.

"I mean, of course, I didn't know that _accompanying_ someone to their apartment meant something completely else than I believed."

"And what happened after - " Nico didn't dare to finish sentence. Her usually so snappy and sharp nature vanished. She couldn't act as usual in this regard. She couldn't show contempt or hatred even, now that she knew what the red haired had to endure. She couldn't ever look at her the same way again. Ever. No matter what had happened in the past.

"After what? You don't even want to _say_ those things, right? Just the imagination of them is enough to make you feel horrible." A bitter laughter escaped her lips, "He didn't let me leave. I was in there for _three_ days. You won't know how much cruelty people are capable of. You hopped onto your plane and thought you could erase a past that is etched into your bones. I couldn't even do that. It's thanks to Umi that the police eventually caught him. I had texted her the address before I had accompanied him as we wanted to meet up later. I had told her she should wait there. Of course I didn't show up there that day. After three days, Umi eventually realized something must be odd about this entire thing, as I couldn't answer her texts either. Honestly, I don't want to imagine what could have happened if she hadn't been there."

She turned her head towards Nico again, "What does it feel like to know that you could have prevented all of this? Or that you could have been in Umi's place? What does it feel like to be a _coward_ that left everything behind?"

Nico had never, _never_ expected to hear such a story leave red lips. She ignored the redhead's cynical questions, "And why are you working at such a place when you, out of all the people - "

"I got used to it." Maki interrupted, "I got used to it and I don't even know if that's the worst or the most ironic thing about everything."

" _Nothing_ about that is ironic." Nico stated serious and as she spoke, she noticed something leave her lips she rather would have suppressed. But accidents occurred so frequent these days.

"Why are _you_ crying now? If someone should be crying, then that's clearly me." Maki asked as her ears had apparently noticed the quiet sob, too. She leaned forward a little as she inspected Nico's face further, realizing that she was indeed crying a little, if only silently. "I don't even know why I told you all of this. I guess it's payback for all your selfishness. I can turn the tables just as easily. Now you feel quite _filthy_ , huh?"

She stood up. She didn't get the answers she had been wishing for, just as Nico probably didn't get the answers she had wanted to hear. She had wanted to hear that she had been right all along, that it had been a good decision to leave. She wanted to hear reassuring words when there was nothing reassuring about everything she had ever done.

"Honestly, I really needed someone to lean on back then. But I guess you just weren't supposed to be the one to find comfort in, though I'm not sure if there is anything that can provide comfort at all these days."

Silence never seemed more discomforting. Nico was trying to look anywhere, but towards Maki's direction.

"One more thing," Maki said as she was about to leave, "The letter you and Umi where talking about some time ago? Umi never wrote that letter. I'm surprised you didn't recognize my handwriting."

Nico observed her as she stood in the doorway, ready to vanish into oblivion for the next hours of a restless shift for Nico.

"That letter wasn't directed towards her either. It was directed to the police department. I wanted to give them the evidence they needed in an anonymous letter. You probably saw the picture that was in there, too?"

Nico couldn't really tell what was happening as she alternated between looking at the red haired and averting her eyes. Everything was happening too fast, too frequent, too close to a person that made her lose her mind so god damn casually. If Umi never wrote all of these lines and if it had been Maki all along, did that mean-

"I had _everything_ to put you into jail for your careless actions. It was up to _me_. But Umi stopped me. I don't know why she did it. They say pregnant women are more sensitive, I guess." She was about to leave again, when she turned around once more.

"To me Nico, a person like you belongs into jail. And that's not because of how you treated me since that is, unfortunately, not a crime. But it doesn't matter how you look at it - You're guilty."

* * *

Nico waited for someone to show up, for the door to open, for a police officer to _finally_ talk to her. The ticking of the clock in the background only made her hands shake more. The chair she was sitting on was uncomfortable, the carpet underneath her feet horribly hideous in its choice of color and shape.

Finally, a person emerged from the shadows behind the locked door of the office.

"You're here because…?" The officer asked Nico, as he was holding onto the door knob.

"I've got to confess something," Nico answered as solid as possible, "something that should have been confessed quite some time ago."


	8. Purgatory

**A/N** : It turns out I am still alive.

I have to admit that in the meanwhile, I pretty much lost interest in Love Live. Those who follow me on Twitter probably noticed the change of interest. So yeah, I will try and keep up with this story even with the lack of interest for the sake of being an author. I really do like this set-up and the entire idea of this story.

I also got a lot of private messages in the meanwhile. While I do think it is very sweet and flattering, please also note that I am not obliged to update this story. I simply do not have the time/ enough interest to update often.

I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! The support on this website has been amazing :')

* * *

"We have never heard of this case before, Miss."

"You must have. There is no way –"

Nico stopped talking halfway through. She had imagined police departments to look this way – bald, grey, sort of unsatisfying through the eyes of an artist, probably.

Nico had imagined an interrogation to be a lot easier, too. The police officer that had guided her to the interrogation room was now taking notes, silently. He even took notes when Nico didn't say anything. The only guess Nico could make was body language. Her lack of reaction at times would be remarkable enough to take note of, the way her tapping feet and her hesitantly blinking eyes betrayed her made-up cool attitude.

Now, sitting across from another officer, who was drilling her with his questions, Nico wondered, _was this really a good idea?_ Her gaze strayed towards the badge on the officer's chest, then, to the hat on his bald head – as bald as the interior of this room. Or rather, lack of.

Nico knew that she had always been impulsive, always been determined once she had a goal in her mind, but the sick feeling in her stomach would not fade. Now, she found herself questioning her impulsiveness. It was all Maki's fault. Dragging her to hell and back with her constantly changing behavior.

It was only fair, though. Or perhaps, it was _payback._ Leaving a person in their darkest time is like letting a non-swimmer drown in the sea. In theory. Because she's still alive after all.

"You say it had been five years ago?" The officer eyed the identification card Nico had handed him before, his voice a gruff tenor that echoed through the greyness, "So you have been 19 years old at that time?"

"Y-yes."

"And under no influence of others?"

That wasn't quite true. Nico hesitated.

"I hadn't been under the influence of another person, that's true." She admitted half-heartedly.

"But?" Her opposite inquired pushily.

"Under the influence of," she flinched, "I mean. Look. I wouldn't call it drugs, that's the wrong word for sure. Look, officers." She stopped tapping her feet nervously, biting her lips as an alternative of stress reduction method. She was not quite sure how many times she'd told them to look, when there wasn't anything to see. "What I'm trying to say is," she started another try, "I just wasn't quite myself that day."

How lame. And shady, too.

The officers exchanged glances. The sound of pen strokes became audible. The one across from Nico raised a brow and exchanged a glance with his partner again before focusing his attention onto her. Nico wasn't sure whether he could see the sweat on her forehead and she felt ashamed of ever dropping her collected attitude when it had been the only thing to guarantee her success in this business.

And all of this confession would have huge consequences. She had told them everything. Well, almost. Surely, the police treated this information confidentially, but for how long? How long until the press would find out? How long until her career would go down the drain just like the only relationship she had ever cared about in her life?

Voiced disrupted the train of thought. Nico changed from biting her lip to tapping her feet again. "So, by that, you are saying, it could not have been an accident at all? Do I understand you right, Miss?"

There could have been one last chance to back down. This world shall be damned if honesty deserved no rewards.

She could have played it down now, as the last remaining chance to avoid stains on the snowy jacket she had been wearing all along. Could have, should have, would have.

Not anymore, though.

Nico nodded slowly. "That is exactly what I'm saying."

* * *

Eli checked her phone, before knocking on the door. No need to wake a sleeping child. Umi opened up after a few seconds.

"I'm early, sorry."

"I can see that. Lower your voice." Umi hissed, "I barely got her to sleep. I really wish I could just take a nap and flee from this mess, too." She pointed towards the room behind her, the other hand still on the handle of the door. Eli stepped in and closed the door behind her.

"I just want to ask you something. I'll be quick." Eli explained her reason for appearing.

"I think I know what you're here for."

"Oh, do you?" Eli asked.

"If it's because of what you've received in the mail this morning, then yes."

Eli laughed. It sounded rather hysterical than anything else. "How predictable have I become?"

"Very." Umi replied curtly, "So that means, she did confess? I've been thinking all morning what could've been the reason for this sudden decision. Not that I'm not satisfied, but it's –"

"Shady?" Eli suggested. She nodded as if in confirmation to her own statement. "It is. However, if the police want to interrogate us…" Her expression became unnameable. Almost gloomy, if anything. Umi couldn't imagine how Eli felt like in this situation, but she could imagine that it must be tough as it was already. With all of this uproar adding to the heated situation, there must be memories coming up that she had tried to push away.

Although – They all had.

"This case isn't all over and done with. There is all reason for the police to unroll the events again. Only a few years have passed."

"I know that." Eli hissed, "I just…I don't know how to explain it, so _you_ will understand."

Umi waited a minute for her words to sink in. So either, she didn't trust her, or she didn't believe she could comprehend what's making her hesitate. Both possibilities suggested a growing distance. As far as it could go, they couldn't afford tearing the strings of a friendship that was based on trust.

Umi sighed. It was better to let it go instead of starting an argument. She was the only one out of the three of them to keep a cool head in such situations. Speaking of three –

"Will they interrogate Maki, too?" She asked with an interested undercurrent in her voice.

Eli flinched, but she gathered herself quickly. "I don't know. You know we haven't been on good terms these days. But you can be damn sure of one thing. If they do, and if she won't testify, or worse even, if she will _defend_ Yazawa, I won't make an effort anymore. She doesn't want me to judge her occupation – fine enough – but I _will_ judge her for making the wrong decisions in _this_ regard."

Umi's eyes narrowed. "So you think her job situation has been a wrong decision of hers?"

In any other situation, Eli would have waited for their tempers to cool down, but this wasn't high school anymore. One had to be square and honest right on the spot, so there won't be any misunderstandings. Eli made sure a misunderstanding was impossible in their argument.

"How couldn't it be? She's selling her body, don't try to sugar coat it, Umi. How will she ever marry a person one day like this? Even if she quits – then what? Do you honestly think her partner won't ever find out about how many people have slept with her? By any chance, she will never get out of this one. You always defend her and I get that. She's your little puppy to take care of, but you two are not related by blood, Umi. Stop giving shelter to those who are ungrateful. You see how reckless she is. We don't even know where she's at. Last time I tried to find her, the landlord told me she had terminated the apartment's contract. So where's your stray dog now? Living under the bridge? In one of her _well-known_ suites at work? Realize it. This woman has never been a lap dog to begin with."

The blonde flipped a blonde strand of hair off her shoulder. The lack of response she received didn't bother her, for she didn't care to look at Umi again. "I guess I will see you at the police department by the end of the week, then." She added with a low voice, "We'll see if princess Nishikino grants us a visit."

She pressed the handle of the door down again, unlocking the chain lock. Eli wasn't the person to hold back in the first place, Umi was more than aware of that, but this one time, she had gone too far. Some boundaries weren't made to be pushed.

Umi put a hand on her friend's shoulder, so she wouldn't leave just yet.

"You really have changed, too, Eli." She remarked hostile, "I didn't want to believe it at first, but you aren't the person anymore either. Do you hear yourself? Do you hear how you talk about your _friend_?"

"Umi, please. It has been a long day and I am tired. And honestly?" Eli turned around to face her, "We all made mistakes. And all of our lives are ripped at some spot or another, but that's what makes life worth living. Some of the decisions I made were poor and even some of yours were. I don't know how she ended up in this position – How could I, when she never told me? But the way it looks, she leads the most pitiful life I've ever seen, Umi. Trying to grasp for a person that is nothing more than a disgusting pretender. Holding onto her like she's a saint. Maki makes me sick. I don't care what happens to her anymore – as long as _her_ blood doesn't stain _my_ shoes."

Eli broke away from Umi's touch, very raggedly and aggressive. That wasn't how a careless person would act, Umi recognized immediately, and that was why she decided to knock the blonde out of the skies right on the spot. It might not have been the best decision – but she had said herself. _We all made mistakes. And we still do_ , Umi thought, as her palm hit the other woman's cheek.

In the first moment, the aftershock, it was silent. Eli's expression had grown distant, shocked even, at first. Then, her face was taut with anger. Her cheeks reddened in fury – to an extent where Umi couldn't tell which side of her face she had just hit. Ironically.

"So, between Maki and me, you would choose her, I get it." Eli said bitterly, "After all I've done for you. How many times I've lied for you, just so you could have your affair while Kotori was working her ass off for an engagement ring. You are just as pitiful as Maki. You two really are made for each other."

"You have no right to bring up Kotori –"

"Oh, don't I?" Eli snapped, "Why don't you bring up Nozomi in return, then?"

Umi stayed silent at that remark, averting her eyes. If it wasn't in the heat of the moment, Eli would have been beyond surprised. It was the first time ever she had seen the other woman unable to come up with a counterattack.

"That's right. You can't. Because, unlike you, I am not responsible for having lost her. Now if you would excuse me. I believe the both of us have to get to work now. It was nice having a chat with my _friend_."

She threw one last frosty glare towards Umi before she went down the stairs hastily, disappearing on the apartment block's corridor. Umi shut the door behind her, unintentionally louder than planned, and just to make the mess complete – the child that had been sleeping peacefully was now crying.

Umi wondered when it was her turn to cry, as she stumbled towards the half-opened door to the child's room.

* * *

The interrogation did take a lot of time in the afternoon. Only when Nico came back from work, late at night, she embraced the smell of her house – the familiar lavender scent.

She didn't know how serious the police officers had taken her self-indictment. After all, she had stumbled into the department, repeatedly mentioning that she needed to talk to someone right on the spot. Like a maniac.

It was a careless action, just as usual. She had thought things through, yes, the entire night long after Maki had said those horrible things, but she found herself running in circles.

And since she couldn't bear walking the same roads all over and over, she had decided on confessing the following afternoon. Afternoon – or maybe even evening, one thing was sure - she didn't have much time to think about what she'd done after.

If anything, there would have to be further investigation before her confession could be taken as an actual case.

The smell of lavender seemed to blend in with the fragrance of roses the further Nico went up the stairs to her bedroom. Soon enough, she found the source of that scent, wearing her hair in curls and scrutinizing herself in a mirror on the hallway in between the rooms.

Nico observed her around the corner for a while, however, Maki had a good sense of hearing.

"Stop being a voyeur." She ordered with her grim voice. No lurking in the shadows it was, then.

Maki turned around when Nico stepped forward. "You weren't home all day?" She inquired dryly, as if Nico had to be held accountable for something. She sounded as if she didn't care where Nico had spent her time, but there was a pinch of disappointment in her voice, hidden like a treasure to dig for.

"What does it matter? It's my house. I can come and go whenever I want."

"I know that you can. You proved it once, already." The red haired remarked sourly. She looked at the mirror one last time and it was then that Nico noticed she was wearing a dress – and expensive looking jewellery as well. It was also then, that Maki's cheeks reddened and Nico _recognized._

"These are _my_ clothes, aren't they?"

Silence.

"N-no. They just happen to look like yours." Was the counter-argument. Maki looked aside, grasping the low neckline of the dress to keep it from slipping.

"Then why doesn't your bust fit in properly?" Nico grinned as Maki's expression became even more flustered. Their situation was a horrible cluster, but in the end, this woman in front of her was still the same Maki – deep within, if only one cared enough to dig up the dirt on the surface.

Nico decided not to mock the red haired any longer, a dismissive gesture following.

"Whatever. You can have it, though your cleavage won't magically shrink in a few hours. And this dress looks way too short on you, too. You look like a grown woman that tried on a dress from the children's department, thinking she could still fit into her daughter's clothes."

"S-so what." Maki said pertly, "I don't even want that thing. I just tried it on because it's – "

"Versace?" Nico finished her sentence. "Yeah, I get that. Every woman wants to see what she looks like in designer clothes. However, the clothes a woman wears do not define a woman's value."

Maki didn't seem to have an answer to that, though her initial response was to throw back a glance at the mirror behind her, hesitatingly. Nico intended to leave her alone for the rest of the night, clutching her handbag and making a move towards her bedroom on the left side.

"It's past three in the morning. You should consider going to bed now." She ordered before she wondered out loud, "Actually – Are you skipping work again? It's way too early for you to be back on a busy night."

Maki tore away from the mirror again. Her eyes looked as if veiled by a layer of fog suddenly and Nico couldn't tell what she was thinking anymore. Her lips were painted in a dark violet that night, a rather heavy eye make up matching the vehemence of that appearance. Maki took a few steps closer to Nico until they were only inches apart. Nico could hear her breath closely, or maybe she just listened too attentively to the sounds she radiated. Deep inhales, soft exhales. A contrast that matched a paradox like her.

For some reason, Nico did not want to make eye contact with those strange eyes. She looked down onto her feet, and as her gaze strayed downwards, she noticed the fishnet stockings that clung onto Maki's flawlessly smooth legs like a second skin. She hadn't noticed them before, as other _areas_ were more striking. But now, she comprehended. And her question seemed unnecessary.

The uncomfortable situation didn't fade. Maki was still way too close. Nico didn't like the proximity, feeling her pale limbs just inches apart from her, hearing those steady oxymoronic breaths. And Maki didn't like vicinity either – usually.

For a short moment – Nico thought she had felt wrong – Maki placed her hand on Nico's hip, her touch ever so hot and soft, and it felt like time travelling to those old times when they were teenagers, madly in love for the first day. But she let go just as suddenly and very quickly, too, muttering apologizing words and stepping back again.

"Habit." She justified quickly. Nico lifted her gaze to look at her again.

"I'm not back from work." Maki explained quietly, "It's only now starting. I have an appointment soon." She sighed exasperated, "It'll be a long one this time. Don't wait for me. I'll be back late." She turned her back again.

Nico only nodded as a response.

When she closed the door to her room, Maki was facing her reflection again, and there was something broken in her eyes that would not fade.

* * *

It was noisy. Maki hated the noise whenever she entered her workplace after the opening hour. She liked it quiet; she liked it peaceful, relaxing. This was the opposite of peaceful and relaxing.

The elevator went up too quickly for Maki's taste. When the doors slid open, she was greeted by the familiar ambience she had been meeting for the majority of her past years of life. The chandeliers, the pretty flowers, the golden ornaments everywhere. And of course – the red carpet that stretched out to her feet. Normally, every girl would dream of walking along a red carpet, feeling important to this society, feeling like you _mattered_. But every time Maki walked along to one of the suites she felt like entering the gates of hell. It had been like that the first day at this workplace, and the horrid feeling had never fully left her. She would much rather spit the customer, her clients, in their faces than satisfy their pitiful needs.

She hated to admit it, but every time she went up to the department where _business_ really got down, she realized how meaningless her existence was to this world. If she left, they'd easily find replacement for her here. Even if she died, what would it matter? Any woman was fine for those greedy men, as long as she played along and didn't doubt their filthy fantasies.

Before Maki opened the door with the workers' key, she turned around to face tonight's client properly. She hadn't paid attention to him in the backstage room, neither in the elevator. Not even a greeting was necessary. A slight nod was sufficient; a sign of agreement and exchange in this world. No words. Just actions.

He'd been quiet all the time, just following her silently. Unusual for her customers. The people that booked her knew what they wanted. They wanted everything and more and they weren't ashamed too admit their desires – the oblivious attraction to her appearance alone was enough.

"And this really isn't a joke?" She reassured herself. If she wanted to waste her time, she could do that at Nico's place. Trying on clothes that made her feel worthy of existing. And not _this_. This horrible activity she called an _occupation._

"It's not." The customer affirmed in his harsh voice, his gaze full of this disgusting kind of lust Maki had grown familiar with. "And I don't have all the time in the world, so we better get going."

Maki raised a brow. "You'll pay for full seven hours." She made sure, "There'll be no lowered price. That's not exactly little money. I won't make exceptions just because you want six more hours than my usual clients. And all of the extra wishes you listed cost extra money, too. Effort is money. And time is money as well."

He rolled his eyes. Maki hated his eyes, those enormously hideous eyes. She knew he'd spat even more hideous words now. That's how clients would always react when she'd treat them less respectful than they expect.

"I know that. Now get going. If I had wanted a bitchy whore I would have said so. But I want a silent one, so move." And he didn't hesitate to say those words. But Maki didn't flinch either. Those times were past her, when she'd still be surprised or hurt by being called such names.

It was reality. And more routine than anything else.

And with this money, she could afford a lawyer. What had greeted her in the mail this morning was more than displeasing. Nico suddenly finding the guts to confess her sins was unexpected. Maki found herself wondering whether this was really what she wanted now. It was one thing bragging about her, hating her, when she had been so far away – Yet a completely other thing to keep up the attitude when she was here, next to her, so _close_.

And worst of all – If there was a trial in the near future, she'd have to be prepared. Nico could reveal her more or less inappropriate ways of earning money in her teenage years easily. She could turn it to her advantage and pin her sins onto Maki, just because she was still bitter over a thing that had doubted her self-confidence. And once it came down to that, Umi would have to admit _the_ incident sooner or later. Or worse even – Nico would.

There was no way Maki would ever talk about it again. Simply telling Nico had been consuming enough. It was past, it was done and over with, and she was in her mid-twenties, earning her money with prostitution. Even if she talked about it, the disgusting filth that was responsible for this trauma would use her occupation as an excuse.

 _She wanted it. She was asking for it. Otherwise she wouldn't work as a prostitute now. She was even selling herself as a seventeen year old. She's at fault._

That was how this society worked. But nonetheless, she needed to be prepared for the worst outcome.

She nodded towards the customer and opened up the gates to hell.

Tonight's purgatory welcomed her and she stumbled into its arms without resistance.


End file.
